Foghorn Leghorn Speaks On Matters in Wisconsin

FoghornLeghornIs it possible to channel a fictional character? Specifically, the Southern-gentrified blowhard from the Warner Bro.’s 1960’s “Foghorn Leghorn” franchise? Based upon experiments performed over the weekend, I can report a firm and conclusive “yes”. But the ritual requires copious volumes of an obscure Sri Lankan stout called “Lion“. And Mr. Legohorn seems to have quite a bit to say about Wisconsin people and places . . . .

“The behavior on display before us in this instance constitutes a perfect SCANDAL in the eyes of our sacred parliamentary traditions. This method of proceeding cannot call to mind words any loftier or more noble than “poltroon” and “knave”. I understand that the accepted standards of comportment may not be all they could in some of the darker corners of the great state of Wisconsin, but I see no reason to drag them into the sacred halls of our legislature.”

—Regarding the extraordinary violation of Wisconsin’s open meetings law by which Republican majority leader “Big Fitz” Fitzgerald surreptitiously passed Gov. Walker’s union-busting bill.)

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“I am led to believe that Mr. Fitzgerald holds some strong opinions regarding the physical attractiveness, or lack thereof, of the typical Wisconsin voter. No doubt the feeling is heartily reciprocated. Indeed, I daresay that Mr. Fitzgerald’s but-tocks are still sportin’ the friction burns from his mother’s desparate attempts to force in a feedin’ bottle.”

—Regarding Senate majority leader Scott Fitzgerald’s comments suggesting that Wisconsin citizens “smell bad”. Stay classy, Fitz.

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“I obtain an uncommon degree of satisfaction from Represenative Ryan’s enthusiastic sallies onto the rhetorical battlefield of economic policy; they are a reliable source of great amusement. Only a comedic genius of Rabelaisian proportions or a complete imbecile would prescribe a tourniquet around the throat as a treatment appropriate for a patient dying of thirst.”

—Regarding the brutally counterproductive austerity plan proposed by Janesville’s Paul Ryan.

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“I personally find the extraordinary conduct exhibited within Waukesha county to be scarcely unworthy of a mangey street mongel much less purported gentlemen and ladies. It is a shocking disappointment, to say the least.”

—Regarding the transparent fraud approved by the so-called Government Accountability Board during the recount in the Prosser/Kloppenburg race.

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“No, sir, I do not hold any degree in the biological sciences. I cannot opine on the plausibility of a human male siring offspring by union with a she-goat.  As such, I decline to further entertain any notions regarding the true parentage of the Government Accountability Board’s Kevin Kennedy.”

—Apparently a reflection of the current esteem in which Mr. Kennedy is held, given the Prosser fraud in Waukesha and the approval of 3 recall elections against “Wisconsin 14″ senators, despite literally hundreds of signatures found to have been obtained through fraudulent means.

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Yet another blot upon the escutcheon of the Dystopia Diaries

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