Christian Cult Bans USB As Satanic

usb_symbolDid you know that Satan has a presence in all of our homes? For a clue, just take a look at your computer’s USB port — it’s branded with devilish trident symbolism. Luckily, a Brazilian evangelical cult is spreading the warning, the Guardian reports:

The evangelical cult “Paz do Senhor Amado” (“Peace of the beloved Lord”) in the interior of Brazil forbids its followers to use any USB technology by contending that it uses a symbol that shows sympathy for the devil.

Its founder, the “Apostle” Welder Saldanha, says that this is just another symbol of Satan, which is always present in all Christian homes.

“The symbol of that name [a name which he doesn’t even like to pronounce] is a trident, which is used to torture souls that go to hell. Use only a symbol of those shows that all users of that vile technology are actually worshipers of Satan,” explains the” Apostle.”

Measures were taken so that all the USB connections of his followers were exchanged for common connections and even the Bluetooth, which according to Saldanha Welder is permitted, for “Blue was the color of the eyes of our savior Jesus Christ.”

30 Comments on "Christian Cult Bans USB As Satanic"

  1. Oh, that blue eye comment is precious. Of course Jesus was a perfect Aryan man (you know, the YHWH must be) and not – oh, I don’t know – a Middle Eastern Jew.

    Also, the whole trident thing was to defame other gods (Poseidon) and has no Biblical grounding. But don’t let the facts of your holy text stop you now, as it rarely interferes with religious decisions.

  2. Oh, that blue eye comment is precious. Of course Jesus was a perfect Aryan man (you know, the YHWH must be) and not – oh, I don’t know – a Middle Eastern Jew.

    Also, the whole trident thing was to defame other gods (Poseidon) and has no Biblical grounding. But don’t let the facts of your holy text stop you now, as it rarely interferes with religious decisions.

  3. Anonymous | Dec 10, 2010 at 11:34 pm |

    I’ve been pushing my dongle into Satan’s port all these years?

  4. dumbsaint | Dec 10, 2010 at 7:34 pm |

    I’ve been pushing my dongle into Satan’s port all these years?

  5. DeepCough | Dec 10, 2010 at 11:59 pm |

    Did they think that USB stood for Universal “Satanic” Bus (presumably destined to Hell)?

  6. DeepCough | Dec 10, 2010 at 7:59 pm |

    Did they think that USB stood for Universal “Satanic” Bus (presumably destined to Hell)?

  7. Kali23Yuga | Dec 11, 2010 at 12:37 am |

    Looks more like a sigil than a trident.
    Which is even more ev0l!
    But I won’t give them food for thought.

  8. Kali23Yuga | Dec 10, 2010 at 8:37 pm |

    Looks more like a sigil than a trident.
    Which is even more ev0l!
    But I won’t give them food for thought.

  9. Anonymous | Dec 11, 2010 at 3:27 am |

    Computer hell is where you are poked with a USB, burned with Firewire.

  10. Anonymous_Reader | Dec 10, 2010 at 11:27 pm |

    Computer hell is where you are poked with a USB, burned with Firewire.

  11. LMAO! This is just too much.

  12. LMAO! This is just too much.

  13. efritzz42 | Dec 11, 2010 at 4:09 am |

    Yes…the ‘robot devil’ from futurama told me so.

  14. efritzz42 | Dec 11, 2010 at 12:09 am |

    Yes…the ‘robot devil’ from futurama told me so.

  15. What the heck does “the USB connections were exchanged for common connections” mean? USB is the most common connection there is right now! Please tell me they’re retrofitting all their devices to parallel or something. That’d be hilarious. We know it couldn’t be (lake of) Firewire!

  16. What the heck does “the USB connections were exchanged for common connections” mean? USB is the most common connection there is right now! Please tell me they’re retrofitting all their devices to parallel or something. That’d be hilarious. We know it couldn’t be (lake of) Firewire!

  17. In hell. they make you use a 486 and dial up in order to download songs from the internet.

  18. In hell. they make you use a 486 and dial up in order to download songs from the internet.

  19. there is no limit to the stupidity of the human animal.

  20. there is no limit to the stupidity of the human animal.

  21. Finally, somebody with a brain!

  22. And deviled eggs are how Satan tricks us into taking his communion.

  23. And deviled eggs are how Satan tricks us into taking his communion.

  24. districtofdelusion | Dec 11, 2010 at 10:11 pm |

    lmao!

  25. districtofdelusion | Dec 11, 2010 at 6:11 pm |

    lmao!

  26. Parker Gabriel | Dec 12, 2010 at 5:54 am |

    This “Welder Saldanha” or “Saldanha Welder” is a idjit. What manner of Nazi fed him this baloney?

  27. Parker Gabriel | Dec 12, 2010 at 1:54 am |

    This “Welder Saldanha” or “Saldanha Welder” is a idjit. What manner of Nazi fed him this baloney?

  28. Oh man, tell me that is not true. How can anyone just ban something which has no connection with devil and is even not against any religion.
    They should have some brains atleast.

  29. Oh
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