Bill Maher: Conservatives Need To Lighten Up – And Get Glitzier Stars

Bill Maher. Photo: David Shankbone (CC)

Bill Maher. Photo: David Shankbone (CC)

Bill Maher rants in Variety:

New Rule: Conservatives have to stop complaining about Hollywood values.

It’s the Oscars this weekend, which means two things, one, I’ve got to get waxed, and two, talkradio hosts and conservative columnists will trot out their annual complaints about Hollywood: We’re too liberal, we’re out of touch with the heartland, the theater floors are always sticky, our facial muscles have been deadened with chicken botulism, there aren’t as many Goobers in a box as there used to be, and we make them feel fat.

To these people, I say — shut up and eat your popcorn. And stop bitching about one of the few industries in America that still makes something people all over the world want to buy. Not to rub it in, but “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” made $400 million. And that’s a squeakquel.

Last year, Hollywood set a box office record: $10.6 billion. Sixteen billion worldwide. Not bad for a bunch of socialists. You never see Hollywood begging Washington for a handout, like corn farmers, or the auto industry, or the entire state of Alaska. Except for Kevin Smith, we pull our own weight.

What makes it even more inappropriate for conservatives to slam Hollywood is that they more than anybody fall in love with any D-list celebrity who happens to lean to the right, to the point where they actually run them for office. You don’t find the equivalent of Sonny Bono on the left — or Fred Thompson, or George Murphy, or Congressman Gofer from”The Love Boat.” And let’s not forget, the modern conservative messiah is a guy who co-starred with a chimp. That’s right, Dick Cheney. But also Bonzo’s buddy, Ronald Reagan. Now, I like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but he is an Austrian ham who bragged about drugs and gang-bangs and could speak no English, but when he said he’d run, the family values, anti-immigrant party terminated in their pants.

Which brings us up to the right wing’s most recent teen crushes: a couple of cute kids named Sarah Palin and Scott Brown. Sarah is a former Miss Wasilla who served as the weekend sports anchor on station KTUU in Anchorage before eloping with her high school sweetheart and eventually answering a call to public office. Scott is a former Miss Cosmo Guy, and his turnoffs are people who don’t drive trucks and having to wear clothes. Scott’s a senator now, but — shout-out to the folks at”The Bachelor” — if you need a stud for Season 19, Scott’s totally there…

[continues in Variety]

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