How to Spot Atheists and Report Them to the FBI

Unless you’re Catholic or have been living in a cave for the last 20 years, you already know that Landover Baptist’s Pastor Deacon Fred and Brother Harry Hardwick are the world’s foremost Christian experts on the disease, Atheism, and its carriers called, Atheists. Both Pastors have risked infection and death to speak at countless Atheist conventions. Pastor Hardwick recently remarked as a guest on “The No Spin Zone:” “As long as there’s twenty-four hour room service and they pick up my first class airfare, I’ll give my 18.4 minute inspirational presentation to Lucifer himself! Besides, a relaxing walk through the parking lot outside an Atheist convention can harvest hundreds of car tag numbers for the FBI’s computers. And with Mr. Ashcroft paying a dollar a tip, that can add up to a complimentary tour of the hotel gift shop, my friend.”

When not bringing financially sound believers to the bosom of Christ, Hardwick and Fred dedicate their lives to ferreting out and publicly exposing hell bound, godless liberal trash. And outside of the demon-possessed folks at the mental hospital who fling their own excrement up your nose, Atheists are the worst kind of unsaved trash a decent Christian will ever have the displeasure of rebuking. Thankfully, there are not that many of them.