Chick-Fil-A Sock-Puppet Theater

Here’s a short primer on how to tank your national image in the eyes of the only people left who like you.

  1. Be bigoted and vocal about how it’s just good Christian values.
  2. Lose customers and valuable promotional partnerships because of it.
  3. Hire PR firm for damage control to create fake “Christian” teenagers on Facebook to lie and verbally abuse detractors.
    Chick-Fil-A: sock-puppet busted
  4. That should about do it.

Thanks for your attention.

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  • http://twitter.com/jasonpaulhayes jasonpaulhayes

    “Come children, let us shut up the box and the puppets, for our play is played out.”
    –William Makepeace Thackeray

  • angelsinca

    1. Report on vocalization of christian morals by fast food CEO
    2. Misinterpret as stance against gays.
    3. Threaten company, boycott product, shout down non gays
    4. Wonder why people don’t embrace your sexuality.

    there, that should about do it.  

  • angelsinca

    1. Report on vocalization of christian morals by fast food CEO
    2. Misinterpret as stance against gays.
    3. Threaten company, boycott product, shout down non gays
    4. Wonder why people don’t embrace your sexuality.

    there, that should about do it.  

    • http://twitter.com/mattstaggs Matt Staggs

      Abby Farle, is that you?

      • http://twitter.com/jasonpaulhayes jasonpaulhayes

        I though I was the only one, you took the words from my mouth (keyboard).

        • http://twitter.com/mattstaggs Matt Staggs

          Hey Jason, I was surprised I beat anyone to it.

    • http://twitter.com/mattstaggs Matt Staggs

      Abby Farle, is that you?

    • http://xal.li/eri Laszlo Xalieri

      …and that explains the sock puppet?

    • Thorax99

      1. Shut the fuck up.
      2. Eat a chicken sandwich.

    • Linsang811

      1.) Christian morals are bullshit. “Gay’s are evil!” while ignoring any nearby passages that they happen to not like. Shellfish anyone?
      2.) There was nothing to misinterpret, the CEO was EXTREMELY clear on his stance against gay rights.
      3.) It’s called capitalism and free speech, bitch.
      4.) We’re not asking people to “embrace out sexuality,” we’re asking to be treated like normal human beings. We’re asking not to be singled out for who we are. We’re asking for history to stop repeating itself so we can STFU about this stupid bullshit and move forward as a society.

    • http://twitter.com/mattstaggs Matt Staggs
      • Monkey See Monkey Do

        I feel bad for the kids :(

      • Calypso_1

        She’s most certainly not living by bread alone.

      • lifobryan

        “For if thou shalt accept the Lord Jesus into thine heart, He will bring thee panicky hysteria and bug-eyed fear for all the days of thy life, in His mercy.”
        ~ From Saint Paranoid’s Epistle to the Deranged 

    • Anarchy Pony

      So wait… Did this sock puppet come all the way out here to whine at us? I feel special.

      • http://xal.li/eri Laszlo Xalieri

        There’s no evidence to prove that, of course. But response was swift, glib, and slightly off-topic. Draw your own conclusions.

        • http://twitter.com/mattstaggs Matt Staggs

          Check her post history. Lots of stuff to Fox News and evangelical Christian websites. Probably just someone tracking the story. I got a suspiciously fundamentalist Christian-sounding email yesterday, too. Wondering if they’re connected.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7L7TC42A7F5GCGGQXPATUCNUGA Mark

    Lying for Jesus, a long x-tian tradition.

  • Guest

    Damn, I wish i didn’t love chick-fil-a sandwiches. I would boycott but they are too fuckin good

    • Andrew

      Don’t let your tongue rule your heart and your head.

  • Mmmmmchicken

    When I eat the chicken I do not taste the bigotry. So I could care less what the CEO or the company thinks. If I was standing in line holding the hand of a person that is the same sex and they refused to serve me or acted differently toward me. Then I might take a different stance on the issue. 

    • Rheokhu

      The CEO can talk all day long about the gender hang-ups instilled in him by whichever denonination of the Church of Churchian Churchology he affiliates with.  It wouldn’t impact whether I patronize his privately owned corporation, at all. 

      When that company involves itself in politics and donates money made with the sale of chicken sandwiches and waffle fries to political campaigns, as Chik-Fil-A does when marriage equality comes up in state public referenda in California and elsewhere, that company forfeits my shopping dollar.  There isn’t a chicken sandwich delicious enough to convince me to subsidize the fight against love and liberty with my purchases.

      And Chik-Fil-A is well within its own rights to become politically active and choose a side; the joke is that the company now wants to be treated as if it hadn’t.

  • lifobryan

    I agree with Chick-Fil-A, let’s keep marriage Biblical:

    1 man + 1 woman + 1 woman + 1 woman + concubines

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=647058614 Will Coles

    It’s strange to see all the ‘if it doesn’t effect me then I don’t care so STFU’ opinions.

    In a modern society you have no strength as an individual, you have to act as a group. To do this you have to join forces with other groups to become big enough to have an effect. You have to fight for the rights of others so they will fight for yours otherwise there is no society, no community & just a giant corporation-like entity  that owns you.

    • http://xal.li/eri Laszlo Xalieri

      It is especially strange to see those “enh, not my concern, eatin’ it ennyway” opinions all over the place — particularly on public posts on Facebook where the owners of a post receiving comments can tell if the commenters have any friends in common, and they don’t. I’m in a place to compare notes with a few of those people, but it’s easy enough to see who may or may not be another sock puppet, but certainly a shill (volunteer or paid), trying to “counter” an “attack”. There are lovely tools for analyzing social network links now, especially if you have a paid/advertiser account. They’re especially fun if you think fishing for paid/hardcore-hobbyist trolls is a rewarding pastime.

      • The Baffler

        Hobbyist trolls?

        • http://xal.li/eri Laszlo Xalieri

          Yeah, I know. It doesn’t sound likely. But they can’t all do it for money. I suspect some enjoy it.

  • The Baffler

    I’d boycott them too, but the closest location is 300 miles away. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen a Chick-fil-a.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Same. I think it may even be farther than that for me. Oh well, I’ll boycott them in spirit.

  • JaceD

    ‘Chick-fil-A’ ‘Sock-puppets’ mmmmmh interesting.

  • kurisushiro

    I’ve already decided that if they move to Michigan, that I will continue to patronize KFC instead of them.