Who Is That Guy Smoking The Pipe?

dobbsWho is that guy smoking the pipe?

That is “Bob,” and he is the world’s greatest salesman. His greatest product is a religion called the Church of the SubGenius, and it preaches the power of Slack. The Subgeniuses  insist Slack is the ultimate mystery, but for all intents and purposes Slack is doing your own thing the way you want to. The reason Slack seems so mysterious is because the day you are born you are placed in a system that tries to replace your instincts with its idea of ideal behavior, so-called normality.

But of course there is no such thing as normality — it’s just this monster lie we invented which is now slowly driving us insane because we can never live up to it. So the church touts the value of abnormality as the means to salvation, but that’s just a more subversive way of saying ‘know thyself’ & ‘discover your true will.’ They also say Slack is something for nothing. What that means is by doing your own thing the way you want to you are in a more harmonious state of mind with your surroundings, with your emotional energy flowing properly “things” will start happening in your favor without you even trying. This philosophy is essentially new-age refunctadigm.

Because the church was started by a salesman; money is held in particular reverence — but that opens up a whole n’other can of worms consisting of certain dangerous complexities … but it’s really quite simple … if you have to buy something in order to find happiness then that is false slack. In general, if you think you have to get something (like a boyfriend or a car) to find happiness then that’s not real happiness; it’s just successful marketing. True happiness can only come from within, by knowing thyself and making everything else up. This is why they LIE about everything, because they seek to create discontinuity in the viewer in an attempt to short-circuit the need for authority figures and return man to a state of original Slack. There is no “Bob,” but “Bob” “is.”

Mystery solved. Results may vary.

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  • GoodDoktorBad

    The least non-sensical explanation of ” The Church of the Subgenius” I have ever read.

    Hail Bob!

  • Namelesswon

    Praise Bob!

  • oman28

    Sounds like the land of do as you please at the top of the magic faraway tree

    • Nigel

      Not exactly, but we can sell you the top of that tree for only $30

      • Conniedobbs

        And throw in a dobbs head sticker to boot!

  • DeepCough

    I think the secret of Bob's happiness has something to do with “what” he bought to go with that pipe.

  • http://voxmagi-necessarywords.blogspot.com/ VoxMagi

    If only the Church of the Sub-Genius had taken off and had more influence than Scientology. It would be much much more entertaining to see Travolta and Cruise all mellow and preaching the wisdom of Bob. Also…far less retarded than Lord Xenu and thetans.

    • Conniedobbs

      YOU TAKE THAT BACK! We are *FAR* more retarded than Xenu and thetans!

      • http://voxmagi-necessarywords.blogspot.com/ VoxMagi

        LOL…perhaps…but theres a difference between 'retarded' as 'funny but cool' and retarded as horrifying and tragic. CotSG gives me warm fuzzies…CoS makes me shudder in disgust.

    • SE7EN_STAR

      “If only the Church of the Sub-Genius had taken off and had more influence than Scientology.”

      Stang has said on alt slack he is happy with the way things turned out… except of course for the 3rd degree burn scars all over his body from the first x-day when a bunch of psycho bobbies tarred and feathered the poor bastard because *OMG* no saucers showed up! It just goes to show; if they can't take a joke… they're gonna fuck YOU.

      Call me crazy, but I do think the CotSG will become world-famous someday… it just won't happen under the current regime. But can you blame him???

      • Stang

        Sorry, but the “tar” you describe was actually honey — we called it “motor oil” on stage — and I paid for the pretty pink feathers myself. Your “psycho bobbies” were my friends Dr. Legume, IrRev. Friday Jones, Rev. Jacqueline Hyde, and Rev. Susie the Floozie. The business about third degree burns etc. is one of our little Gullibility Tests for detecting Pink Boys who wouldn't know a joke if it fucked them in the ass.

        • SE7EN_STAR

          well colored me pink!

      • troubleeveryday

        I wouldn't believe a thing that Stang says. He said the Xists would come and we would be lifted up in 1998, and I'm still waiting.

  • Nicetie2003

    Bob is God!

  • Erebhir

    I was 20 when “Revelation X” was published. That book's lessons of recognizing, deconstructing, and leaving behind groupthink, including the groupthink of counterculture, has had a lasting and liberating influence on me. Sincerely, Praise “Bob.”

  • ET

    And here I thought it was “Lou Dobbs” of the “Church of the Subgenius [sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-genius]''.

  • Triangleye

    Bob in the anti-Bob! Hail Eris-All hail Discordia-Kallisti. (—)

  • EcstasyOfApostasy

    Old meme is old.

    Also, you left out the part about the sex goddesses from space!!!

    • Triangleye

      Haha! You think Eris is a meme!

  • MK CULTRA

    Kallisti!

    LIBERTAS AB CHAO

  • The Mond

    I still remember listening to the Church's radio show on KNON 89.3 in Dallas back in the late 80's – it was anything but normal and I loved it.

    • CynthPoet

      Ah, KNON. Sweet, sweet KNON.

  • justagirl

    hi bobby.

  • Zeusvondemigod

    There is no prob with BOB!

  • Word Eater

    Words to live by: “too much is always better than not enough.”

    You taught me well.

    Although, I've been disappointed since the first X Day came and went with no apocalypse. If you just wanted an excuse to party, did you have to bring the end of the world into it?

  • Doc Tourneau

    Yes, give me Slack or KILL me! We want SLACK! The Superior Abnormal cleaves to the word of “Bob” and RANTS! Or not. The Abnormal One in a Million has the Xists as his mentor, guide and BUDDY! I TELL YOU, the Superior Abnormal KNOWS that time clocks has no power over him, and thus he can't GO crazy because he IS crazy! Praise “Bob,” he BECOMES himself the Slack he buys from “Bob”! Don't be FOOLED! You KNOW delusions are GOOD! Your own delusions, even in the face of THOUSANDS of False Jesii, is living proof that the Abnormal One in a Million nature IS the best deal you will ever have for $30. PRAISE “Bob”! This is REALITY! The SubGenius cannot IMAGINE what it is like to be Normal. The Joe Sixpacks WANT to be told what to do, WANT to be ordered around! They hear the Divine Jest and respond only with a blank STARE! The Mister Nice Guys are a DEAD END, but a dead end that can drag the Superior Abnormal down WITH them!

  • SE7EN_STAR

    WTF!?!?! I thought i didn't post this.

  • Stang

    Somebody without a sense of humor “explaining” the Church of the SubGenius is always good for laughs!

  • PussyGalore

    Depends on your definition of “normal” normal to me means I work as hard as I can that I can call upon my friends to help me in need and it wont be out of their own selfishness that they are feeding off my pain. That I will be understanding of their limitations but only if they have shared some of what is going on in their “perfect” lives. Normal means you have come to terms with the “clutter” in your life, not just physical but mental. There is a difference between “normal” and “perfect” and it varies for each of us. There is no one size fits all because these days you need an XXXL because parents are too busy on the internet bitching and playing WOW than playing with their children and asking if anyone is bullying them. This is why I won't ever have children because you techno freaks are destroying the world! Invent the God Particle so you can try to make all your pain just disappear like it never existed, you always take the easy way out. Get a vagina and go bleed then maybe you men that are ruining the world will get an idea, and ladies those of you that want to have the power of men you are to blame too!

  • Ramzi Abed

    I listened to the very same show on KNON and watched the show on public access in Dallas. Praise Bob. -Ramzi Abed

  • gimme no flack

    Don't let this religion fool you. Slack isn't easy unless you are homeless or you are the richest man on earth. Doing slack will bring on the many who will nag you to death. I can slack with the best of them and my slack increases in proportion to the money coming my way, the more of it(money) the more I slack and let me tell you no one but no one can slack better than me. Believe me there are things worse than the crown of thorns, the nails in the hands and feet, there are worse things than that trust me and all because of living the life of slack.

  • MacAaron

    I've been an ordained minister in the Church of the SubGenius for over a decade. I've performed over a hundred marriages, all of which are good until consummated according to the Law of Slack.

  • troubleeveryday

    I think this is a church of Satanism.

  • Anonymous

    I wouldn’t believe a thing that Stang says. He said the Xists would come and we would be lifted up in 1998, and I’m still waiting.

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