R.I.P. Neil Armstrong, 1930-2012

Astronaut Neil Armstrong has died today, the result of complications from a cardiac procedure. He was 82. Rest in Peace.


It was a typical day in junior physics class at Point Cordial High when things took a turn... to the atypical! Mild-mannered Breshvic's seething distaste of physics broke through its last tensile straw as the very fabric of spacetime holding him in place tore like the flimsy wet blouse of an amateur porn artist! Young Breshvic found himself disembodied, floating wildly in a place with no shape or form, but more directions than previously revealed to him, and not easily explained in this format! Had he gone to that ethereal void of wraiths and gods? Had he crossed over to the land of dead? HAD HE GONE UTTERLY MAD? Had he simply fallen asleep during another lecture? NO! It was in this astral plane between reality and dream, nexus of dimension, the OMNIVERSE, that he first learned to use his powers, clawing madly to survive against nightmarish demons and malevolent cosmic shadows!
  • Anarchy Pony

    To be perfectly honest, I thought he was already dead…

  • Nunzio X

    I tried to imagine being Neil Armstrong…

    …at night, coming home from dinner, or maybe taking the trash out, or whatever, and then maybe catching a glimpse of the moon in the night sky.

    And saying to himself as he stared at it for a few seconds: “Huh. Wow…”

    What a feeling that must have been for him.

    • Mr Kibblesworth

       he wondered “huh. wow. Stanley Kubrick did a good job.

  • mole_face

    “Complications from a cardiac procedure” my ASS!! Obviously the Illuminati is gradually killing off everyone who participated in the moon landing hoax. Considering Neil Armstrong’s access to the elite’s secret life extension technology, he should’ve lived at least another decade or two.

    • Andrew


    • mole_face

      Come to think of it, my satire here is still probably a little too subtle for a website rife with Alex Jones cultists.

      • MoralDrift

        …thats not really true….i’d say there is a broad group of posters here

      • Calypso_1

        Would you mind calling yourself subtle again? – quite droll.

        • mole_face

          That was the joke – that my blatantly satirical comment was still too subtle for a website that’s crawling with ultra-credulous Jonestown douchebags. Whatever.

          • mole_face

             Explaining the joke = internet humor fail.

          • Anarchy Pony

            Obvious troll was obvious from first comment. It wasn’t very amusing, so no one cared.

          • Toddderning

            i thought it was amusing.
            what have you brought to the table asshole?

          • Anarchy Pony

            What’re you fucking new here? 

          • Calypso_1

            Would you like to buy a monkey?

          • Andrew

            Now now, we’re only credulous about things that support our own pet biases.  Everything else we’re completely closed-minded about.

          • http://hormeticminds.blogspot.com/ Chaorder Gradient

            Hey it makes the place interesting, You can just assume everyone is wrong, and if you include yourself in that, you’re probably closer to the truth (But then you enter the Void; noone wants to be in the Void)

      • DeepCough



        • Anarchy Pony


      • Anarchy Pony

        And, FYI, infowartards are all busy on infowars. 

    • Oh Hello Rabbit Hole

      Unless… he is still alive… 

  • CosmicAmazing

    I wonder if he told any secrets before he passed…