Catholic Church Brings Back Indulgences, Heaven Now Available for a Price

Plenary Indulgences, one of the main issues that caused Martin Luther to rebel against the Catholic Church, has been reintroduced here in New York City and I’d assume across the country. Here’s how it works, according to the NYTimes, who as you know is not exactly the bastion of research, but I believe this description of the practice is accurate:

“According to church teaching, even after sinners are absolved in the confessional and say their Our Fathers or Hail Marys as penance, they still face punishment after death, in Purgatory before they can enter heaven. In exchange for certain prayers, devotions or pilgrimages in special years, a Catholic can receive an indulgence, which reduces or erases that punishment instantly, with no formal ceremony or sacrament.”

So they essentially “call ahead” after you die to ensure they aren’t too rough on you in the afterlife…