The Taliban’s Army Of Monkey Soldiers, In CGI

The New York Post reports on rumors that the Taliban is arming monkeys with AK-47s at the Pakistani border and training them to shoot American soldiers, using bananas as a reward. Below is a helpful CGI recreation of the Taliban’s banana-fueled monkey army, released by the Taiwanese news organization NMA.

17 Comments on "The Taliban’s Army Of Monkey Soldiers, In CGI"

  1. Hadrian999 | Jul 21, 2010 at 1:27 pm |

    actual courage and discipline will take them much farther than monkey soldiers.
    if they had any guts at all they could have killed me a few times.
    they're good for a laugh anyway.

    • GoodDoktorBad | Jul 21, 2010 at 3:12 pm |

      Apparently , no one is in that great a hurry to die, go figure….

      • Hadrian999 | Jul 21, 2010 at 3:15 pm |

        trust me, doing it half assed did not keep them from dieing

        • GoodDoktorBad | Jul 21, 2010 at 4:59 pm |

          We've been there ten years and still haven't won the war. You had training and better equipment, Puff out your chest all you want. Glad you survived, but ego still hasn't won the war. The longest war in American history and you say they're doing it half assed? Gimme a break. Only a fool doesn't respect an enemy who holds back victory from the the mighty U.S. for 10years. Arrogance like that is what loses wars or extends them for ten years…….shall we try for 11?

          Does anybody even know anymore why we are there? Do you? Its a scam and you know it -tough guy……

          • Hadrian999 | Jul 21, 2010 at 5:10 pm |

            we havent won because insurgencies aren't won by force.
            it can help in certain parts but it can't win it for you. you have to build your own legitimacy and erode that of your opponent. too many people want to approach it like an action film. with both sides fighting stupid it has the makings of a very very long war

          • GoodDoktorBad | Jul 21, 2010 at 5:55 pm |

            Agreed.

            I'd say there's a thin line between bravery and desperation. Something I'm sure you are aware of first hand….

            Peace

          • The way I look at it, they won by luring us out there to begin with.

          • Hadrian999 | Jul 21, 2010 at 7:11 pm |

            they didn't lure anyone this was in the planning stage long before 9/11
            and that's if you even believe they really did 9/11

    • You thought IEDs were bad. Wait for the banana peels.

  2. E.B. Wolf | Jul 21, 2010 at 2:24 pm |

    Their monkeys must hate the freedom of America's zoo-kept monkeys.

  3. Hadrian999 | Jul 21, 2010 at 2:25 pm |

    we're screwed if they get to magilla gorilla
    or god forbid……grape ape

    • E.B. Wolf | Jul 21, 2010 at 3:31 pm |

      I can see it now. A multi-billion dollar emergency task force to ensure that no Koran gets within 100 miles of King Kong.

  4. GoodDoktorBad | Jul 21, 2010 at 3:13 pm |

    More fun than a barrel full of Taliban?

  5. lifobryan | Jul 21, 2010 at 3:24 pm |

    Two years ago, the Iranians captured 14 squirrels that were equipped with miniature espionage gear, and accused the US of masterminding the plan.

    Story at NPR:
    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?st

    I couldn't find any Taiwanese CG re-creations, but there is this:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_Squirrel

    http://codenameplannr.wordpress.com/

  6. My god. The Taliban's evil genius knows no bounds. NONE! I for one was completely unaware that baboons could be found in Afghanistan, much less baboons whose hearts are so attached to bananas AND jihad that they'd stick around once they're being shot at. Those are some committed baboons. Pretty soon the Taliban will be hiring bonobo mercenaries for European martyrdom operations. We can only hope that American-born extremists don't hook up with native populations of sasquatch, or all hope is lost. I understand that sasquatch have extremely accurate throwing arms.

  7. Anonymous | Jul 22, 2010 at 5:16 pm |

    Back in the 1920’s, Josef Stalin wanted to create an army of ape-men supersoldiers: http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/sciencetech/stalins-deranged-vision-human-ape-super-race/1257

    But as far as war is concerned, aren’t we ultimately just primates flinging shit at each other?

  8. perniciousknid | Jul 22, 2010 at 12:16 pm |

    Back in the 1920's, Josef Stalin wanted to create an army of ape-men supersoldiers: http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/sciencetec

    But as far as war is concerned, aren't we ultimately just primates flinging shit at each other?

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