Does Sexual Dysfunction in America Require Divine Intervention?

Nun Sex?Via the First Church of Mutterhals:

I’m not very altruistic, as most of you already know. I’m of the opinion that it’s every man for himself, whether you like it or not. You can’t really expect other people to take care of you and security is just coping mechanism. No one is really secure.

However, I do find the sexual dysfunction of many Americans troubling enough to warrant intervention. You have a vast number of women who are downright latently asexual, you have shit-load of straight men who are terrified of the implication that they might be gay, you have teens and young adults being told in one ear that abstinence and chastity are the only way, while in the other ear streams the most vulgar and perverse sexuality in the form of festering silicone tits and hooker culture, which celebrates coldly detached sex acts but shies away from real sensuality and pleasure.

But sex for its own sake is about as healthy as it gets. I have these two aquatic snails who will not stop fucking. It’s amazing, every time I look in the tank they are mounting each other. I didn’t even know snails were capable of fucking, but that’s all they do, apparently, and they’re snails…

Read More: First Church of Mutterhals

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  • Andrew

    “you won’t be tempted to shoot your TV, Elvis style”

    Like that’s a bad thing?

  • Andrew

    “you won’t be tempted to shoot your TV, Elvis style”

    Like that’s a bad thing?

  • Anonymous

    Can I have mine with rechargeable batteries please?

  • oman28

    Can I have mine with rechargeable batteries please?

  • William Xavier McGarley

    Hmmm. Lesee if I got this right. To paraphrase:

    “I give Jack-Sh*t ’bout y’alls. You can all choke to death on mouldy shards of broken glass for all I care. But I have an intense curiosity about your genetalia.”

    What the hell was the author of this drivel smoking? This was the most hillariously bat-sh*t garbage I’ve read all month! Thanks, Disinfo!

  • William Xavier McGarley

    Hmmm. Lesee if I got this right. To paraphrase:

    “I give Jack-Sh*t ’bout y’alls. You can all choke to death on mouldy shards of broken glass for all I care. But I have an intense curiosity about your genetalia.”

    What the hell was the author of this drivel smoking? This was the most hillariously bat-sh*t garbage I’ve read all month! Thanks, Disinfo!

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