How To Stay Off Obama’s ‘Kill List’

Disturbed by the Obama administration’s non-hesitation to assassinate U.S. citizens without due process? Free yourself from stress, just apply to be added to the official “Do Not Kill” list. Naked Capitalism on a fresh petition:

The New York Times reports that President Obama has created an official “kill list” that he uses to personally order the assassination of American citizens. Considering that the government already has a “Do Not Call” list and a “No Fly” list, we hereby request that the White House create a “Do Not Kill” list in which American citizens can sign up to avoid being put on the president’s “kill list” and therefore avoid being executed without indictment, judge, jury, trial or due process of law.

Total signatures so far: 4213 of 25,000 needed to get the White House to respond. Not bad, since one must have a account to sign the petition.

Read More: Naked Capitalism

  • Chaorder Gradient

    here i thought citizenship got you on the do-not-kill list

    • Liam_McGonagle

      Yeah, Al Awlaki probably thought that, too.  Go figure.

  • Marcel Marcel


    • Andrew

      You know that signing the petition will get you sent to one of those FEMA concentration camps once martial law is declared.

      • Marcel Marcel

        I’m in a FEMA concentration camp right now. They have a Kinko’s branch here – I logged on from their internet to sign it. 

  • emperorreagan

    How to stay off Obama’s kill list:

    1. Don’t be brown.
    2. Don’t be Muslim
    3. Don’t be poor.

    Meeting all three conditions can guarantee your safety.

    Meeting conditions 2 or 1 & 2 will guarantee the government won’t kill you directly – they’ll continue to avoid implementing effective anti-poverty initiatives and kill you through neglect.

    All others, please stand by.

    • Liam_McGonagle

      Scoff if you must, but you have to admit that wielding final approval over a kill list is an amazingly effective fund raising tool.

  • Pb

    Relax.  You’ll be fine just so long as you don’t do anything that vaguely resembles terrorism.

    • Mr Willow

      That might not be that easy considering the definition of ‘terrorism’ seems to change from week to week. 

      • Pb

        Hence my qualifying “vaguely resembles”.

  • Threedinium

    Is this no shit for real? Is this really happening to you in the US? It can be difficult to tell because I don’t live there but if this is really happening to you guys I feel fucking terrible, is there nothing that can be done? I mean who the fuck among you actually wants this? How can leaders weild such flagrant awful power? Shit I don’t live there and I’m fucking angry!