Did Jesus Flee To Japan And Become A Rice Farmer?

This monumental twist seems as plausible and satisfactory of a possible end to Jesus’s life as any. The BBC investigates:

A Japanese legend claims that Jesus escaped Jerusalem and made his way to Aomori in Japan where he became a rice farmer. Christians say the story is nonsense. However, a monument there known as the Grave of Christ attracts curious visitors from all over the world.

To reach the Grave of Christ or Kristo no Hakka as it is known locally, you need to head deep into the northern countryside of Japan, a place of paddy fields and apple orchards. The story goes that after escaping Jerusalem, Jesus made his way across Russia and Siberia to Aomori in the far north of Japan where he became a rice farmer, married, had a family and died peacefully at the age of 114.

Halfway up a remote mountain surrounded by a thicket of bamboo lies a mound of bare earth marked with a large wooden cross. According to the local legend, Jesus did not die at Calvary. His place was taken by one of his brothers, who for some reason is now buried by his side in Japan.

Tthe legend of Jesus the rice farmer does not stretch back very far. It only began in the 1930s with the discovery of what were claimed to be ancient Hebrew documents detailing Jesus’ life and death in Japan. Those documents have now mysteriously disappeared and the grave has never been excavated.

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  • Honu

    Jesus travelled to my neighborhood where he turned trees into log cabins and buried tablets made of hosenfeffer plate with a language only I could understand that said everyone should milk goats in tribute and mix a specialty prepared drink of water, lobster and dirt.  Imbibe it slowly for 10 seconds then pour the rest reverentially on your pet cat (which you all must own according to the lord Jesus) while singing Pla-ka-Pla-da na na na na ra ma sa fa la la la la la la.  Ten times please so as not to prevent the giant Ape-Frog Basutra the Terrible who would appear via a stargate.  Jesus, he told me this. 

    • kowalityjesus

       I wish I could dislike comments on this website, because all of the preceding moronic comments would have won my vote. 

      I was just reading about a similar Japanese phenomenon revolving around Copernican theory:

      In Nagasaki, Dutch merchants in place of Jesuit missionaries were advance agents of Western science.  Although Copernican ideas reached Japan late, when they did arrive they met less obstinate resistance than they had in Europe, for in the early nineteenth century the prestige of Western science gave the doctrine special appeal.
      …Before long the Japanese honored the Copernican theory by claiming it as their very own invention.  Several scientists professed to have discovered the theory earlier and quite independent of Europe.  Traditional Japanese scholars began to explain that…Copernicanism had been their orthodox faith all along.
      -The Discoverers, Daniel J Boorstin p336

      All us Christians are flattered, Japan.  Thanks!

    • Expensive Thoughts

      Fuck cats! Jesus was a dog guy, 100%. Shame on you for spreading this blasphemy. 

  • BrainofJFK

    Of course its non-sense! Jesus wouldnt waste his time with anything other than his fellow honkies! This story is non sense just like that jibba jabba about him being black. Jesus couldnt be anything other than white! i know this is true cause experts from the the Dark Ages said so!

  • Behonest

    I love how every one is like this isn’t true, jesus would not do that… Like any of us actually know what he did.

  • DeepCough

    This is preposterous: with the wounds Jesus suffered, he barely made it to India.

    • Nunzio X

      If Jesus had been but an ordinary mortal, perhaps what you say would be true.

      But his kung-fu was strong…perhaps the strongest in all the land.

      He made it all the way to Bhutan, where his National Happiness was Gross.

      He settled down, had a couple of kids (“And they never call their father, the ingrates! To think I put them through medical school! My bigshot kids, the doctors…oy gevalt.”), renounced Him-ianity for Dudeism, and only then did he begin to abide.

      Amen.

      (This reading from the Book Of Nunzio, Chapter 23, Verse 23, is brought to you by The Pork Commission)

    • Miracles

      Kashmir, to be specific.  He was smuggled along with Mary Magdelene by the Essenes along the Silk Road.  

      • DeepCough

        Or he went to France, if you’re into the “Da Vinci Code.”

        • http://geauxghoti.livejournal.com/ GeauxGhoti

           That could explain all of the wonderful French wine, not to mention the invention of Champagne… He’s probably still living there now, doing the whole Parisian thing. I mean, he is immor(t)al, after all…

  • http://buzzcoastin.posterous.com BuzzCoastin

    oh palease, everyone knows Jesus died
    and then went to preach the gospel to the lost tribes in North America
    and then went Kolob or became Kolob
    that part’s not clear
    but the rest is as true as truth itself

  • believein1

    Historians throughout Jesus’ time, even Roman ones that had no reason to support his existence, have done so and also documented his death by crucifixion. Google it and educate yourself before forming any conclusions.

  • Blasphemy

    Since it is written that Jesus came back from the dead, it is inarguable that he was therefore a zombie. He probably wandered the country side in search of brains until a group of college kids were able to devise a scheme to chain him up and bury him in the least likely spot on earth so that he would never bne found, which at that time was Japan. Its really not that complicated…

  • DeepCough

    No, I’m the Dude, man, Jesus was Lebowski.

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