I’m Voting for the Dead Guy

Obama Wants Brains

Image courtesty of TeeFury

Stacie Adams writes on the Nervous Breakdown:

Let me tell you a little story. Perhaps it won’t be very compelling or important, and perhaps the opinion of one slightly unhinged free lance writer means nothing, but the truth is I never voted in my life until 2008.

Everyone at the polling place knew who I was voting for, due to my age and demeanor. There were a shit ton of us, all there to put a vote in for Barack Obama, which really rubbed the old folks raw.

These were the people who voted every election cycle without fail, and now had to contend with a wave of urban hipsters and other artsy types.

A man walked in behind us and barked ‘Bliss, Republican!’ at the little old ladies working the polls, all of whom puffed up their chests and yelled back that he needn’t be such an ass about it.

Come on, we were all excited. It’s not that I thought racial harmony would dawn or that Obama was anything other than a politician. I just thought that his election was a sign of things to come, i.e. people finally abandoning all the nonsense ideas about the completely bullshit concept of race. Also, Sarah Palin scared the fuck out of me.

So I did it, and I only felt good about it for a little while. Because things went bad soon after. Obama was about as predictable as any other politician, meaning he sold out everyone who put him in office almost instantly, which is depressing enough without taking into account the way most people reacted to him.

He’s a Muslim socialist. He’s a Muslim and a socialist, say the people who have no fucking idea what either word means. He’s in a sleeper cell! I saw him snort a whole baby off a hooker’s ass! He’s making Lil’ Wayne Secretary of State!

Anytime you support anything it becomes your problem. Now, just because I voted for Obama (also, please consider that a working class atheist with psychotic tendencies has no business voting republican), suddenly it’s like we’re talking about sports; ‘your boy’s really tanking in the play offs, your team sucks.’ Everything he does is my fault.

They’re not my team, OK, I don’t have a team. I’m trying to affect that whole lone wolf, out on my own image, and it doesn’t help when I have democratic fundraisers calling my house asking me to help them out again. Seriously, it was just that one time, I was drunk, he told me all kinds of nice things and I foolishly believed him. My voter registration card says ‘no affiliation’ which I am irrationally proud of. It doesn’t say democrat or republican or independent (which actually means ‘democrat or republican who has pissed off their respective party’).

But as the presidential election swings around again, I’ve begun asking myself what I should do this time. I stayed away for the midterm elections, because I wouldn’t elect most of those people to municipal dog catcher. But this time I feel obligated, if only to prove everyone wrong who claimed that those who voted for Obama last time will stay home the next. So I’m voting for the dead guy.

Not Aleister Crowley, thought it’s tempting. I’m writing in Hunter S. Thompson. He has prior political experience, he’s progressive, he’s a doctor of divinity. Did I mention that he’s dead? Oh who gives a fuck, republicans would posthumously nominate Ronald Reagan if they could, and he was dead for most of his two terms.

We need a man like Hunter to sort us out…

Read More on the Nervous Breakdown

  • mrtastycakes

    “ROWDY” RODDY PIPER/HUNK OF CHEESE 2012

  • mrtastycakes

    “ROWDY” RODDY PIPER/HUNK OF CHEESE 2012

  • 5by5

    Muhammad Yunus 2012.

    Because he really IS a Muslim, really ISN’T an American, already won a Peace Prize, and is a banker who helps the poor. It’ll confuse the fuck out of all the right people.

  • 5by5

    Muhammad Yunus 2012.

    Because he really IS a Muslim, really ISN’T an American, already won a Peace Prize, and is a banker who helps the poor. It’ll confuse the fuck out of all the right people.

  • WhiteRose

    Donald Trump and Kanye West

  • WhiteRose

    Donald Trump and Kanye West

  • Simiansink

    My friend, Jared Moraitis made that image. Check him out a BeastPop Artworks.

  • Simiansink

    My friend, Jared Moraitis made that image. Check him out a BeastPop Artworks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/beastpoppa Jared Moraitis

    Thanks for the artist credit, Simiansink — since they didn’t have the foresight to properly credit the artist themselves.

  • http://www.facebook.com/beastpoppa Jared Moraitis

    Thanks for the artist credit, Simiansink — since they didn’t have the foresight to properly credit the artist themselves.

  • Liam_McGonagle

    David Cross reference? The bit about Carnahan v. Ashcroft?

  • Liam_McGonagle

    David Cross reference? The bit about Carnahan v. Ashcroft?

  • Guest

    LOL “The completely bullshit concept of race”
    I continued reading what ‘Stacie’ had to say, but she’s just as ignorant as any ornery old white redneck conservative.

    • Liam_McGonagle

      Be explicity. What are you trying to say?

      There is no stable set of biological criteria defining race. That is a simple statement of empirical fact.

      Now you can make the argument that race still has considerable relevance as a popular social construct, and I’d agree to that. But that would only be to stipulate that any “race-based” arguments are built on a foundation of shifting sands.

      I think the vast majority of reader’s understood the author’s characterization of race as a “bullshit concept” in this way, and agree. So what exactly do you take such exception to it?

  • Guest

    LOL “The completely bullshit concept of race”
    I continued reading what ‘Stacie’ had to say, but she’s just as ignorant as any ornery old white redneck conservative.

  • Liam_McGonagle

    Be explicity. What are you trying to say?

    There is no stable set of biological criteria defining race. That is a simple statement of empirical fact.

    Now you can make the argument that race still has considerable relevance as a popular social construct, and I’d agree to that. But that would only be to stipulate that any “race-based” arguments are built on a foundation of shifting sands.

    I think the vast majority of reader’s understood the author’s characterization of race as a “bullshit concept” in this way, and agree. So what exactly do you take such exception to it?

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