Can’t Pay Your Mortgage? Turn Your House Into An Ad

The latest manifestation of the broken housing market and the thousands of homeowners who can’t afford their mortgage payments is an eye-grabbing advertising scheme from marketing company Brainiacs From Mars. If you let them paint your house like this…


… they’ll pay you up to $2,000 a month. Here’s the deal:

We’re looking for houses to paint. In fact, paint is an understatement. We’re looking for homes to
turn into billboards. In exchange, we’ll pay your mortgage every month for as long as your house remains painted.

Here are a few things we’re looking for. You must own your home. It cannot be rented or leased. We’ll paint the entire outside of the house, minus the roof, the windows and any awnings. Painting will take approximately 3 – 5 days. Your house must remain painted for at least one month and may be extended up to a year. If, for any reason, you decide to cancel after one month or if we cancel the agreement with you, we’ll repaint your house back to the original colors.

If you’re prepared to splash ads on your home just submit the application form below. You can post home photos on our Facebook page. For areas where ads aren’t permitted but painting is, no problem. If you can deal with bright colors and some aliens in your window then submit away.


Majestic is gadfly emeritus.

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19 Comments on "Can’t Pay Your Mortgage? Turn Your House Into An Ad"

  1. People likes to complaint about capitalism or corporocracy driving us towards doomsday (wich, if they were real christians, they should celebrate), but they don´t waste time offering real solutions to real problems, like the corporations do. While the left minded of this country protest against homelessnes and evictions, the corporate world has brought us the solution: sponsored houses. This is a real social CHANGE.

    • Mr Willow | Feb 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm |

      But is it CHANGE for the better when members of the public are reduced to whoring themselves out to the highest bidder?

      • Eric_D_Read | Feb 14, 2012 at 9:52 am |

        As much as I would enjoy seeing every hedge fund manager, Wall street exec, advertising bigwig, and corporate lawyer hung by their accountant’s entrails; when have members of the public not been in the situation of whoring themselves to the highest bidder?

      • I don´t know, you confuse me with all your questions and my english is obvusly insulting; i only know i want goddamn CHANGE.

    • Anarchy Pony | Feb 13, 2012 at 9:49 pm |

      Is this like the most deadpan sarcastic act ever? Or are you really just insane?

    • Oh my, we have ourselves an Apocalyptic Christian among our ranks.

      Care to explain how “celebrating” “doomsday” is related to the worship of a merciful and loving god? Or did you charlatans mix up your deities, and now the horned fop with the pitchfork is who you worship?

      • Anarchy Pony | Feb 14, 2012 at 12:31 am |

        I’m not entirely convinced that he/she/it is serious, I have a nagging suspicion that it is some kind of performance art.

        • Quiet, lets see if he rages.

          • I wont yell at you only couse you´ve been in Irak, but you haven´t answered why you are not in Siria and Iran right now: those countrys need some CHANGE.

      • Mr Willow | Feb 14, 2012 at 12:43 am |

        See, that’s the thing that just seems wrong with the prophetic theology of Christianity. (not the only one, but one of the major ones)

        In context of the mythology, it makes sense, because ‘doomsday’ has to occur before Jesus comes back, at which point he sets up a kingdom on Earth, ensuring peace (*yay*) but when you think about it, even in the context of the mythology, it’s just so horrific that it should cause a mass evacuation from the religion. (*aw*)

        Because, in order for the good to come about, it requires the mass genocide of the tribulation period—clearing out the rubbish that are the sinners, cause Jesus doesn’t want to get his feet dirty, I suppose—which should cause everyone within the faith, as it were, to take a major double-take at the theoretical mindsets, if you will, of the concepts they all devote themselves to. 

        It is almost agreeable when you consider the alternative—namely, burning for a thousand years in a lake of fire—but that is all made meaningless when considering two things, again in context of the mythology. 

        1) According to the mythology, after a thousand years’ time Satan and his minions and the sinners are let loose out of Hell (why?), gather his army, fight against the Kingdom of God, and be defeated (all preördained), and 2) in the apocryphal Apocalypse of Peter, it says that in the end, after everything, those in Heaven will save those in Hell, because they’ll see the suffering and take pity, and ask Jesus to save them, and he will, completely negating all the death and destruction beforehand. ( 

        It’s maddening. . .

        • Enlightening. Thank you for writing that.

          I must say you have a far more intelligent argument on the matter than I ever will.

        • Ok, but you sound too smart to beleive what you just said. I have heard of devil´s attorney, but i never thought the devil could come as a christian´s attorney.

      • Ha, ha: God is not really mercifull. That is what he wants you, light faithed people, to beleive, so when the rapture comes you will be left behind with your subtle satanism.

    •  What right does a neighbour have to devalue your property by turning theirs into a billboard. Do you know the price difference between ugly neighbourhoods and attractive neighbourhoods.
      Do you seriously think they could pay the mortgage of every home in the country and who would they be advertising too when everyone is paid to advertise.
      Fortunately in my local district said advertising, turning houses into billboards is illegal, with actual laws limited sizing of sign age in residential areas.

  2. Mr Willow | Feb 13, 2012 at 4:11 pm |

    Yep. And next they’ll offer to pay for all your utilities if you wear clothing emblazoned with their logos, or provide you with a car if you get their company name tattooed across your forehead.

    That’s all we turn out to be in the end: property to be branded.

  3. The guy who lives in that house has people walking across his lawn to poke his Facebook and Twitter signs like twelve times a day. 

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