Wall Streeters’ Chain Email Reveals They’re Even Worse People Than We Thought

Image: ExiledOnline.com

Image: ExiledOnline.com

Think that the financial crash has left investment banking hotshots humbler and wiser? Not likely. The National Review blog The Corner has a defiant email that has been circulating over the last couple days among discontented Wall Streeters. Seriously, these people are as douche-y as you imagined:

We are Wall Street. It’s our job to make money. Whether it’s a commodity, stock, bond, or some hypothetical piece of fake paper, it doesn’t matter.

We would trade baseball cards if it were profitable. I didn’t hear America complaining when the market was roaring to 14,000 and everyone’s 401k doubled every 3 years. Just like gambling, its not a problem until you lose. I’ve never heard of anyone going to Gamblers Anonymous because they won too much in Vegas.

Well now the market crapped out, & even though it has come back somewhat, the government and the average Joes are still looking for a scapegoat. God knows there has to be one for everything. Well, here we are.

Go ahead and continue to take us down, but you’re only going to hurt yourselves. What’s going to happen when we can’t find jobs on the Street anymore? Guess what: We’re going to take yours. We get up at 5am & work till 10pm or later. We’re used to not getting up to pee when we have a position. We don’t take an hour or more for a lunch break. We don’t demand a union. We don’t retire at 50 with a pension. We eat what we kill, and when the only thing left to eat is on your dinner plates, we’ll eat that.

For years teachers and other unionized labor have had us fooled. We were too busy working to notice. Do you really think that we are incapable of teaching 3rd graders and doing landscaping? We’re going to take your cushy jobs with tenure and 4 months off a year and whine just like you that we are so-o-o-o underpaid for building the youth of America. Say goodbye to your overtime and double time and a half. I’ll be hitting grounders to the high school baseball team for $5k extra a summer, thank you very much.

So now that we’re going to be making $85k a year without upside, Joe Mainstreet is going to have his revenge, right? Wrong! Guess what: we’re going to stop buying the new 80k car, we aren’t going to leave the 35 percent tip at our business dinners anymore. No more free rides on our backs. We’re going to landscape our own back yards, wash our cars with a garden hose in our driveways. Our money was your money. You spent it. When our money dries up, so does yours.

The difference is, you lived off of it, we rejoiced in it. The Obama administration and the Democratic National Committee might get their way and knock us off the top of the pyramid, but it’s really going to hurt like hell for them when our fat a**es land directly on the middle class of America and knock them to the bottom.

We aren’t dinosaurs. We are smarter and more vicious than that, and we are going to survive. The question is, now that Obama & his administration are making Joe Mainstreet our food supply…will he? and will they?

39 Comments on "Wall Streeters’ Chain Email Reveals They’re Even Worse People Than We Thought"

  1. dextronaut | May 5, 2010 at 2:47 pm |

    That's the most shit I've ever heard someone say in one letter. Wall street is truly full of dicks if they send shit like this to people. Not like we already knew it, this just adds up to the amount of shit they already collected.

  2. LOL. My mom taught for 50 years and there are nine teachers in my family. The average Wall Street goober wouldn't last 3 minutes in a classroom with 50 3rd graders.

    “You eat what you kill?” Those kids will eat you ALIVE then play hopscotch on your grave.

    Oh and PS. I actually WAS complaining when the market was at 14,00 because I agree with Catherine Austin Fitts that when Wall St does well, Main St is in hell. The graphs of relative prosperity between the two, are like mirror images of each other.

    • Tuna Ghost | May 5, 2010 at 8:08 pm |

      That's pretty optimistic. I've seen some shitty, incompetent teachers have long careers. And controlling children is not as difficult as some would have you believe.

      • Incompetent parents have longer careers. And incompetent school administrators have even longer careers than that.

        Teachers are on the front lines keeping this country's future intact buying classroom supplies from their own meager salaries while every dimwitted politician does everything they can to leave every child behind.

        Stop blaming the teachers. It's wicked lame.

        And doubly so from a rich prick like this Wall St. douche whose never worked a difficult day in his entire pampered, manicured, bespoked life.

        • Broken_Finger | May 6, 2010 at 7:59 am |

          How about we hold everyone accountable instead of aggrandizing the groups we like and demonizing those we hate? There really are some shitty teachers out there, and for every great one there's another hiding in the bathroom snorting coke.

          Stop trying to out-disinfo the disinfo. It's wicked lame.

          • LOL. I agree with holding everyone accountable, including the students themselves who need to take more of an interest in the simple joy of learning, and who need to stop emulating the idiots who drop out of school, but I'd disagree with your one-to-one percentages there on the bad teachers to good teachers thing. The disproportionate number of teachers are good. One of the main problems is that we've made a system so odious, unnecessarily stress-filled, and poorly paying, that most don't last past the first year. No disinfo there, sport. Just sadness.

          • Broken_Finger | May 7, 2010 at 3:40 pm |


            No, seriously, I agree, especially with the part about the low pay and pitiful-to-nonexistent funding. And Wall Street sucks.

        • Tuna Ghost | May 9, 2010 at 4:33 am |

          Well I don't see how I'm “blaming” teachers for anything. I'm a teacher myself, in fact. So, even if we forget for the moment that it is patently obvious to anyone who has an extended education that there are some terrible, terrible teachers in the education system, I can say that many of my co-workers (not necessarily at MY school, mind you) have given up and simply don't give a shit anymore. Add to that the people who are simply in the wrong job and have no talent for it, and those who actively hate teaching but don't have other options, and you begin to see why great teachers are something of a rarity.

  3. tax capital gains at 99%. then hire some more teachers.

  4. Broken_Finger | May 5, 2010 at 3:30 pm |

    Who retires at 50 with a pension? And what high school baseball coach makes 5K extra a summer? Could a douche be more out of touch?

    The only possibly legitimate point this person has is the impact on the various ancillary service indistries. I don't know though, would anybody really want to wait this dude's table?

  5. emperorreagan | May 5, 2010 at 3:51 pm |

    Did some grumpy li'l douchebag watch American Psycho over the weekend after hearing he won't be getting a huge bonus? Poor little baby!

    I don't think your average wall street banker would fare well if left alone with the people who really “eat what they kill.”

    • I had a similar thought while reading this. I also envisioned some Wall Street prick getting his smug faced collapsed by an angry member of the labor force.

      • Tuna Ghost | May 9, 2010 at 4:37 am |

        It's funny the way the fantasies we have say things about us, isn't it.

        Maybe the violence suggests that you simply have no other way to combat the ideas written about in the article. Maybe you really don't have a clue what to do about the letter and violent fantasies are an easy way to relieve aggression when one feels helpless. Maybe.

    • dumbsaint | May 5, 2010 at 8:05 pm |

      lol, yeah I was thinking Patrick Bateman too.

  6. Ding-dong, Asshole calling!

  7. All wild fantasism from some bitter junior partner…one who is quick to forget that running a rigged game is not gambling…its stealing…but one thing they forgot…

    When you take off that suit and the jungle isn't made of concrete and plexiglass and you emerge into this world…

    …you take that attitude with people who busted their ass instead of their brains for a living and they'll beat you to death in about 10-15 seconds…because kicking ass at squash IS not the same as throwing drunks out of a bar or shoveling ditches for a living. They may stab each other in the back figuratively and look out for number one on Wall Street…but out here, we do it literally. Want to fight to the death…that's a fight I'll take on with a smile. It might even be the first ass-stomping that I didn't feel even a little guilty about after it was over.

    • Tuna Ghost | May 5, 2010 at 8:04 pm |

      While that may have felt good to type, it was wildly inaccurate. No one literally stabs anyone in the back at my teacher's job. Most people do not “look out for number one” (what is the literal interpretation of that phrase, anyway?). The claim that they work longer hours than us and that their money was our money is not a spurious claim. If their fat asses DO land among the middle class, there will be repercussions.

      • Evidently you don't work in the kind of neighborhoods I do 🙂

        Most people do look out for number one…but the good ones have a conscience about how they do it…the bad ones have no conscience at all. In fact, the bad ones would probably get along a lot better on Wall St than Wall St would get along here.

        The town I live in has major problems with gangs, drugs, prostitution and homelessness for a city of its size, and the economy of Michigan was crashing long ahead of the rest of the country. When I say it's bad, I'm not saying something fun to write…I'm saying something sad to know.

        Glad you have a nice job tho…and teaching is a damn fine thing to do.

        • Tuna Ghost | May 9, 2010 at 4:29 am |

          Well it sounds like you have at least a passing familiarity with my hometown and current armpit of the country, Detroit. I think we can agree that Detroit it hardly a model of the average american city or society or culture, and to use it as such is not very wise.

          I have a feeling that you are using the term “Wall St.” in a very broad sense with the intention of evoking the feelings most have toward that word these days.

          • LOL 🙂 More than passing…same for Grand Rapids, Kalamazoo, Battle Creek, Lansing and more. I've lived a lot of places in MI, but, per capita, Battle Creek is probably the most hopeless. Industry is only a memory, the tax base is exhausted, the charities are so strained that they're starting to dry up, the meth problem from every nearby rural area leaves people scrambling for help in th nearest city (BC) and generally failing to get clean…the homeless population is at record heights, row after row of closed businesses…

            …if it wasn't for a few people I love dearly…I'd say it was past time to try somewhere else.

            and by Wall St….I do mean the K Street finance wiz-kids who make up the 6 figure + bracket….not the low rent clerks.

  8. The person responsible for this must be the same idiot who came up w/ that Katrina victims comment/letter or the Rod Stewart rumor; however, be assured the only professionals threatened after these lemmings jump are car salesmen, hookers, and crack addicts.

  9. They forget people have the capability to harm them physically.

    • E.B. Wolf | May 6, 2010 at 6:35 am |

      They remember.

      That's why there was an internal memo at Goldman during the last bailout season to pay attention to personal security. There was a surge in applications for concealed carry permits in NYC and the surrounding area.

      Not to mention the fact that the little weasels have to work up their Digital Courage to actually spit the garbage contained in this email. They'd never dare go out in public and say this shit without armed security.

      • Compared to the masses wall street is undermanned, undergunned, and overrated. They have no chance in the blue collar world which is really the group makes everything and maintains infrastructure and farm (scientists and scholars and government are in a league of their own) And if we start boycotting and not selling things to the security forces they employ they will have no security, because the muscle they hire are also the joe main stream they are trying to eat. No excuses either they start doing something good for society or eventually they will cease to be a part of it, just like the many different groups of people that have come and gone over the ages.

  10. How quaint, what he forgets is the money he's SOOOO GOT YOU GUYS is to a large degree fictional, the labor force makes wealth, not the speculators. I say we cap their earnings down to middle class levels and siphon the left overs into infrastructure and jobs programs where it's sorely needed.

    • As a side note whoever wrote this strikes me as the same kid in classes growing up who used to make up bullshit and swear by it…”No, yeah I get that your dad is totally rich, that's why you're going to public school obviously.” Read it in the same grating voice too.

  11. Someone apparently read Atlas Shrugged and believed.

  12. Lol…they are showing up at my doorstep…hahahaha…..I'm having a block party one night; I don't drink….so I made jello shots, got out the sidewalk chalk for the kiddies, the guys were drinkng beer….and up pulls this Hummer….a guy (Infantry) in street dress pops out and we start bullshitting….he hears my parrot taking so I invite him in and we sit down next to my bird and my computer and I put on some of my favorite soothing sounds. I asked him about his experience but he was very agitated so I shut the music off and respected his need for secrecy. Just then he reached over and put his finger in my Parrot's cage; she bit him and he went crying like a little sissy out into the street; telling everyone he was injured and jumped into his Hummer and drove off….never again seen on my street…I suspect this dude is as big a guy with his pen as soldier boy was with his gun…hehehee

  13. They're just lashing out… kinda pathetic really. Though I just admit that seeing a wall street-er so whiny and powerless is refreshing….

    I would pay double for one to clean my toilets… lol.

  14. chinagreenelvis | May 6, 2010 at 10:29 am |

    i'm willing to gamble that this letter wasn't written by someone who works on Wall St. I'd also bet that most people forwarding it aren't taking much time to read much more than the first paragraph, and aren't much more than skimming through the rest.

    We're all people. We all have jobs to do. Some of us feel more passionate about our jobs than others, and most of us are willing to do whatever it takes to keep making money when we're all so scared shitless about where the economy is headed. A lot of people blame Wall Street. A lot of people blame the President.

    When was the last time a chain letter was representative of anything other than itself? Using this content-less article and attaching an emotionally-charged headline to it creates the illusion of controversy and riles up the masses. Ultimately its purpose is to attract readers to the site where clicks make money and keep it afloat so that it's “journalists” can continue to post the occasional decent report. In the meantime, the critically minded readers among us are forced to trough through schlock like this.

    To those of you who can read an article such as this one and then thoughtlessly chime in with obnoxious and empty tirades against an imaginary enemy: congratulations, you're keeping the flock numbers high. The shepherds are proud of you.

    • airborne11 | May 6, 2010 at 12:15 pm |

      “i'm willing to gamble that this letter wasn't written by someone who works on Wall St” I suspect you are correct…

  15. This email seems likely to be an attempt to make the public believe obama/democrats are fighting wall street, which is nonsense. Wall St owns Obama, they want you to forget that.

  16. Hadrian999 | May 6, 2010 at 2:23 pm |

    he is half right, he is an arrogant asshole but wall street couldn't get away with it without the consent of the populace, people are living on credit, living beyond their means counting on being able to flip the house and
    for the wall street game to keep on growing, far more Americans than are willing to admit worship at the same cult of greed as this guy.

  17. GoodDoktorBad | May 6, 2010 at 2:35 pm |

    Lots of people work hard, but what are you working hard at? Are you actually contributing something to the world or just sucking everybody dry for your own trivial amusement.

    I think I'm understanding this mentality a little better now. These guys are basically gambling addicts, they work hard for the next win, the next thrill of risk and victory. Vegas, Monte Carlo, Wall Street, all the same in that they are casinos.
    Gambling addicts have never had a reputation for being honest and trustworthy…

  18. The Average Joe’s response.

    Dear Wall Street Greedhead trader,

    Your fired. Your number is up, the ride is over. Your hubris is your weakness and ultimate downfall. Pitchforks are being sharpened, torches fueled, all is needed is a spark. To quote Jim Morrison, you may have the guns, but we got the numbers. The complete arrogance of the letter that generated this response is proof positive that you will never know what will hit you. If you ever lowered yourself from Wall street to main street, visited a union meeting, sat in a shelter, you would feel the anger, the fear, the resentment. Right now, it scattered, unfocused, but that one spark will set it off. Once Joe citizen, as you demeaningly call him, realizes his 401K and savings has already been stolen, kaboom. Congratulations, you will be the one thing that unites us all, right and left, the green party and tea party, old and young. Your poll numbers are south of Congress and dropping fast. I think you know it, feel it in your bones, but are living in denial, as we all were in the heady days of market excess, froth and exuberance.

    You in fact created nothing, added little and left the planet worse for your existence. Phony paper profits do not a strong economy make. Those so called profits of the boom went not towards the capitalistic mantra of plants and R & D and jobs. No, it went into the giant casino, a condo in Dubai, Hong Kong gold, tulips. You got conned by the greater master, along with the rest of us. There is always a bigger fish. If you think being at the top of the food chain, a master predator, will insure your survival, I need only point out the black rhino, snow leopard or Romanov prince as proof positive of that fallacy No sir, you too will become a relic, an extinct species, with a few samples held behind bars to remind us of all of your reign of terror.

    You speak of your work ethic and how it would easily translate to Joe’s job. Well 12 hrs in a Herman Miller chair yelling in a phone is in no way comparable to the same shift on a combine in the Kansas, or a garbage truck in St. Louis or sewer in Chicago, flyover country I think you call it.. You could no sooner slide into their job, as they yours, but once again, hubris blinds you to this reality. You are loved and revered mainly by your own kind, a kids club for the one percent crowd, you have drunk too much of the koolaide. You speak of sliding in to the teachers job, well I hope you do, it would be a better use of that Ivy league education that ripping off peoples life savings around the globe. I encourage you to teach, coach and partake of all the various activities in the educational system, as many in my community already do. I also suggest you try the lunches, see first hand what some of your multinational food service clients try to pass off as nutrition. See what food poisoning does to someone you love, all in the name of profits, you understand don’t you. Yes, I hope you get to live the objectivist, Randian life so easily proscribed by you and your friends at the club. That $ 85 grand you suggest as salary gets eaten up quickly when you have corporate healthcare, oil speculators, predatory lenders, synthetic CDO pushers and various others taking a bite long before taxes. Yes, yes, government has it hands in there as well, but frankly they operate on a better margin. We are not so blind to see that our government has been taken over, privatized I think it’s called, in the name of profits. Republican and Democrat alike all suckled at your teet. Don’t worry, they are next.

    Who am I, I am just and average Joe, behind on my bills due to “market corrections” , business owner, father and citizen. I am trying to offer some advice. Get out now, give it back and clean your soul. That faint glow in the distance in not morning in America, but the torchlit mob on it’s way.


    Apologies to the many fine people in finance, please take back control.

  19. chuck yeager | May 6, 2010 at 11:05 pm |

    Hubris has no better example. They get up at 5 and work hard? Great. Then paint my house bitches.

    Because I'm an engineer and I create the world you abuse the sh*t out of. And I guarantee you do not have the capacity to do what I do. I do make about $85K a year. There is an upside. You missed it. After the coming collapse, the engineers will dust off their desks and make the world you broke run again. Where will the FIRE economy be?

  20. LOL 🙂 More than passing…same for Grand Rapids, Kalamazoo, Battle Creek, Lansing and more. I’ve lived a lot of places in MI, but, per capita, Battle Creek is probably the most hopeless. Industry is only a memory, the tax base is exhausted, the charities are so strained that they’re starting to dry up, the meth problem from every nearby rural area leaves people scrambling for help in th nearest city (BC) and generally failing to get clean…the homeless population is at record heights, row after row of closed businesses…

    …if it wasn’t for a few people I love dearly…I’d say it was past time to try somewhere else.

    and by Wall St….I do mean the K Street finance wiz-kids who make up the 6 figure + bracket….not the low rent clerks.

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