Satan’s Letter to Pat Robertson on Haiti

From The Star Tribune:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style.

[Read more at The Star Tribune]

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  • tonyviner

    The Devil's English is pretty good.

  • santosfabian

    agreed.

  • NotSoFast

    Wait, they got Freedom from the French, which enabled them to build and guide their own destiny. That's bigger than a nose job or starring with Tom Cruise in his next film. It's not Satan's fault they've ended up as they have- he gets them when they finish enjoying Freedom.

  • advocate

    satan dude,
    in addition to the glamour, beauty, weatlh, etc., etc., you forgot to mention givin people their own television and/or radio shows.
    oh yeah don’t forget the big stinky cigars

  • advocate

    satan dude,
    in addition to the glamour, beauty, weatlh, etc., etc., you forgot to mention givin people their own television and/or radio shows.
    oh yeah don't forget the big stinky cigars

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