A Christian Horror Movie About Porn

The trailer for the new independent feature film Harmless perfectly encapsulates the conservative Christian outlook on sexuality. Watch as a dad’s struggle of willpower with his cardboard box of porn unleashes demonic torment on his family:

49 Comments on "A Christian Horror Movie About Porn"

  1. Illuminate | May 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm |

    Is this really news, this doesn’t seem new. I wanna hear about how the religious right is genetically modifying monkeys to attack all infidels.

    • Anarchy Pony | May 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm |

      That would be awesome.

      • Jin The Ninja | May 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm |

         that means, both of us (and perhaps 75-85% of the disinfo crowd) would have rabid zombie-simians on our doors….kinda like mormons now that i think about it….

        • Anarchy Pony | May 3, 2012 at 3:41 pm |

          That’s why I am well schooled in the use of fireplace pokers.
          If I’ve learned anything from Ezio Auditore, it’s that maces, hammers and axes are just as graceful and elegant as swords, they just move a little slower, and hit a lot harder.

          • Jin The Ninja | May 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm |

            according to the zombie survival guide, maces, and hammers are much more preferable to swords anyway. i mean, yes, of course j-films like machine girl or onichanbara make decapitation look fun and easy, but it’s hard work to cut through bone. i’d rather a good clean (maybe not ‘clean’) blow to the head with a bluntish instrument to disable the brain. you’re assured of some very good dps even with a glancing blow.

          • Anarchy Pony | May 3, 2012 at 6:53 pm |

            For zombie melee a good sturdy hammer is always effective.

          • Jin The Ninja | May 4, 2012 at 1:18 pm |

            it’s those demon lords that give the most trouble…

          • lol, i would love to know how you calculate dps in realworld situations

          • John Myers | May 3, 2012 at 11:04 pm |

             Dual wielded heavy picks all the way. 4X crit!
            Conservatives in general are pissed off that they ever were cursed with puberty. This ‘simpler time’ they’re yearning for is a time before they were stricken with dirty rotten filthy vile evil lust.
            Without lust we never would have made it this far as a species, but don’t tell them that.

          •  Well, that and having to move out of Mom’s basement to get a real… wait they never did seem to pull together the real job thing, being that they went for the low-hanging fruit of christian x, where x can stand for any art form, as christian x will always sell, no matter how crappy it is because its a niche audience with few alternatives, loads of money, and a will to buy anything that promotes their ridiculous (I’d say outdated if ancient christians hadn’t been so much better educated than these tards) beliefs.

          • Jin The Ninja | May 4, 2012 at 1:21 pm |

            well i can say that if a zombie doesn’t have his/her brain splattered (and/or head removed) after a strike or few, i’ll take the noob walk o shame.

    • Calypso_1 | May 3, 2012 at 3:39 pm |

      It’s worse than you think. Scorpion-tailed spider monkeys. 

  2. Liam_McGonagle | May 3, 2012 at 2:15 pm |

    I love it!  “Harmless” is the perfect title for this movie!

  3. Burningflesh | May 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm |

    That looks like a cheap ripoff of movies like Paranormal Activity and the Blair Witch Project. Stupid and unoriginal, just like everything Christian.

    • Anti-Crowley | May 7, 2012 at 9:32 am |

       I too find that the best way to judge the truth of a claim is based solely on how original it is.  As a matter of fact, the laws of thermodynamics are getting a bit dusty and unoriginal, perhaps it is time for us to start declaring them ridiculous.

      • DeepCough | May 7, 2012 at 1:14 pm |

        Am I to understand that you honestly think that bad things will happen to you because
        of a smut rag?

        • Anti-Crowley | May 8, 2012 at 8:00 am |

           If you consider the objectification of women and increased stimuli needed as one becomes desensitized to porn, leading to gradual and more severe sexual deviation,  a bad thing then yes.

          • DeepCough | May 10, 2012 at 3:33 am |

            Well, that’s quite interesting, at least, it would be if it had any real basis in fact–which it certainly does not.

          •  And you know? You do not know.

          •  Playboy leads to sex murders. Eventually. Even in the mind it’s still murder.

          • Your last sentence is interesting.  Can you elucidate?

          • ron-onymous | Aug 15, 2012 at 9:03 am |

            Increased stimuli needed? Gradual and more severe sexual deviation? Whew, I don’t consider either of these things bad!

            As far as objectification of women is concerned: consider how you, as a man, would feel about being treated as a sex object by women. My guess is you’d feel pretty good about it.

    •  You have no idea what you are talking about.

  4. Azathoth | May 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm |

    I’d hit that.

  5. Johnnyutah | May 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm |

    I can really relate to this. I remember when my family was destroyed because I was masturbating to old VHS porn in an ice house by a haunted graveyard. 

  6. SatiricalFilmsAreAwesome | May 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm |

     Looks hilarious. I predict 5 star ratings across the board.

  7. StillAtMyMoms | May 3, 2012 at 5:59 pm |

    Wow, if they believe porn is a big sin, then fuck, I’m Satan himself in that department…

  8. the horror…the horror!

  9. Thomastovey1964 | May 3, 2012 at 8:43 pm |

    Maybe they should make a movie about all the horrors Conservative Christians have unleashed in our modern world. That’s a movie that would scare the shit out of anyone!!!   I literally laughed at this trailer. Tell this is just a joke, or are the CC’s that diluted..!!

  10. If the premise of this movie is sound, Ghost Hunters better never drop by my place…

  11.  once the social buildup is there it is either you like porn or you’re a christian

  12. Calypso_1 | May 3, 2012 at 10:41 pm |

    So if there is transgender porn in the box is the demon an incubus or succubus?

    • Liam_McGonagle | May 4, 2012 at 11:55 am |

      Riffing off the general lack of true moral engagement with conservative types, I propose a gender neutral option:  The Romnibus.

    • by transgender porn i presume you mean trans women. so, succubus. because they’re women.

      • Jin The Ninja | May 4, 2012 at 10:44 pm |

        demons probably don’t adhere to binary gender. i don’t even know why we do.

      • A female demon, whatever the hell that is, is a succuba or incuba.  A male one is is succubus or incubus.  I know one who lives across the street from God, right next door to the Easter Bunny and two doors down from the Tooth Fairy…

  13. DeepCough | May 4, 2012 at 1:18 am |

    Such idiocy. I mean, c’mon, Jesus isn’t watching you masturbate. The NSA on the other hand……

  14. sirius fnord | May 4, 2012 at 3:03 am |

    A Christian film about the dangers of porn and sex. Is this a self help film for your sexually abusive priests

  15. Wait a second, how do they go from porn addiction to a ghost appearing in a graveyard? This makes no sense at all.

  16. Joshdwoj | May 4, 2012 at 7:35 pm |

    Makes me wanna watch creepy porn

  17. Christians: providing the world with some of the finest comedy goldmines for nearly 2000 years.

    Gotta admit…I lawled.

  18. Who has a box full of porn in 2012? Filled with what? VHS tapes?

  19. You can say what you want. Become addicted to porn and then come back to us.

Comments are closed.