A Secret Look Inside Mormon Temple Rituals

Supposedly filmed via hidden camera, this footage of sacred, closed-to-the-public Mormon rituals — which come across as quite bizarre viewed from an outsider perspective — has been making waves. Prayers to the planet Kolob, horned oxen, baptism of the dead, golden curtains, secret handshakes, and everything else you might hope for are included:

16 Comments on "A Secret Look Inside Mormon Temple Rituals"

  1. Liam_McGonagle | Oct 23, 2012 at 12:05 pm |

    Golden curtains for golden showers. Chuck Berry would have loved going to Mormon services, if he hadn’t been born Black before 1978.

  2. If this manages to see mainstream TV you’ll be able to hear the sound of a million Republican die hards crapping themselves in unison.

    • A veritable symphony of loosened assholes, among a group of assholes known to be pretty tight.

  3. Do they smoke any weed beforehand?

    Because then, I think it would be fun, sort of.

  4. "Big" Richard Johnson | Oct 23, 2012 at 12:50 pm |

    Burning at the stake is too merciful a death for these witches.

  5. emperorreagan | Oct 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm |

    I didn’t realize that Mormonism ripped off Freemasonary so heavily for their rituals.

  6. Calypso_1 | Oct 23, 2012 at 2:33 pm |

    That was soooooooooooo incredibly LAME.

    The only antidote to something this lame is to listen to George Crumb’s
    Black Angels (13 images from the Dark Land), with head phones at full volume while lovingly caressing & self-flagellating with frayed 12V leads.



    • BrianApocalypse | Oct 23, 2012 at 4:41 pm |

      Watching the Mormon video with this music as a soundtrack has the potential to be quite terrifying.

      • Calypso_1 | Oct 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm |

        Oh God you’re right – I felt like vomiting by the time the golden cows appeared.

        Considering that the first time I heard this piece I entered into a state of near orgasmic trance (must have been the TLE), I have pleasant associations with it, so I fully blame the LDS.

        …it was also used in the Exorcist so perhaps we have discovered an occult window that unveils the works of the demon Moroni.

  7. BrianApocalypse | Oct 23, 2012 at 7:05 pm |

    The automated/recorded voice during the initiation reminds me of something…


    • Calypso_1 | Oct 23, 2012 at 9:13 pm |

      Yes, that they couldn’t have someone speak their liturgical ceremony
      and used the recording is kitschy at best…

      I guess when you are not allowed to drink coffee secret
      handshakes through a curtain is rather titillating.

      Anyone unfamiliar with Mormon prophecy & theology really
      ought to look at the World theocracy they seek through first ruling the US. That and the Oath of Blood Vengeance against
      the US
      government for the slaying of their prophet.

      Just imagine if a Moslem candidate where running for pres
      & had taken an oath against the US gov’t, people would be up in
      arms….wait, the Right has already played that card.

      • BrianApocalypse | Oct 24, 2012 at 7:30 am |

        Unfortunately, the right wing always seems much better at throwing juvenile and totally false temper tantrums (that are nonetheless effective) about these kinds of things. Fox news and churches all across the US like to throw around the totally unfounded notion that Obama is a Muslim (I personally think he’s an atheist pretending to be a Christian).

        Whenever the left get opportunities like this, they never seem to be able to whip up quite the same level of spoiled-brat throwing-toys-out-the-pram hysteria necessary to really instill the kind of batshit crazy, rabid hatred that the right so effortlessly displays.

  8. BuzzCoastin | Oct 23, 2012 at 7:25 pm |

    it’s only unfamiliar rituals that seem strange
    if they began their rituals with the Pledge of Allegiance, with hand over heart
    or stood while the US Flag was being raised or
    sang the National Anthem before they began
    it wouldn’t be a Mormon ritual
    it would be an American school classroom or a baseball field
    the military is even more ritualized

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