Scientology’s ‘Touch-Healing’ Global Disaster Response Squad: ‘Serving’ Haiti, Burma and Japan

Scientology Touch HealersPatrick Winn writes on GlobalPost:

BANGKOK, Thailand — After Cyclone Nargis left a trail of corpses along Burma’s coast in May 2008, foreign aid workers clamored to enter the military-controlled backwater.

Despite the world’s pleading, Burma’s paranoid generals forbade most foreign relief workers from entering the disaster zone. A frustrated U.K. threatened unauthorized air drops. The U.S. Navy was forced to float vessels loaded with life-saving supplies offshore.

But among the few who managed to access Burma’s worst-hit areas included adherents of the California-based Church of Scientology.

According to the church, miracles ensued after Scientologists touched down. Their team sought out traumatized Burmese for Scientology’s touch-healing techniques, professed to revive the spirit…

Read More: GlobalPost

10 Comments on "Scientology’s ‘Touch-Healing’ Global Disaster Response Squad: ‘Serving’ Haiti, Burma and Japan"

  1. Im an atheist and what is this?

  2. Im an atheist and what is this?

    • Marklar_Prime | Apr 14, 2011 at 11:51 am |

      What it is, is total bullshit called “touch therapy” brought to us by the retards of Scientology. The idea is a bit like reiki massage except that instead of the practitioner “manipulating the body’s vital energies” they are “getting rid of Thetans”, the invisible 1,000,000 year old souls of those murdered by the galactic overlord Xenu who chucked them all into a volcano and which now roam trapped upon the Earth and causing all of the world’s ills (I shit you not).

      For more of this dirt bag nuttiness just Google ‘scientology xenu OT3’. I can pretty much guarantee you’ll either laugh your ass off or end up curled up in a fetal position while sucking your thumb as you realize what little hope there is for a human race which includes morons who could actually buy in to such idiotic drivel spawned by a fourth rate science fiction author turned religious guru.

      I actually submitted to this sort of “therapy” at my workplace where all of the senior management were Scientologists. It didn’t do shit for me of course except to allow me to take a 30 minute break in the afternoon during which time I literally got paid for laying down on the job while they practiced their cretinous science fiction voodoo on me.

      I really should have come into work one day pretending to be blind and loudly demanding to know what they had done to me.

      • Malkiyahu | Apr 14, 2011 at 5:05 pm |

        It would be fun to pretend to be blind and then pretend to be healed by a Scientologist.

      • Simiantongue | Apr 15, 2011 at 12:32 am |

        “It didn’t do shit for me of course except to allow me to take a 30 minute break in the afternoon during which time I literally got paid for laying down on the job while they practiced their cretinous science fiction voodoo on me.”

        Thetans shmetans, as long as it came with a “happy ending” I wouldn’t complain.

  3. What it is, is total bullshit called “touch therapy” brought to us by the retards of Scientology. The idea is a bit like reiki massage except that instead of the practitioner “manipulating the body’s vital energies” they are “getting rid of Thetans”, the invisible 1,000,000 year old souls of those murdered by the galactic overlord Xenu who chucked them all into a volcano and which now roam trapped upon the Earth and causing all of the world’s ills (I shit you not).

    For more of this dirt bag nuttiness just Google ‘scientology xenu OT3’. I can pretty much guarantee you’ll either laugh your ass off or end up curled up in a fetal position while sucking your thumb as you realize what little hope there is for a human race which includes morons who could actually buy in to such idiotic drivel spawned by a fourth rate science fiction author turned religious guru.

    I actually submitted to this sort of “therapy” at my workplace where all of the senior management were Scientologists. It didn’t do shit for me of course except to allow me to take a 30 minute break in the afternoon during which time I literally got paid for laying down on the job while they practiced their cretinous science fiction voodoo on me.

    I really should have come into work one day pretending to be blind and loudly demanding to know what they had done to me.

  4. Malkiyahu | Apr 14, 2011 at 9:05 pm |

    It would be fun to pretend to be blind and then pretend to be healed by a Scientologist.

  5. Hadrian999 | Apr 15, 2011 at 2:37 am |

    i wouldn’t mind touch healing some cute japanese girls

  6. Hadrian999 | Apr 14, 2011 at 10:37 pm |

    i wouldn’t mind touch healing some cute japanese girls

  7. Simiantongue | Apr 15, 2011 at 4:32 am |

    “It didn’t do shit for me of course except to allow me to take a 30 minute break in the afternoon during which time I literally got paid for laying down on the job while they practiced their cretinous science fiction voodoo on me.”

    Thetans shmetans, as long as it came with a “happy ending” I wouldn’t complain.

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