You Can No Longer (Legally) Have Sex with Animals in Florida

Dog BarkingMatthew Hendley writes in the Broward-Palm Beach New Times:

… Senate Bill 344, which bans “sexual contact” and “sexual conduct” with animals, goes into effect on Saturday [October 1].

Unfortunately for animal sexers, several people have faced charges in Florida after being caught fornicating with fauna; however, we couldn’t find a case of anyone being convicted. Police say Eugene Hickman, a 54-year-old DeFuniak Springs resident, was arrested in June after his grandson walked into a bedroom and saw him naked on top of the family bulldog, attempting to have sex with it.

According to the Walton County Clerk, Hickman is scheduled to go to trial in November on an animal cruelty charge as well as a charge of lewd and lascivious exhibition charge for allegedly doing the deed in front of the kid … Still, State Sen. Nan Rich’s bill banning sex with animals didn’t pass until her third attempt because legislators were convinced they were wasting their time on something that never happens.

Read More: Broward-Palm Beach New Times

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  • phreakwhensea

    lol

    DARN!

  • phreakwhensea

    lol

    DARN!

  • Asokdma

    No wonder Disney is there…

  • Asokdma

    No wonder Disney is there…

  • Hadrian999

    you’d thing romancing the family dog would be something you would lock the door for

  • Hadrian999

    you’d thing romancing the family dog would be something you would lock the door for

    • SF2K01

      He’s from the panhandle of Flordia, they’re as hickish and inbred as anyone else in the south.

      • http://www.facebook.com/elpolloloco52 Josh Adkisson

        Which is to say, they aren’t. Because very few of us in the south are inbred.

        No dude, really, fuck off. You don’t know anything about the south, by virtue of you making that statement you just made. Based on other posts you have made elsewhere, it seems you pretend to care about the poor. Why then, does your pretending not extend to the rural poor, or, as you call them, “hicks”?

  • http://www.facebook.com/elpolloloco52 Josh Adkisson

    Thank God we can still fuck people.



    Shit! People ARE animals.

    I guess we have to move on to fucking trees now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/elpolloloco52 Josh Adkisson

    Thank God we can still fuck people.



    Shit! People ARE animals.

    I guess we have to move on to fucking trees now.

    • http://www.ContraControl.com/ Zenc

      Knowing the Florida Legislature, they probably wrote the law wrong and it really does preclude sex with humans as well as with other animals.

      I guess all those Real Dolls I’ve bought over the years are about to pay off in a big way!

      • http://www.facebook.com/elpolloloco52 Josh Adkisson

        I read somewhere that the actual language of the bill says “animals,” which, if I remember my biology correctly, humans are a subset of (“Kingdom Animalia,” to be precise). That leaves the kingdoms of Plantae, Fungi, Protista, Archaea, and Bacteria as possible mates. So…yeah, they really cut down on our options in Florida. Can you even conceive of having sex with a protozoa?

        • http://www.ContraControl.com/ Zenc

          Hmm, you’re right. This version of the bill is certainly wide open to that sort of misinterpretation. Have to hope they’ve got a reasonable established definition elsewhere on the books or in the case law.

          I wonder if this law applies if I dress my partner up like Cthulhu?

          http://www.flsenate.gov/Session/Bill/2011/0344/BillText/Filed/PDF

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=609278702 ‘A-AJusten Utley

    Shouldn’t this be illegal nationally???????

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=609278702 ‘A-AJusten Utley

    Shouldn’t this be illegal nationally???????

  • http://buzzcoastin.posterous.com BuzzCoastin

    Damned laws, there goes Granny’s hobby

  • BuzzCoastin

    Damned laws, there goes Granny’s hobby

  • Anonymous

    He’s from the panhandle of Flordia, they’re as hickish and inbred as anyone else in the south.

  • Anonymous

    This just in…..animal adoptions drop by 50% in Florida.

  • StreetwiseProfessor

    This just in…..animal adoptions drop by 50% in Florida.

  • Calypso

    I guess those legislators were unaware of this http://delphinophile.com/…or http://www.deccanherald.com/content/193810/man-writes-book-sex-dolphin.html

    there is actually a cottage tourist industry in florida that caters to this…saw some links a few years back when reading about the history of south american shamans and their ‘encounters’ with pink river dolphins.

  • Calypso_1

    I guess those legislators were unaware of this http://delphinophile.com/…or http://www.deccanherald.com/content/193810/man-writes-book-sex-dolphin.html

    there is actually a cottage tourist industry in florida that caters to this…saw some links a few years back when reading about the history of south american shamans and their ‘encounters’ with pink river dolphins.

  • justagirl

    one person liked this..   O_o

  • justagirl

    one person liked this..   O_o

  • http://www.ContraControl.com/ Zenc

    Knowing the Florida Legislature, they probably wrote the law wrong and it really does preclude sex with humans as well as with other animals.

    I guess all those Real Dolls I’ve bought over the years are about to pay off in a big way!

  • Anonymous

    ………….I can’t believe….My best friend’s mom makes $77 an hour on the computer. She has been out of job for 9 months but last month her check was $5487 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read about it here CashMany.com ….is this possible???

  • Vi0let_femme

    EW!     

  • Vi0let_femme

    EW!     

  • Anonymous

    This is a vulgar infraction on my civil rights!

  • Redacted

    This is a vulgar infraction on my civil rights!

  • Liam_McGonagle

    It’s about states’ rights, man.

    I’ve been saying this for a long time, that Florida has a serious beastiality problem that the FEDS ARE JUST NOT DEALING WITH.  It’s rampant.  It’s crazy.  It’s down right un ‘Merican that this nation is so distracted with b*llshit red herrings like increasing taxes on Job Creators and trumped-up unemployment “crises” that it can’t address the glaring moral rot eating away at it’s core:  Dog F*cking.

    Thank the LORD some Florida legislator had the vision to take this thing on head-first (no double entendre intended) and out of the hands of the Fed’rl gub’mint.

  • Anonymous

    It’s about states’ rights, man.

    I’ve been saying this for a long time, that Florida has a serious beastiality problem that the FEDS ARE JUST NOT DEALING WITH.  It’s rampant.  It’s crazy.  It’s down right un ‘Merican that this nation is so distracted with b*llshit red herrings like increasing taxes on Job Creators and trumped-up unemployment “crises” that it can’t address the glaring moral rot eating away at it’s core:  Dog F*cking.

    Thank the LORD some Florida legislator had the vision to take this thing on head-first (no double entendre intended) and out of the hands of the Fed’rl gub’mint.

  • http://www.facebook.com/elpolloloco52 Josh Adkisson

    I read somewhere that the actual language of the bill says “animals,” which, if I remember my biology correctly, humans are a subset of (“Kingdom Animalia,” to be precise). That leaves the kingdoms of Plantae, Fungi, Protista, Archaea, and Bacteria as possible mates. So…yeah, they really cut down on our options in Florida. Can you even conceive of having sex with a protozoa?

  • http://www.ContraControl.com/ Zenc

    Hmm, you’re right. This version of the bill is certainly wide open to that sort of misinterpretation. Have to hope they’ve got a reasonable established definition elsewhere on the books or in the case law.

    I wonder if this law applies if I dress my partner up like Cthulhu?

    http://www.flsenate.gov/Session/Bill/2011/0344/BillText/Filed/PDF

  • http://www.facebook.com/elpolloloco52 Josh Adkisson

    Which is to say, they aren’t. Because very few of us in the south are inbred.

    No dude, really, fuck off. You don’t know anything about the south, by virtue of you making that statement you just made. Based on other posts you have made elsewhere, it seems you pretend to care about the poor. Why then, does your pretending not extend to the rural poor, or, as you call them, “hicks”?

  • greengestalt

    Do you know WHY there are so many states that suddenly found out they didn’t have “Bestiality” laws?

    ‘Coz the laws on the books were broad laws that were mainly to prevent interracial sex/marriage and homosexual relations.  They added “Bestiality” to the list to both help define the former and to make it challenging/embarrassing for anyone to argue against it.  It wouldn’t be “Candidate A argues for blacks and whites to marry” it’d be “Candidate A argues for legalizing sex with ANIMALS!”

    So when the feds scrubbed the racial laws from the books, it took lots of crazy laws with them.

  • Anonymous

    Do you know WHY there are so many states that suddenly found out they didn’t have “Bestiality” laws?

    ‘Coz the laws on the books were broad laws that were mainly to prevent interracial sex/marriage and homosexual relations.  They added “Bestiality” to the list to both help define the former and to make it challenging/embarrassing for anyone to argue against it.  It wouldn’t be “Candidate A argues for blacks and whites to marry” it’d be “Candidate A argues for legalizing sex with ANIMALS!”

    So when the feds scrubbed the racial laws from the books, it took lots of crazy laws with them.

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