God’s Online Dating Service For Christians

Thom Patterson asks “Is God going to hook me up online?” at CNN:

Has God taken an interest in the computer dating business? Does he (or she) have a username and password?

You might think so, if you’ve seen TV ads for the subscription-based dating website christianmingle.com.

The announcer says confidently: “Find God’s match for you.”

Really? Is God going to hook you up online? Cue the blogospheric debate.

“That’s awfully bold to presume they already know who God wants you to marry,” tweeted @Jessie_luvJesus recently.

“… SMH [shaking my head] these folks should be ashamed,” wrote @EWebb424.

The tagline has been creating a “misconception” that God works exclusively through Christian Mingle, says spokeswoman Ashley Reccord.

Launched in 2001, Christian Mingle now boasts more than 5 million members, 40% of whom joined within the past year, according to the site (Full disclosure: Christian Mingle advertises on CNN.)

Members can register free and are asked to answer several questions based on religious background and personal preferences. Based on those answers, the website offers profiles of potential matches.

A search on the site for “soul mate” among women age 18-80 came up with 1,000 profiles, including one from Florida.

“I’m in search of the man God has for me,” writes the 35-year-old woman. “I’m looking for my best friend, my soul mate, and someone to share life’s greatest moments with.”…

[continues at CNN]

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  • http://strictlyapathy.comoj.com SoulArbiter

    Wat.

  • http://strictlyapathy.comoj.com/ SoulArbiter

    Wat.

  • Heath

    Do you want to be my “Angel”?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFyv6Y2J9Lw 

  • Heath

    Do you want to be my “Angel”?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFyv6Y2J9Lw 

    • Calypso_1

      A great theme song for a church summer camp.

  • Gregory Wyrdmaven

    I see no problem with Xians using a website as a tool to determine Jesus’ will via what is basically divination.  A Magic-8 Ball might work in a pinch as well (and is cheaper).  It’s unnecessary, as prayer is cheaper than both methods.  Of course a website that makes money off of Xians is nothing new.  Xianity is big business for those who realize that a sheep and his money are soon parted.   

    The BIG problem with such a thing as Christian Mingle is that it will cause even more Xians to marry with their own, instead of coming out of their virtual monasteries.  We don’t need more inbred people in Uhmurkah who think that a Semitic deity that is a copy of Mithras and all the other living/dying sun gods Jesus was modelled after is also the only god of the loonyverse.

    Often all a Xian needs to break their conditioning and experience life is to have contact with people outside the compound.  Sadly, fewer and fewer of them do and they continue to live in a bubble in order not to catch what the rest of us have.  Many of them once they are exposed to other possiblities are like Prospero’s daughter in the Tempest:

    “O wonder!How many goodly creatures are there here!How beauteous mankind is! O brave new worldThat has such people in’t!”

    Fiat lux.

  • Gregory Wyrdmaven

    I see no problem with Xians using a website as a tool to determine Jesus’ will via what is basically divination.  A Magic-8 Ball might work in a pinch as well (and is cheaper).  It’s unnecessary, as prayer is cheaper than both methods.  Of course a website that makes money off of Xians is nothing new.  Xianity is big business for those who realize that a sheep and his money are soon parted.   

    The BIG problem with such a thing as Christian Mingle is that it will cause even more Xians to marry with their own, instead of coming out of their virtual monasteries.  We don’t need more inbred people in Uhmurkah who think that a Semitic deity that is a copy of Mithras and all the other living/dying sun gods Jesus was modelled after is also the only god of the loonyverse.

    Often all a Xian needs to break their conditioning and experience life is to have contact with people outside the compound.  Sadly, fewer and fewer of them do and they continue to live in a bubble in order not to catch what the rest of us have.  Many of them once they are exposed to other possiblities are like Prospero’s daughter in the Tempest:

    “O wonder!How many goodly creatures are there here!How beauteous mankind is! O brave new worldThat has such people in’t!”

    Fiat lux.

    • Ufdl

      Take the word ‘Xians’ in your comment and replace it with any other culture or group and you would be labeled a bigot. 

      • Calypso_1

        By whom?

  • Jj

    How is this news?  Jews and Muslims have a dating websites.  It makes sense that like-minded people would want to hook-up or get married. 

  • Jj

    How is this news?  Jews and Muslims have a dating websites.  It makes sense that like-minded people would want to hook-up or get married. 

  • Ufdl

    Take the word ‘Xians’ in your comment and replace it with any other culture or group and you would be labeled a bigot. 

  • Anonymous

    By whom?

  • Anonymous

    A great theme song for a church summer camp.

  • Anonymous

    Their trademarked slogan is “Find God’s Match for You.”
    As dating services use stochastic matching algorithms such as exponentialsized Markov Decision Processes this would imply that God works through randomized expressions.  Let us put aside the implications for Creationism at this juncture and turn our attention to the scriptures as provided for in this example of the King James Bible input through a Markov chain generator http://cdn.lts.cr/files/30439b1e1f5461855336/new_bible.txt
     
    The Opening Passage:
     
    Her continual coming she weary me. And I will pardon all their hinder parts [were] inward. And if [it were so], why should not blow on the altar, and wring off his garments.
     
    The Lord of Chaos Loves You and wants you to come with Him.

  • Calypso_1

    Their trademarked slogan is “Find God’s Match for You.”
    As dating services use stochastic matching algorithms such as exponentialsized Markov Decision Processes this would imply that God works through randomized expressions.  Let us put aside the implications for Creationism at this juncture and turn our attention to the scriptures as provided for in this example of the King James Bible input through a Markov chain generator http://cdn.lts.cr/files/30439b1e1f5461855336/new_bible.txt
     
    The Opening Passage:
     
    Her continual coming she weary me. And I will pardon all their hinder parts [were] inward. And if [it were so], why should not blow on the altar, and wring off his garments.
     
    The Lord of Chaos Loves You and wants you to come with Him.

  • http://profiles.google.com/bethywilliams Bethy Williams

    It makes sense…we’ve already established through discourse on homosexuality and premarital abstinence that God is extremely interested in everyone’s sex life.

  • http://profiles.google.com/bethywilliams Bethy Williams

    It makes sense…we’ve already established through discourse on homosexuality and premarital abstinence that God is extremely interested in everyone’s sex life.

  • Hadrian999

    funny, for an all powerful supreme being god sure does use a lot of middle men

  • Hadrian999

    funny, for an all powerful supreme being god sure does use a lot of middle men

  • http://buzzcoastin.posterous.com BuzzCoastin

    christianmingle.com
    Where Christians on the mingle get down to the holy dingle.

  • BuzzCoastin

    christianmingle.com
    Where Christians on the mingle get down to the holy dingle.

  • Tibus Heth

    Eugenics. Christians are trying to breed a master race, all that liberal phobia blah blah, just with names reversed.

    For those of us enlightened enough to realize that we were created by random contact between sperm and egg, it’s silly. But not all realize the truth.

  • Redacted

    Eugenics. Christians are trying to breed a master race, all that liberal phobia blah blah, just with names reversed.

    For those of us enlightened enough to realize that we were created by random contact between sperm and egg, it’s silly. But not all realize the truth.

    • Hadrian999

      if they’re starting with that goober in the ad it’s gonna be a long road to the master race

  • Hadrian999

    if they’re starting with that goober in the ad it’s gonna be a long road to the master race

  • Raz

    So they are gona date and then NOT have sex. What is the point of that? If id sign in for such a site it should be implicit that should end in sex!

  • Raz

    So they are gona date and then NOT have sex. What is the point of that? If id sign in for such a site it should be implicit that should end in sex!

  • http://voxmagi-necessarywords.blogspot.com/ VoxMagi

    Wouldn’t it be great if the ads were honest and truthful?

    “Deeply repressed 56 year old homosexual, seeking woman who doesn’t mind washing bloodstained clothes and delivering alibis for her husbands whereabouts during impromptu church camping trips with soon to be missing teen boys. Must love Jesus and be a good cook.”

    or

    “Looking for fun without compromising virginity pledge. 18 year old girl into oral, anal, groups or anything at all…as long as the hymen stays intact. Middle aged men who are generous will be given highest consideration!”

    or

    “Need faithful wife who will obey her husband. Must expect regular beatings…but not enjoy them…because that would be sick and perverted and a defiance of Christ’s will that expressly implies your submission and misery…not pleasure. Good carpentry skills for building protest signs against womens clinics a plus!”

    or best of all

    “Baptist minister seeks: …well…anything. Already done everything, hope you might have some new ideas I haven’t tried yet. Guaranteed fun! Very experienced!”

  • http://voxmagi-necessarywords.blogspot.com/ VoxMagi

    Wouldn’t it be great if the ads were honest and truthful?

    “Deeply repressed 56 year old homosexual, seeking woman who doesn’t mind washing bloodstained clothes and delivering alibis for her husbands whereabouts during impromptu church camping trips with soon to be missing teen boys. Must love Jesus and be a good cook.”

    or

    “Looking for fun without compromising virginity pledge. 18 year old girl into oral, anal, groups or anything at all…as long as the hymen stays intact. Middle aged men who are generous will be given highest consideration!”

    or

    “Need faithful wife who will obey her husband. Must expect regular beatings…but not enjoy them…because that would be sick and perverted and a defiance of Christ’s will that expressly implies your submission and misery…not pleasure. Good carpentry skills for building protest signs against womens clinics a plus!”

    or best of all

    “Baptist minister seeks: …well…anything. Already done everything, hope you might have some new ideas I haven’t tried yet. Guaranteed fun! Very experienced!”

    • Calypso_1

      Dear Baptist minister,
           I like drowning games, when is your next baptism sunday? 

  • Anonymous

    Dear Baptist minister,
         I like drowning games, when is your next baptism sunday? 

  • Dan

    “Andrew and I are now engaged.”

    And I bet you still don’t know what his penis looks like..

  • Dan

    “Andrew and I are now engaged.”

    And I bet you still don’t know what his penis looks like..

  • http://www.successful-christians.com/ eaglemustfly

    God is not your matchmaker. http://bit.ly/yXAaAI

  • http://www.successful-christians.com/ eaglemustfly

    God is not your matchmaker. http://bit.ly/yXAaAI

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