OCONTO, Wis. (AP) — Conservation wardens say an increasing number of headless bucks have been found in northeastern Wisconsin State Department of Natural Resources warden Mike Stahl says investigators don’t know why at least a half dozen bucks have been found without their heads since the last week of October. The DNR say four were found in Oconto County’s Little Suamico-Abrams area. One was found in the Town of Spruce and another in Marinette County. Stahl tells WLUK-TV that because of various stages of decay, it’s not known how all bucks were killed, however the DNR has been able to determine at least two were shot.
My current theories are:
1. An alien advance scouting team took the heads for biometric sampling. Having just read that half-witted senator elect Ron Johnson is supposedly human, the aliens identified the deer as Wisconsin’s most intelligent life form by default and have focused their studies accordingly.
3. These deer beheaded themselves out of grief and shame for having voted for such a thimblewitted flip-flopper as Scott Walker (R). It must have come as a terrible shock to find that self-proclaimed job-creatin’ fiscal-responsibility-machine not only planned to piss away $810 million in federal grants (destroying nearly 5,000 jobs in the process), but also threw away any last semblance of sanity or dignity. Read about the slobbery hash Walker made of himself begging Spanish train company Talgo to remain in Wisconsin after he himself killed the projected that departing governor Jim Doyle (D) used to attract Talgo here in the first place.
Headless deer craftwork found at kraftomatic.