Five Bizarre Sexual Conditions That Can Ruin Your Life

Susan H., Cracked.com: Sometimes you hear on the news about weird medical conditions that actually cause more sex than normal. And when you hear about the poor dude whose condition caused him to have sex with 300 women you think, hell, how do I catch that shit? But these conditions are kind of like eating at Taco Bell. It may sound awesome in theory, but personal experience may leave you with internal bleeding.

#5. Hypersexuality: Commonly referred to as nymphomania by Internet perverts and perverts who still eschew technology but like the idea just the same; hypersexuality is what happens when your libido cranks the dial to 11 and leaves it there.

Why it Would Suck: Meet Heather Howland, developed hyerpsexuality after suffering a massive brain hemorrhage, which seems like a really awesome superhero background story. Not expected to live, she surprised everyone by waking up and trying to ride her husband like a Shetland pony.

This is the face of a nymphomaniac.

Some of you guys are still rooting for the disorder at this point, but that’s because you’re probably assuming the “nympho” only has the hots for you. Unfortunately, that’s not how compulsions work. Howland estimates she boned about 50 random, and probably surprised, strangers in the two years since her accident.

Her husband frequently gets called home from work because she’s in the driveway trying to bone some random dude. Nowadays she can no longer work, and her ability to focus is on par with an eight-year-old armed with a television remote which, in this case, is shaped like a wiener.

Yeah, it turns out pretty much anything can stop being fun once you’re only doing it due to a short-circuit in your brain. And this is actually worse than say, compulsive over-eating or sleeping, because those don’t carry a stigma that will make you famous around the neighborhood and, well, on websites like this one.

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