Introducing The American Party

Dear Friends, Countrymen, Freethinking Radicals and Brainwashed Monkeys,

Thank you for coming. Thank you for showing your support. Thank you all for making The American Party happen. If this is your first time learning of us then an introduction is in order.

We’re responsible for creating the petition to free Patricia Marilyn Spottedcrow. A mother of four sent to ten years in prison for selling $31 of marijuana. On April 20th, 2011  we’re going to march on Washington D.C. and petition President Obama to pardon her of all criminal charges and penalties.

But I got to let you in on a little secret. This isn’t entirely about Patricia or getting her out of prison. This is bigger than that. This movement is about the fact that everything in this country is fucked up on every level: top to bottom, large to small. Patricia was just the straw that broke the camels back. And the Camel was America. The sound of that judge’s gavel sealing Patricia’s fate was the sound of America cracking. “The center does not hold,” as the American Indians used to say. Yes. That was the sound that signaled the collapse of western civilization. When someone was sent to ten years in prison for selling a plant.* Let me tell you something — I believe in God — I believe in a higher power. And I does believe it works in mysterious ways. Because to me that sound was all those things and more. To me it was a wake-up call.

*It’s just a plant. It just grows that way. And if you should happen to set it on fire there are some effects. That’s not the same as drugs. With drugs you got to do shit to it chemically. [ins rest of Kat Williams rant.]

The one thing we always hear from the establishment is how unhealthy marijuana is. And I’m thinking these people are unaware of how unhealthy everything else is for us. Just a few things come to mind: air pollution, acid rain, mercury in the water supply, high tension power lines, radioactive waste dumped in our backyards, conservatives — I swear, if they could devote that same reverence of life for a person after they leave the womb … I think … we would be in a much better place … after all these are the same people who said it was our patriotic duty to spend trillions of dollars killing brown people … then five years later they tell us universal health care is Un-American. You know, I wonder how many pregnant Iraqi women we killed … while we were “saving” those people from themselves. Could you imagine …. if the antiwar protesters had posted pictures of real bloody corpses from Iraq around the Pentagon? ah, But now I’m getting off track. Where was I? Unhealthy things, uh … guns …. I’m just saying. What else? Every single fast-food restaurant chain, every single product that has ‘high fructose corn syrup’ as an ingredient; which is a big-ass list on it’s own, and last but not the least relevant: prescription drugs, tobacco and alcohol.

And so I ask you … what do they think they’re protecting you from? Getting high!? The cynic says getting high is just an escape from reality – but can you blame us??? Between all the stuff we KNOW will kill us and the stuff we’re only afraid will kill us and the knowledge that we will die someday are rich assholes obsessed with making abortion illegal, just so they can send your kids off to war and tell you universal health care is immoral!

… And I refuse to believe the dubious ‘alternative’ presented by liberals are our only options. No. Not anymore. It’s the age-old battle between good and evil. But in the 21st century, this line has become significantly distorted. If you consider multinational corporate monoliths poisoning the planet for the benefit of the very few, or Al Gore to be representative of the good, then we must the most evil thing to come along since the 10 commandments.

So what does The American Party believe in?

• Marijuana reform: Legalize it.

• Education reform: We seek to create a school system that incorporates speed reading and memorization techniques directly into the curriculum. We also seek a curriculum that develops the ARTISTIC LEFT HEMISPHERE of the brain alongside the rational right. A popular misconception about the American ED-SYS is that it is ‘broken.’ When in fact, it is quite good at what it was designed for; creating dependable laborers for Industry. Thanks to the schooling system, youth are trained very early in how they are expected to be useful in the “REAL WORLD.” The real purpose of public education consists of three courses: one in punctuality, one in obedience, and one in rote, repetitive work. Industry demands workers who show up on time, workers who will take orders from a management hierarchy without question and it demands men and women to slave away at machines or in offices. Rather than lament or ignore these facts we should look at this system as a necessary evil that has allowed us to develop ourselves to this present state of technological sophistication; in fact, paving the way for what comes next. Since the type of jobs that need this ‘training’ are increasingly being outsourced to foreigners and fully automated mechanical laborers – a new economy and a new school system to support it are desperately needed.

• Economic reform: Now ideas for reform are all well and good, but we need CA$H to make it happen – fortunately our idea for economic reform covers that ground as well. The creative-based economy. (Web 3.0 (or whatever) The key is a government subsidized social networking website linked to a bank account. The consumer will pay you a fee (fee to be determined by you, the producer) to view your page, and a separate fee to “BUY” your content. Additionally, all content submitted to the website will be licensed as “creative commons” (or whatever) and by “BUYING” another producer’s content, you now have permission to sample their wares for your personal projects. And it’s collaboration, collaboration, collaboration all the way down. In order to help you make the most informed purchases the website will also give you suggestions on what profiles you will like based on your: past purchases, a rating system and those stupid little personality tests everyone loves.

The beauty of this thing is the website won’t cost the government a fraction of what they will eventually make from it. First, let Google handle all tech stuff. Second, by allowing the government to bankroll this thing – they in turn can tax all the purchases directly (a sales tax) and use that money to reform the prison and education system.

Of course, the skeptics will say people won’t want to buy tomorrow what they can get for free today. But if you – YES! YOU! — can also make money from your: rants, articles, political musings, drawings, poems, music, videos etc., then why not pay other people for what they’ve created? Remember, you’ll be allowed to sample content from the producers you’ve bought from. That’s the key. “The right to share.”

Getting Started: Every American with a social security number will automatically be given an account to begin buying and selling content. You know, we got these ‘nationalized banks,’ let’s use them. Give card-carrying Americans a $100 starting balance to be used exclusively for the site. Now obviously we wouldn’t want to restrict users to just America — the entire WORLD will use this site, yet it will be the American government alone collecting taxes on every purchase … reduced debt, anyone?

The website has to allow porn. That’s the only way we can keep interest alive in this thing  long enough for the educational system to produce its ARTISTS (the ones who are really going to do this site justice.) We’ll create a ‘seperate’ site, a ‘blue’ version, strictly for adult content. Since the entire foundation of this website is based on people buying access to content, there will have to be some kind of ID verification put in place. This would prevent underage viewers from even being able to log on to the ‘blue’ site.

• Prison reform: They say America doesn’t produce anything anymore — but I call bullshit on that. America is the no.1 producer of trash. On a related note, we also have a problem with prison overcrowding. The current prison paradigm says the best way to ‘rehabilitate’ criminals is lock them away with other criminals in a dehumanizing environment. Fair enough. Let’s expand on that concept. Instead of letting prisoners use their ‘free-time’ to become better criminals – I say we put them to work. The prison system is in reality, a vast, untapped labor source. Filled with people who need to learn some more punctuality & obedience. And what better punishment than being forced to perform rote, repetitive work? By modifying the prison facility we can use prisoners to: sort through and recycle the literal tons of trash we produce, convert organic trash to methane for fuel. And here’s a novel idea, how about making prisoners grow government weed? I mean, who here would have a problem with buying your pot from the government? You know, as long as they promise not to lace it with ‘mind altering chemicals.’ yuk yuk yuk. Makes sense considering all the people who are already in prison for growing marijuana.

“But wouldn’t all those ‘growers’ be set free when marijuana is legalized?”

Well, let’s examine that. As absurd as it may seem to you or I, for some people, prison is a lifestyle choice. They want to be in prison. It’s the only place in society where they feel comfortable. And why not? Going to prison may be the logical response to a society that tries to make all your decisions for you. WHO KNOWS? Maybe for Patricia Marilyn Spottedcrow prison was the perfect escape! Put yourself in her shoes; trying to support four kids selling weed. Fuck. Nonetheless, some people definitely like being in prison. To those people I say, FINE! Stay there. We’ll give you a cushy job and state-of-the-art reeducation.

This is the blueprint to The American Party. You may not agree with every aspect of what we believe. But compared to the ‘business-as-usual’ antics on Capital Hill – this movement will be like a nuclear bomb going off behind the eyes of Uncle Sam. America is just a word. Ok? It’s not the government, it’s just a construct. You are the real thing. You are what makes things happen. And what we’re making right now is going to be puzzled over, and studied and followed, forever …

So let’s bring it all back home. Echoing the sentiment of that great American Ronald Reagan when he told the Germans to “tear down that wall”; on 4/20 let’s tell Obama to LET THAT WOMAN GO! And then show him our vision for the future.

So for your own sake … make sure this thing goes off without a hitch. And that’s real.