The Sarah Palin Facebook Translator

Sarah Palindisinformation author Marty Beckerman (Dumbocracy) has landed himself a prime gig as Esquire‘s online features editor. He’s already written a number of posts for Esquire. Here’s the latest:

“Refudiate,” we have taught the ex-governor by now, is not a word. Not even on Twitter, where she took to defending her vocabulary this week. But it’s on Facebook where Sarah Palin takes to pushing her policy, her endorsements, and her general paranoia. Because if you can’t hold office for that whole final year, what better way to talk to two-million constituents at a time than through a thousand whole words on the “Notes” section?! And even if you take her postings seriously, they’re still pretty difficult to understand. Since Palin is sort of running for president but not really, we combed through her oeuvre with fine-toothed erudiation.

Example A (Posted July 20, 2010)

Subject: “An Intolerable Mistake on Hallowed Ground”

What She Said: “To build a mosque at Ground Zero is a stab in the heart of the families of the innocent victims of those horrific attacks… Many Americans, myself included, feel it would be an intolerable and tragic mistake to allow such a project… This is nothing close to ‘religious intolerance,’ it’s just common decency.”

What We Think She Meant: New York Muslims just want to build a community center (not just a mosque) two blocks away from Ground Zero (not at Ground Zero). The 9/11 terrorists were violent extremists, which means that peaceful moderates should stay away.

Translation: Build a church instead!

Example B (Posted February 1, 2010)

Subject: “Are You Capable of Decency, Rahm Emanuel?”

What She Said: “Rahm’s slur on all God’s children with cognitive and developmental disabilities — and the people who love them — is unacceptable, and it’s heartbreaking.”

What We Think She Meant: When the White House chief of staff called liberals “f—-ing retarded” for opposing health care reform compromises, he expressed bigotry against the less fortunate — who, by the way, could run the country better than liberals.

Translation: Rahm Emanuel is not capable of decency….

[continues at Esquire]

majestic

Majestic is gadfly emeritus.

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9 Comments on "The Sarah Palin Facebook Translator"

  1. jeezuskrist | Jul 22, 2010 at 6:36 pm |

    I put a negative comment on Palin's facebook page the other day and I was barred from further posting within five minutes. For someone who talks about rights so much, I found that to be a tad hypocritical.

    Friend me, 'Jeezus Krist' on facebook.

  2. Hadrian999 | Jul 22, 2010 at 8:58 pm |

    sad to say but sounding like a moron gets you lots of cred with “real americans”

    • E.B. Wolf | Jul 22, 2010 at 11:33 pm |

      Real Americans: “You think you're so smart 'cause you know words!”

      • tonyviner | Jul 23, 2010 at 2:03 am |

        That reminds me of the Bill Hicks bit. “Whatcha readin' for?” Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? “Hell, I don't know. So I don't end up as a waffle waitress.”

        • E.B. Wolf | Jul 25, 2010 at 8:26 am |

          I think Bill had a funny bit for nearly every flavor of human stupidity in existence. If he missed any, it's only because he ran out of time.

    • The controversy is whether Palin & co are morons themselves, or whether they're merely affecting stupidity in order to garner political favor.

  3. E.B. Wolf | Jul 25, 2010 at 1:26 pm |

    I think Bill had a funny bit for nearly every flavor of human stupidity in existence. If he missed any, it’s only because he ran out of time.

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