Chick-Fil-A Sock-Puppet Theater

Here’s a short primer on how to tank your national image in the eyes of the only people left who like you.

  1. Be bigoted and vocal about how it’s just good Christian values.
  2. Lose customers and valuable promotional partnerships because of it.
  3. Hire PR firm for damage control to create fake “Christian” teenagers on Facebook to lie and verbally abuse detractors.
    Chick-Fil-A: sock-puppet busted
  4. That should about do it.

Thanks for your attention.

Laszlo Xalieri

Laszlo Xalieri is a consulting analyst with specialties in science, feasibilty, and technology and an author of novels, short stories, and essays. He currently works and lives in Manhattan -- not too far from competing boutiques that sell live chickens. He is easily findable on most of the social networks and has most recently started up a new project at the Journal of American Hoodoo.

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31 Comments on "Chick-Fil-A Sock-Puppet Theater"

  1. “Come children, let us shut up the box and the puppets, for our play is played out.”
    –William Makepeace Thackeray

  2. angelsinca | Jul 26, 2012 at 10:51 am |

    1. Report on vocalization of christian morals by fast food CEO
    2. Misinterpret as stance against gays.
    3. Threaten company, boycott product, shout down non gays
    4. Wonder why people don’t embrace your sexuality.

    there, that should about do it.  

  3. angelsinca | Jul 26, 2012 at 10:51 am |

    1. Report on vocalization of christian morals by fast food CEO
    2. Misinterpret as stance against gays.
    3. Threaten company, boycott product, shout down non gays
    4. Wonder why people don’t embrace your sexuality.

    there, that should about do it.  

  4. Lying for Jesus, a long x-tian tradition.

  5. Damn, I wish i didn’t love chick-fil-a sandwiches. I would boycott but they are too fuckin good

  6. Mmmmmchicken | Jul 26, 2012 at 2:49 pm |

    When I eat the chicken I do not taste the bigotry. So I could care less what the CEO or the company thinks. If I was standing in line holding the hand of a person that is the same sex and they refused to serve me or acted differently toward me. Then I might take a different stance on the issue. 

    • The CEO can talk all day long about the gender hang-ups instilled in him by whichever denonination of the Church of Churchian Churchology he affiliates with.  It wouldn’t impact whether I patronize his privately owned corporation, at all. 

      When that company involves itself in politics and donates money made with the sale of chicken sandwiches and waffle fries to political campaigns, as Chik-Fil-A does when marriage equality comes up in state public referenda in California and elsewhere, that company forfeits my shopping dollar.  There isn’t a chicken sandwich delicious enough to convince me to subsidize the fight against love and liberty with my purchases.

      And Chik-Fil-A is well within its own rights to become politically active and choose a side; the joke is that the company now wants to be treated as if it hadn’t.

  7. lifobryan | Jul 26, 2012 at 3:24 pm |

    I agree with Chick-Fil-A, let’s keep marriage Biblical:

    1 man + 1 woman + 1 woman + 1 woman + concubines

  8. It’s strange to see all the ‘if it doesn’t effect me then I don’t care so STFU’ opinions.

    In a modern society you have no strength as an individual, you have to act as a group. To do this you have to join forces with other groups to become big enough to have an effect. You have to fight for the rights of others so they will fight for yours otherwise there is no society, no community & just a giant corporation-like entity  that owns you.

    • It is especially strange to see those “enh, not my concern, eatin’ it ennyway” opinions all over the place — particularly on public posts on Facebook where the owners of a post receiving comments can tell if the commenters have any friends in common, and they don’t. I’m in a place to compare notes with a few of those people, but it’s easy enough to see who may or may not be another sock puppet, but certainly a shill (volunteer or paid), trying to “counter” an “attack”. There are lovely tools for analyzing social network links now, especially if you have a paid/advertiser account. They’re especially fun if you think fishing for paid/hardcore-hobbyist trolls is a rewarding pastime.

  9. The Baffler | Jul 26, 2012 at 8:05 pm |

    I’d boycott them too, but the closest location is 300 miles away. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen a Chick-fil-a.

    • Anarchy Pony | Jul 27, 2012 at 2:16 am |

      Same. I think it may even be farther than that for me. Oh well, I’ll boycott them in spirit.

  10. ‘Chick-fil-A’ ‘Sock-puppets’ mmmmmh interesting.

  11. kurisushiro | Jul 29, 2012 at 2:37 pm |

    I’ve already decided that if they move to Michigan, that I will continue to patronize KFC instead of them.

Comments are closed.