You Can No Longer (Legally) Have Sex with Animals in Florida

Dog BarkingMatthew Hendley writes in the Broward-Palm Beach New Times:

… Senate Bill 344, which bans “sexual contact” and “sexual conduct” with animals, goes into effect on Saturday [October 1].

Unfortunately for animal sexers, several people have faced charges in Florida after being caught fornicating with fauna; however, we couldn’t find a case of anyone being convicted. Police say Eugene Hickman, a 54-year-old DeFuniak Springs resident, was arrested in June after his grandson walked into a bedroom and saw him naked on top of the family bulldog, attempting to have sex with it.

According to the Walton County Clerk, Hickman is scheduled to go to trial in November on an animal cruelty charge as well as a charge of lewd and lascivious exhibition charge for allegedly doing the deed in front of the kid … Still, State Sen. Nan Rich’s bill banning sex with animals didn’t pass until her third attempt because legislators were convinced they were wasting their time on something that never happens.

Read More: Broward-Palm Beach New Times

37 Comments on "You Can No Longer (Legally) Have Sex with Animals in Florida"

  1. phreakwhensea | Oct 2, 2011 at 8:00 pm |

    lol

    DARN!

  2. phreakwhensea | Oct 2, 2011 at 4:00 pm |

    lol

    DARN!

  3. No wonder Disney is there…

  4. No wonder Disney is there…

  5. Hadrian999 | Oct 3, 2011 at 12:06 am |

    you’d thing romancing the family dog would be something you would lock the door for

  6. Hadrian999 | Oct 2, 2011 at 8:06 pm |

    you’d thing romancing the family dog would be something you would lock the door for

    • He’s from the panhandle of Flordia, they’re as hickish and inbred as anyone else in the south.

      • Which is to say, they aren’t. Because very few of us in the south are inbred.

        No dude, really, fuck off. You don’t know anything about the south, by virtue of you making that statement you just made. Based on other posts you have made elsewhere, it seems you pretend to care about the poor. Why then, does your pretending not extend to the rural poor, or, as you call them, “hicks”?

  7. Thank God we can still fuck people.



    Shit! People ARE animals.

    I guess we have to move on to fucking trees now.

  8. Thank God we can still fuck people.



    Shit! People ARE animals.

    I guess we have to move on to fucking trees now.

    • Knowing the Florida Legislature, they probably wrote the law wrong and it really does preclude sex with humans as well as with other animals.

      I guess all those Real Dolls I’ve bought over the years are about to pay off in a big way!

      • I read somewhere that the actual language of the bill says “animals,” which, if I remember my biology correctly, humans are a subset of (“Kingdom Animalia,” to be precise). That leaves the kingdoms of Plantae, Fungi, Protista, Archaea, and Bacteria as possible mates. So…yeah, they really cut down on our options in Florida. Can you even conceive of having sex with a protozoa?

  9. Shouldn’t this be illegal nationally???????

  10. Shouldn’t this be illegal nationally???????

  11. Damned laws, there goes Granny’s hobby

  12. BuzzCoastin | Oct 2, 2011 at 10:07 pm |

    Damned laws, there goes Granny’s hobby

  13. Anonymous | Oct 3, 2011 at 4:46 am |

    He’s from the panhandle of Flordia, they’re as hickish and inbred as anyone else in the south.

  14. Anonymous | Oct 3, 2011 at 5:16 am |

    This just in…..animal adoptions drop by 50% in Florida.

  15. StreetwiseProfessor | Oct 3, 2011 at 1:16 am |

    This just in…..animal adoptions drop by 50% in Florida.

  16. I guess those legislators were unaware of this http://delphinophile.com/…or http://www.deccanherald.com/content/193810/man-writes-book-sex-dolphin.html

    there is actually a cottage tourist industry in florida that caters to this…saw some links a few years back when reading about the history of south american shamans and their ‘encounters’ with pink river dolphins.

  17. Calypso_1 | Oct 3, 2011 at 6:32 am |

    I guess those legislators were unaware of this http://delphinophile.com/…or http://www.deccanherald.com/content/193810/man-writes-book-sex-dolphin.html

    there is actually a cottage tourist industry in florida that caters to this…saw some links a few years back when reading about the history of south american shamans and their ‘encounters’ with pink river dolphins.

  18. justagirl | Oct 3, 2011 at 2:07 pm |

    one person liked this..   O_o

  19. justagirl | Oct 3, 2011 at 10:07 am |

    one person liked this..   O_o

  20. Knowing the Florida Legislature, they probably wrote the law wrong and it really does preclude sex with humans as well as with other animals.

    I guess all those Real Dolls I’ve bought over the years are about to pay off in a big way!

  21. Anonymous | Oct 3, 2011 at 3:58 pm |

    ………….I can’t believe….My best friend’s mom makes $77 an hour on the computer. She has been out of job for 9 months but last month her check was $5487 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read about it here CashMany.com ….is this possible???

  22. Vi0let_femme | Oct 3, 2011 at 4:24 pm |

    EW!     

  23. Vi0let_femme | Oct 3, 2011 at 12:24 pm |

    EW!     

  24. Anonymous | Oct 3, 2011 at 4:26 pm |

    This is a vulgar infraction on my civil rights!

  25. This is a vulgar infraction on my civil rights!

  26. Anonymous | Oct 3, 2011 at 4:38 pm |

    It’s about states’ rights, man.

    I’ve been saying this for a long time, that Florida has a serious beastiality problem that the FEDS ARE JUST NOT DEALING WITH.  It’s rampant.  It’s crazy.  It’s down right un ‘Merican that this nation is so distracted with b*llshit red herrings like increasing taxes on Job Creators and trumped-up unemployment “crises” that it can’t address the glaring moral rot eating away at it’s core:  Dog F*cking.

    Thank the LORD some Florida legislator had the vision to take this thing on head-first (no double entendre intended) and out of the hands of the Fed’rl gub’mint.

  27. Liam_McGonagle | Oct 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm |

    It’s about states’ rights, man.

    I’ve been saying this for a long time, that Florida has a serious beastiality problem that the FEDS ARE JUST NOT DEALING WITH.  It’s rampant.  It’s crazy.  It’s down right un ‘Merican that this nation is so distracted with b*llshit red herrings like increasing taxes on Job Creators and trumped-up unemployment “crises” that it can’t address the glaring moral rot eating away at it’s core:  Dog F*cking.

    Thank the LORD some Florida legislator had the vision to take this thing on head-first (no double entendre intended) and out of the hands of the Fed’rl gub’mint.

  28. I read somewhere that the actual language of the bill says “animals,” which, if I remember my biology correctly, humans are a subset of (“Kingdom Animalia,” to be precise). That leaves the kingdoms of Plantae, Fungi, Protista, Archaea, and Bacteria as possible mates. So…yeah, they really cut down on our options in Florida. Can you even conceive of having sex with a protozoa?

  29. Hmm, you’re right. This version of the bill is certainly wide open to that sort of misinterpretation. Have to hope they’ve got a reasonable established definition elsewhere on the books or in the case law.

    I wonder if this law applies if I dress my partner up like Cthulhu?

    http://www.flsenate.gov/Session/Bill/2011/0344/BillText/Filed/PDF

  30. Which is to say, they aren’t. Because very few of us in the south are inbred.

    No dude, really, fuck off. You don’t know anything about the south, by virtue of you making that statement you just made. Based on other posts you have made elsewhere, it seems you pretend to care about the poor. Why then, does your pretending not extend to the rural poor, or, as you call them, “hicks”?

  31. Anonymous | Oct 6, 2011 at 8:08 pm |

    Do you know WHY there are so many states that suddenly found out they didn’t have “Bestiality” laws?

    ‘Coz the laws on the books were broad laws that were mainly to prevent interracial sex/marriage and homosexual relations.  They added “Bestiality” to the list to both help define the former and to make it challenging/embarrassing for anyone to argue against it.  It wouldn’t be “Candidate A argues for blacks and whites to marry” it’d be “Candidate A argues for legalizing sex with ANIMALS!”

    So when the feds scrubbed the racial laws from the books, it took lots of crazy laws with them.

  32. greengestalt | Oct 6, 2011 at 4:08 pm |

    Do you know WHY there are so many states that suddenly found out they didn’t have “Bestiality” laws?

    ‘Coz the laws on the books were broad laws that were mainly to prevent interracial sex/marriage and homosexual relations.  They added “Bestiality” to the list to both help define the former and to make it challenging/embarrassing for anyone to argue against it.  It wouldn’t be “Candidate A argues for blacks and whites to marry” it’d be “Candidate A argues for legalizing sex with ANIMALS!”

    So when the feds scrubbed the racial laws from the books, it took lots of crazy laws with them.

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