Gays Get The Blame for Hurricane Isaac

According to this article in THE ADVOCATE, the American Family Association considers Hurricane Isaac to be yet another punishment from God aimed at homosexuals. In the article, Pastor John McTernan provides some fascinating numerological & etymological support for theory, noting that the name “Isaac” means “laughter” and it’s been 7 years since Katrina:

Defend & Proclaim the Faith’s Pastor John McTernan wrote Monday that the hurricane’s landfall and the scheduling of Southern Decadence is no coincidence. “Isaac, of course, is a biblical name meaning laughter,” he wrote. “The fact the events are seven years apart is very significant as this number is biblically important. It is the number of completion: God created the universe in seven days. The church, city and nation have not repented and the homosexual agenda is far worse than it was in 2005.”

Previous to Hurricane Isaac, others have shared the same sentiment. The Reverend Grant Storms, a veteran antigay activist who has railed against Southern Decadence, was recently convicted of indecent exposure for masturbating in public. And the Reverend John Hagee used a similar argument that Hurricane Katrina was provoked by Southern Decadence in 2005. He was forced to retract his remark after endorsing Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney.

To paraphrase Robert Anton Wilson, this angry God seems to have terrible aim when it comes to punishing his intended targets. This particular windy judgement seemed to harass Republicans and coastal fishing communities more than it did The Gays.

Read the full article here:


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37 Comments on "Gays Get The Blame for Hurricane Isaac"

  1. Anarchy Pony | Sep 2, 2012 at 2:33 pm |

    Their god does not seem to be very competent.

    • That depends on what you think he’s trying to accomplish.

      • Oh Hello | Sep 2, 2012 at 3:34 pm |

        He/She seems to like collective punishment.  Does seem rather inefficient.

      • Anarchy Pony | Sep 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm |

        I dunno, making his psycho flock do a better job of persecuting a minority group?

  2. How odd that the people who believe gays cause hurricanes don’t believe deforestation and air pollution can alter the climate.

  3. Calypso_1 | Sep 2, 2012 at 3:16 pm |

    How science tries to model the weather:
    Complex dynamic system models.
    Super computers, satellites, flying planes into storms.
    Thousands of monitoring stations.
    Secretarian misinterpretations of a cobbled together, folkloric, quasi-historical holy text.
    The # 7
    Fear of butt sex.

  4. agree, how can you believe its because of the gays there is a hurricane, but not give any weight to the fact that weather modification can and does happen.

  5. lifobryan | Sep 2, 2012 at 3:37 pm |

    God’s use of natural forces is actually fairly specific. He uses hurricanes and earthquakes to punish The Gays in coastal regions. But He seems to have nothing to do with all of the tornados in God-fearin’ Kansas & Oklahoma. 

    • Calypso_1 | Sep 2, 2012 at 3:48 pm |

      That’s god showing the Way to the Promised Land to his Chosen People…it’s in Exodus.

      • lifobryan | Sep 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm |

        Ture – I hadn’t considered that.

        But really, if Gays caused hurricanes, wouldn’t they be called “him-icanes?”

        Oh wait …. it’s all becoming clear now. They’re called “hurricanes” because the Lesbians are causing them!

    • Anarchy Pony | Sep 2, 2012 at 7:02 pm |

      Clearly those are devil work.

  6. Rex Vestri | Sep 2, 2012 at 5:26 pm |

    Hurricanes stem from hot, steamy man-action aboard gay Caribbean cruises. 

  7. DeepCough | Sep 2, 2012 at 6:53 pm |

    Poseidon just doesn’t get due credit like he used to.

  8. its punishment for being american.. god hates americans

  9. Christians are proof that god does not exist
    they also prove that human intelligence seems to have stagnated
    with the recent population increases

  10. Phillipede | Sep 3, 2012 at 2:47 am |

    What I want to know is, if hurricanes were sent to punish gays, then why do they keep hitting New Orleans? Wouldn’t it send a clearer message if they hit someplace like San Francisco?

    Maybe everyone has it wrong and God really just doesn’t like people who build cities below sea level. Maybe this is really God’s way of saying move your damn town a bit further inland. Or perhaps he hates jazz or creole cuisine. For an all powerful deity he sure has lousy communication skills.

  11. Jin The Ninja | Sep 3, 2012 at 11:34 am |

    ‘gay’ is code-word for a legion of  omega level mutants, some of whom possess atmo-kinesis and tempestuous temperaments.

  12. Cheftommyboy | Sep 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm |

    i peronally think it’s nature reacting to all the dumb-ass Christian Right-Wing Fundamentalists….a lot more of them then there are gays…they’re like a virus fucking up the general good of our planet.

  13. Haystack | Sep 3, 2012 at 4:06 pm |

    A hurricane disrupts the RNC and they infer that God is mad at gays? 

  14. I love that after God theoretically smites the ever loving fuck out of the reddest of red states with storms and righteous watery wrath…its the gays fault. If treating gay people like garbage gets a free pass from the Lord for bad weather…the American South should be safe as can be for those who want to keep building houses on flood plains.

    I’m left with only one of two possible answers. Either A) God has the shittiest aim of any omnipotent being ever…or B) what he really hates is inbred fucktards seething in hatred towards their fellow humans and using His name to excuse it all.

    • Matt Staggs | Sep 4, 2012 at 1:04 pm |

      I agree that it’s a ridiculous double-standard, and just about everyone who uses God as a justification for either their behavior or the actions of what appears to be an impersonal, mechanistic universe engages in it. That being said, describing everyone who lives south of the Mason-Dixon line as “inbred fucktards” isn’t very fair.

      • Jin The Ninja | Sep 4, 2012 at 3:52 pm |

        i must credit you matt, even though i don’t know you, you do seem pretty down with the ‘homies.’ 😉

      • In Michigan’s defense…and in keeping with that old GOP spirit…I’m going to blame my states woes on the Southern transplant workers that migrated to MI when jobs were aplenty. I’m deadly serious. Huge influxes of Southerners, drawling and drooling, waving their fail flag for ‘rebels’…if by rebel one assumes they meant great grandchildren of losers who couldn’t cope with being suckered by wealthy merchants to fight for a continuation of European style feudalism. The same herds of white supremacist BS followed with them. Especially north of detroit…where the white flight is most evident. The shiftless spawn of those southern migrants populate nearly every trailer park and jail we’ve ever built. I didn’t start my life as racist against white hicks…I became that way after living with them, enduring their kkk rallies, mini militias, poorly spelled toilet scrawled race war screeds and idiotic flags and slogans.

        God doesn’t hate all gays or all Jews or all blacks…because they didn’t murder his child. Who did? The people hanging around a court to see executions. Regardless of their race or creed…they had nowhere to be except loafing around cheering for peoples deaths…and they voted for their drinking buddy Barabbas to be released…and so Jesus wound up on the cross…because of unemployed rednecks and hicks of the ancient world. Ever since…God has smote them with fires, plagues, tornadoes and floods…smashing their trailers into kindling while leaving the gay bars nearby almost unharmed. The message has been clear. God hates hicks. As his followers…shouldn’t we follow his example?

        Personally…I think ‘God’ will stop punishing us if we abuse his hated enemies…hillbillies and rednecks…until they flee our states entirely in a giant meth fueled exodus. The end of rickets, head lice and shake and bake meth explosions! No more monster trucks shows, no more big time wrestling, no more greasy mullets, toothless grins and vacant stares. Farewell Deliverance…hello Paradise! Our promised land will not come until we have driven forth the unclean, the unrighteous, the unemployable…the rubes and bubbas that devour more federal dollars for incarceration costs or free benefits per person than all of the black people on welfare combined…all the while watching Fox and screaming that its the ‘ni##ers fault’. If only a Final Solution were drafted for dealing with this scourge of disease bearing, morally unfit, resource exhausting human cockroaches…I would happily be its Goebbels and cheer for their end.

        But alas…I’m also KIDDING…and using the classic rhetoric of the haters against them in exactly the way they employ it against millions of others…illustrating the point that the rhetoric of hate cuts two ways..with just the slightest adjustment it can be wielded against anyone and seem just as legit to the unwary. Also…you’re right about the floodplains…we have them…we use them mostly for crops…not subdivisions. Most of us get through the years with just the occasional wet basement…not total losses. We do have trouble here with tornadoes and heavy snow and ice…and lately…drought, but floods are fairly uncommon as far as causing real widespread harm. I just enjoy lampooning the bigots of the right and skewering them on the end of their own BS. Hell…if it worked for Voltaire…its good fun for me too. 😉

        • Matt Staggs | Sep 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm |

          Dude, I was laughing all the way through that! Cracked me up!!! Also, if I ever start a metal band it’s going to be called “Meth Fueled Exodus.”

          • Glad to provide some chuckles. A quarter of that rant was stitched from leftovers of my old stand up act which hasn’t seen use in years. I used to rail about why God hated rednecks for murdering his child…and therefore blasted trailers around the world. Apparently his unwritten 11th commandment was “Thou Shalt Not Permit Shitty Construction Or Weak Zoning Laws”. 😉

          • Calypso_1 | Sep 4, 2012 at 7:09 pm |

            I can see a firey ternader emerging from a mtn top meth lab spreadn dewey buzzrd dust upon the Chosen.

        • Calypso_1 | Sep 4, 2012 at 9:54 pm |

          If anything the plethora of native Michigan militias could teach the good ol’ boys a thing or two. Being both a Son of the South & a Yooper I’ve had chance to stumble across both.

    • lifobryan | Sep 4, 2012 at 3:10 pm |

      I would think it’s more a case of drunken tantrum. Since God actually resides in South Carolina (zipcode 29614), I think the other southern states just happen to be within flailing-arm’s reach whenever He goes on a bender.

  15. No, no. They’re wrong. God wasn’t aiming it at the gays! Stupid fucks. He was aiming hurricane Isaac at all the premarital, period-fornicators, sabbath workers, shellfish eaters, football players, and temple-hair trimmers! THOSE DAMNED, BLASPHEMOUS SINNERS DESERVE TO DIE!!!!

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