The Future Of Personal Identification: Buttock Scanners?

buttApparently everyone has a unique “buttprint”. In the future, the driver’s seat of your car or your spot on the train may be reserved for a butt that the scanner recognizes. Via Yahoo!:

Put your fingerprint scanners away. Stand aside iris measurers. Buttocks are the new way to prove who you are.

A team of Japanese scientists claim their pressure sensor sheet can accurately identify an individual’s backside and when placed on a driver’s seat could be used as a last line of defence to stop someone else driving away your motor.

“The sheet has 360 sensors, which collect data for 39 features to recognise a person, such as pressure patterns and the dimensions of the buttocks,” said Dr. Shigeomi Koshimizu, who led the research.

Koshimizu, an associate professor at Tokyo-based Advanced Institute of Industrial Technology, said his device is 98 percent accurate and far less onerous than conventional biometrics as it requires nothing more than someone to sit naturally.

17 Comments on "The Future Of Personal Identification: Buttock Scanners?"

  1. Anarchy Pony | Jan 18, 2012 at 3:31 pm |

    Can you say, What?

  2. EyeoftheAxis | Jan 18, 2012 at 4:08 pm |

    It’s the scratch and sniff 3000. Sniffing out the most unique buttprints so you don’t have to.
    — I told her I loved her but it was her buttprint I was after, …that and a ride to Hot Springs.

  3. Calypso_1 | Jan 18, 2012 at 4:29 pm |

    “The recognition tends to be compromised by different clothes,” he said. “Sensors read different signals from a pair of trousers and a pair of jeans.”

    It’s probably compromised by a few trips to McDonald’s as well.

  4.  It scans for skidmarks.

  5. Those Japanese scientists are a bunch of smartasses.

  6. This is ridiculous.

  7. The only exception is for politicians,  they can put their face down there because their is virtually no difference between their face and ass print

  8. JustSayin | Jan 18, 2012 at 7:46 pm |

    Does there have to be a perverse element to everything Japanese technologists do? (Humanoid sex robots anyone?) Facial and retinal scans are nearly perfect methods of biometric recognition. For starting a car, a thumbprint scan would probably be most ideal. But NOOO, some (likely virgin) Japanese inventor decided biometrics of the ass is how he wants to spend his time. If you gain/lose weight, wear Spanx, have a wallet in your back pocket, sit with a different posture, wear bulky pants, have a shirt/coat that covers your butt- any of these factors would seem to affect this technology’s efficacy. Plus, who wants to drive around sitting on some hard, uncomfortable pressure scanner, probably having their ass and genitals irradiated every time they start their car? This idea was a non-starter from the beginning, but nonetheless it was started. Japan is a brilliant innovator of electronics mass production; but as far as actually innovating new inventions, they are sooooo far in la-la land it’s sad.

  9. ILoveButtPrints | Jan 18, 2012 at 8:01 pm |

    Mmmm her butt print looks so hot I need to lick it with the pants off..

  10. They seem to have a problem with making good music too. But yeah, they’re pretty fkn tough workers over there.

  11. Tyler Smith | Jan 26, 2012 at 2:12 am |

    It will never work in America.  Half our country wouldn’t even fit in that chair- let alone provide ANY sort of distinguishable features within the chaos of cottage cheese.

Comments are closed.