Muppet Theory

Are you a a Chaos Muppet or an Order Muppet? Dahlia Lithwick explains how all humans fit into one or the other category, at Slate:

Every once in a while, an idea comes along that changes the way we all look at ourselves forever. Before Descartes, nobody knew they were thinking. They all believed they were just mulling. Until Karl Marx, everyone totally hated one another but nobody knew quite why. And before Freud, nobody understood that all of humanity could be classified into one of two simple types: people who don’t yet know they want to sleep with their mothers, and people who already know they want to sleep with their mothers. These dialectics can change and shape who we are so profoundly, it’s hard to imagine life before the paradigm at all.

The same thing is true of Muppet Theory, a little-known, poorly understood philosophy that holds that every living human can be classified according to one simple metric: Every one of us is either a Chaos Muppet or an Order Muppet.
Chaos Muppets are out-of-control, emotional, volatile. They tend toward the blue and fuzzy. They make their way through life in a swirling maelstrom of food crumbs, small flaming objects, and the letter C. Cookie Monster, Ernie, Grover, Gonzo, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and—paradigmatically—Animal, are all Chaos Muppets. Zelda Fitzgerald was a Chaos Muppet. So, I must tell you, is Justice Stephen Breyer.

Order Muppets—and I’m thinking about Bert, Scooter, Sam the Eagle, Kermit the Frog, and the blue guy who is perennially harassed by Grover at restaurants (the Order Muppet Everyman)—tend to be neurotic, highly regimented, averse to surprises and may sport monstrously large eyebrows…

[continues at Slate]


Majestic is gadfly emeritus.

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6 Comments on "Muppet Theory"

  1. DeepCough | Jun 10, 2012 at 2:02 pm |

    Behold, ANIMAL! The True Prophet of Chaos and Anarchy!

  2. Alan Morse Davies | Jun 10, 2012 at 3:52 pm |

    I take this as a Invisible Pink Unicorn approach to A/B memes, like winner/loser.  If this is not the case, arse.

  3.  Terrible theory. This is the product of black and white thinking. Everyone is either neurotic or out of control? I don’t think so.

  4. Liam_McGonagle | Jun 11, 2012 at 8:41 pm |

    Zoom in for a real close look at Pat Nixon’s eyes:  all dialated and bloodshot.  I’m pretty sure she’s coming on to Big Bird, too.  She probably plucked that feather from his/her/it’s *ss.

    Keep in mind this picture was taken at the never-wracking height of the Watergate scandal when it looked (to the piker) like Tricky Dick might be castrated and Pat and the girls burnt alive at the stake.  She’s clearly ripped out of her mind on a cocktail of Ebogaine and vodka.

    • Calypso_1 | Jun 11, 2012 at 10:23 pm |

      I have an unfortunate feeling that ten years from now I’ll have a very bizarre dream involving first ladies, Muppets, & entheogen spiked stolichnaya…thx Liam

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