Satan’s Letter to Pat Robertson on Haiti

From The Star Tribune:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style.

[Read more at The Star Tribune]

5 Comments on "Satan’s Letter to Pat Robertson on Haiti"

  1. tonyviner | Jan 17, 2010 at 3:30 pm |

    The Devil's English is pretty good.

  2. santosfabian | Jan 17, 2010 at 4:30 pm |

    agreed.

  3. NotSoFast | Jan 18, 2010 at 3:24 am |

    Wait, they got Freedom from the French, which enabled them to build and guide their own destiny. That's bigger than a nose job or starring with Tom Cruise in his next film. It's not Satan's fault they've ended up as they have- he gets them when they finish enjoying Freedom.

  4. satan dude,
    in addition to the glamour, beauty, weatlh, etc., etc., you forgot to mention givin people their own television and/or radio shows.
    oh yeah don’t forget the big stinky cigars

  5. satan dude,
    in addition to the glamour, beauty, weatlh, etc., etc., you forgot to mention givin people their own television and/or radio shows.
    oh yeah don't forget the big stinky cigars

Comments are closed.