Christian Cult Bans USB As Satanic

usb_symbolDid you know that Satan has a presence in all of our homes? For a clue, just take a look at your computer’s USB port — it’s branded with devilish trident symbolism. Luckily, a Brazilian evangelical cult is spreading the warning, the Guardian reports:

The evangelical cult “Paz do Senhor Amado” (“Peace of the beloved Lord”) in the interior of Brazil forbids its followers to use any USB technology by contending that it uses a symbol that shows sympathy for the devil.

Its founder, the “Apostle” Welder Saldanha, says that this is just another symbol of Satan, which is always present in all Christian homes.

“The symbol of that name [a name which he doesn't even like to pronounce] is a trident, which is used to torture souls that go to hell. Use only a symbol of those shows that all users of that vile technology are actually worshipers of Satan,” explains the” Apostle.”

Measures were taken so that all the USB connections of his followers were exchanged for common connections and even the Bluetooth, which according to Saldanha Welder is permitted, for “Blue was the color of the eyes of our savior Jesus Christ.”

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  • http://www.xenex.org/ xen

    Oh, that blue eye comment is precious. Of course Jesus was a perfect Aryan man (you know, the YHWH must be) and not – oh, I don’t know – a Middle Eastern Jew.

    Also, the whole trident thing was to defame other gods (Poseidon) and has no Biblical grounding. But don’t let the facts of your holy text stop you now, as it rarely interferes with religious decisions.

  • http://www.xenex.org/ xen

    Oh, that blue eye comment is precious. Of course Jesus was a perfect Aryan man (you know, the YHWH must be) and not – oh, I don’t know – a Middle Eastern Jew.

    Also, the whole trident thing was to defame other gods (Poseidon) and has no Biblical grounding. But don’t let the facts of your holy text stop you now, as it rarely interferes with religious decisions.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_746WZBCYHAFUTNZJFRPYLGWVAQ Adrian Machov

      Finally, somebody with a brain!

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been pushing my dongle into Satan’s port all these years?

  • dumbsaint

    I’ve been pushing my dongle into Satan’s port all these years?

  • DeepCough

    Did they think that USB stood for Universal “Satanic” Bus (presumably destined to Hell)?

  • DeepCough

    Did they think that USB stood for Universal “Satanic” Bus (presumably destined to Hell)?

  • Kali23Yuga

    Looks more like a sigil than a trident.
    Which is even more ev0l!
    But I won’t give them food for thought.

  • Kali23Yuga

    Looks more like a sigil than a trident.
    Which is even more ev0l!
    But I won’t give them food for thought.

  • Anonymous_Reader

    Computer hell is where you are poked with a USB, burned with Firewire.

  • Anonymous

    Computer hell is where you are poked with a USB, burned with Firewire.

  • Jacob

    LMAO! This is just too much.

  • Jacob

    LMAO! This is just too much.

  • efritzz42

    Yes…the ‘robot devil’ from futurama told me so.

  • efritzz42

    Yes…the ‘robot devil’ from futurama told me so.

  • http://twitter.com/gravitywheel Chad McDouchington

    What the heck does “the USB connections were exchanged for common connections” mean? USB is the most common connection there is right now! Please tell me they’re retrofitting all their devices to parallel or something. That’d be hilarious. We know it couldn’t be (lake of) Firewire!

  • http://twitter.com/gravitywheel Kyle McMasters

    What the heck does “the USB connections were exchanged for common connections” mean? USB is the most common connection there is right now! Please tell me they’re retrofitting all their devices to parallel or something. That’d be hilarious. We know it couldn’t be (lake of) Firewire!

  • Chee

    In hell. they make you use a 486 and dial up in order to download songs from the internet.

  • Chee

    In hell. they make you use a 486 and dial up in order to download songs from the internet.

  • Rfw888

    there is no limit to the stupidity of the human animal.

  • Rfw888

    there is no limit to the stupidity of the human animal.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_746WZBCYHAFUTNZJFRPYLGWVAQ Adrian Machov

    Finally, somebody with a brain!

  • Haystack

    And deviled eggs are how Satan tricks us into taking his communion.

  • Haystack

    And deviled eggs are how Satan tricks us into taking his communion.

  • districtofdelusion

    lmao!

  • districtofdelusion

    lmao!

  • Parker Gabriel

    This “Welder Saldanha” or “Saldanha Welder” is a idjit. What manner of Nazi fed him this baloney?

  • Parker Gabriel

    This “Welder Saldanha” or “Saldanha Welder” is a idjit. What manner of Nazi fed him this baloney?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kanar-Akbar/100001182638748 Kanar Akbar

    Oh man, tell me that is not true. How can anyone just ban something which has no connection with devil and is even not against any religion.
    They should have some brains atleast.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kanar-Akbar/100001182638748 Kanar Akbar

    Oh
    man, tell me that is not true. How can anyone just ban something which
    has no connection with devil and is even not against any religion.They should have some brains atleast.Callaway Diablo Edge Hybrid Review

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