Don’t Ask Me

From the New Yorker:

“I do not see how permitting open homosexuality in these communities enhances their prospects of success in battle. Indeed, I believe repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell” will weaken the warrior culture at a time when we have a fight on our hands.”

General Merrill A. McPeak, former Air Force Chief of Staff, on the Op-Ed page of the Times.

My name is Marine Corporal Roger T., and I am one gay soldier who agrees wholeheartedly with General McPeak, although I think that he doesn’t go far enough. Because my staying closeted, in fact, makes me a better soldier, through what I term sublimation. For example: Right before heading out into a firefight with Iraqi insurgents, I always imagine myself at the beach with Merrill A. McPeak, both of us in helmets, camouflage-print Speedos, combat boots, and sunglasses. I picture myself rubbing sunblock all over the luscious, leathery hide of General McPeak, and the adrenaline rockets through my veins, and by the time I leave the Green Zone I’m ready to kill anything that moves, and then make savage, passionate love to its corpse. I’m at what I like to call my sensual, combat-ready McPeak.

As a gay man, I naturally spend much of my time debating casting issues involving the musical theatre, although, thankfully, I can’t share such thoughts with my unit. Instead, when I spot a potential suicide bomber, I think of him as someone who insists that Tyne Daly was the greatest Mama Rose of all time, even better than Merman. This makes me so enraged, and my aim grows so steady, that I can pick off the bomber with a single well-flung grenade, while shouting to myself, “Tyne was appealing, but she didn’t have a shred of Angela Lansbury’s esprit, or Patti LuPone’s thwarted fury! Anyone who ranks Tyne over Patti deserves to die! ” It’s called valor.

[Read more at the New Yorker]

13 Comments on "Don’t Ask Me"

  1. tonyviner | Mar 17, 2010 at 12:18 am |

    “Gays in the military . . . here's how I feel about it, alright? Anyone . . . DUMB enough . . . to want to be in the military, should be allowed in. End of fucking story. That should be the only requirement.” – Bill Hicks

    • Hadrian999 | Mar 17, 2010 at 12:59 am |

      the funny thing is we are always hearing about how we have the most professional fighting force in the world,
      then we hear about how it cant cope with having to deal with homosexuals, which is it, professional or not?

    • Can't wait for the movie about him to come out. The country needs a serious reality check.

      • tonyviner | Mar 17, 2010 at 6:17 am |

        I already have it queued up on Netflix, I haven't seen a date other than 2010. I would buy it, but he is not gonna get the residuals so why bother?

  2. At the same time as we were creating this idiotic DADTDP policy, the Canadians were just abolishing the nonsensical prohibition altogether.

    In the intervening years, not only has it done nothing to destroy their esprit de corps, it's actually helped sexual assaults against women in their forces to be reduced by a whopping 80%.


    Because now women can report a sexual assault and get the goober responsible bounced from the military, without fear of being accused of being a lesbian if she complains about an unwanted advance.

  3. Anyone who still clings the idea that homosexuals will weaken a military force might want to do some research on The Sacred Band of Thebes in ancient Greece. Apparently their sexuality didn't prevent them from being a pretty bad-ass fighting unit.

  4. Anyone still clinging to the idea that homosexuals will somehow weaken the military should do a little homework on The Sacred Band of Thebes of ancient Greece.
    Apparently their sexuality didn't prevent them from being a pretty bad-ass fighting unit.

  5. Jean Bailey | Mar 17, 2010 at 5:10 pm |

    I am the mother of an American soldier who's served two combat deployments. He served alongside gay soldiers. It is not an issue for our younger soldiers, i.e. the ones fighting the war on the ground, getting hurt, getting killed. I loved Bill Hicks, but I must disagree with his comment made 18 years ago. Our people defending our country today aren't DUMB, be they gay or straight. Far from it. They live in a realm outside of politics and petty partisanship. They are the selfless, the ones willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good.

    • I understand where your coming from.

      besides, some of the hazing that goes on in the military is pretty gay anyway. we all just have to respect eachother as fellow living creatures

    • tonyviner | Mar 18, 2010 at 1:11 am |

      Do me one favor, explain to me what you mean by “selfless”. Are they willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good or are they willing to sacrifice themselves for, say perhaps, a free education. Also, what are we being defended from, are the Afghans going to launch an aerial strike on Nebraska? Is Iraq planning a naval invasion of Boston? Are the soldiers defending our country, or are they defending our corporate interests? If you are DUMB enough to believe the former you are DUMB enough to believe anything, I suppose.

  6. GoodDoktorBad | Mar 19, 2010 at 12:07 pm |

    Gayness is no indication of a lack of effective fighting ability. Killing, dying are equal opportunity activities.

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