Over A Million Evangelicals Pledge To Vote For Jesus As Write-In Candidate For U.S. President

Could this really happen? Hordes of disgruntled born-again Christians may effectively throw away their votes by writing in Jesus Christ for president this November, in what will hopefully continue as trend in future elections. Alternet reports:

Candidate “A” is clearly a tool of Satan. But candidate “B” is a tool of Satan too and, if elected president, he’ll suspend the Constitution and implement a theocracy to be run by his satanically-inspired cult. Evangelist Bill Keller, founder of the Internet ministry liveprayer.com, [declares,] “CHRISTIANS MUST TAKE A STAND AND SAY “NO” TO SATAN THIS NOVEMBER!!! Vote for Jesus!”

Keller means it. His website Voting For Jesus claims to have received well over one million pledges from voters who say that they will, on November 6, 2012, cast their votes for the write-in candidacy of Jesus Christ for president of the United States.

More pledges flood in at the rate, during Eastern U.S. daytime hours at least, of almost 1,000 per hour. Keller’s army of Jesus write-in voters might top out at somewhere between 1.5 million and 2 million pledges – so the effort could, in theory at least, lock up roughly one percent of all eligible American voters.

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  • Jin The Ninja

    a socialist for president??!? YES!

  • Liam_McGonagle

    Okay, but if he doesn’t make an acceptance speech, will that FINALLY convince them that they’re on their own?

  • Randel

    Well I’m telling everyone I know to write in Satan when they vote, to offset this nonsense. How do you like that you carpenter loving meatheads.

  • emperorreagan

    Jesus is not a US citizen, even if he comes back. Sorry.

    • Liam_McGonagle

      But he might be an Israeli citizen, which trumps American citizenship.

      • emperorreagan

        Except Israelis don’t believe in him. He’s have to say he was Elijah, then he could start drawing red lines on cartoons and leading American presidents around on strings.

        • Liam_McGonagle

          Excellent point. That would put American Xians in a bit of a bind to find out that the Israeli high court refused Jesus’ citizenship application.

          • emperorreagan

            Or when the Mossad has him assassinated for sympathizing with the Palestinians?

          • Calypso_1

            Israel refuses Right of Return to Jesus of Nazareth. News at 11.

        • Liam_McGonagle

          Well, I think the standard rabbinical line on Jesus is that he was a very wise man, whose followers got a bit out of hand and ran off the g*ddamned end of the earth with his teachings. In other words, I think most Jews believe in the historical existence of Y’shua Bar Yoseph, but don’t think he was the son of God or did a lot of things Xian writers said he did 100 years after his death.

          • kowalityjesus

            well said

  • alizardx

    If this preacher invites you to go on a plane ride with him before the election, DON’T GO.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=773433966 Rus Archer

    great idea!

  • http://www.facebook.com/eric.fischer.73 Eric Fischer

    I’ve been wondering when this “Mormon problem” will turn up among the Jesus freaks.
    If it is a campaign tactic by the Obama team, well played.

    • kowalityjesus

      the general sense at least of Catholics is that the Mormons are really good people, chaste, kind, abstinent. The biggest problem I can see is that they don’t really give to the poor, they give to Mormons to proselytize for Mormonism, which is just not Christian.

      I will vote amongst the 3rd party candidates, probably Mr Johnson, because I am not in a battleground state and my vote would never matter anyway. I support those who will vote for Jesus though; thankfully the Christians are waking up to the tyranny of the “duopoly.”

      • http://www.facebook.com/eric.fischer.73 Eric Fischer

        That doesn’t surprise me. Catholics (in the U.S. at least, except for the actual clergy) tend to be far more moderate in their general political views than Evangelicals and Baptists, many of whom are downright rabid.

      • Roark

        That is not true.

        • kowalityjesus

          what is the antecedent for “that”?

  • Daniel Reasor

    It happens every time. I follow some blogs that track incidents of hate speech, so I see that photo of Keller pretty frequently. Every goddamn time, I think at first that I’m looking at a screen capture of an ’90′s Saturday Night Live sketch with the late, great Phil Hartman.

  • Roark

    God / Christ ’12!

  • DeepCough

    Hope these people are prepared for the fact Jesus was not a Caucasian white guy.

    http://www.popularmechanics.com/cm/popularmechanics/images/QA/face-of-jesus-01-0312-mdn.jpg

    • Vuse

      Genetically, DNA wise, there are only 3 races. Caucasian, Asian (oriental), and Black. All of us fall primarily into one of those.

  • BuzzCoastin

    it says something when even the slow witted fundies
    realize that a choice between the Moron & the Mystery Man
    isn’t really a choice at all

    I hope Jesus wins

  • Anarchy Pony

    Perhaps this’ll finally initiate the second coming.

    • Alex

      Lets hope it doesn’t land on a blue dress this time.

  • Gergith

    Kinda reminds me of the book Seeing (“sequel” to blindness) by José Saramago or this campaign to vote for None of the Above! I also think that Jesus, if he were a real human alive today, would probably make for an amazing USA president. Regardless… This is AWESOME! [Full Disclosure: I'm Canadian]

    • alizardx

      I’d be very happy to find a “NOTA” (“None Of The Above”) option on the ballot with the candidates losing to NOTA forbidden by law from running again for that office for 10 years.

      • Gergith

        I don’t even think the running law is required. I mean… They already wasted money on one campaign. Each losing campaign brings higher cost and risk to the whole operation. If people will vote NOTA once. They will do so every time! I agree that it would be nice, but I don’t think it’s actually required :)

        • alizardx

          With enough money and ego, coming up with enough money for another run after being rejected decisively by the voters is not a problem. Or with the right kind of deep-pocket ideological or theocratic support.

          • Gergith

            Why is that bad? If you have the option to not vote for them, why not let them continue wasting there money on something they can’t win?

  • Ape

    3rd world thinking in a supposed 1st world country…

  • http://hormeticminds.blogspot.com/ Chaorder Gradient

    Hmm i forgot about Bill keller, I used to troll that guy back when I was in highschool.

    I learned a lot from him (He was the first “adult” I knew at the time who responded in an e-mail with “LOL”… never realized how far-gone some people could be till him.)

  • http://bobhiggins.wordpress.com/ Bob Higgins

    Good. I applaud this movement. Given the demographics every vote for JC will effectively be a vote to reelect the President. I hope this grows like wildfire in the red states.

  • auto5734955

    ‘IF’ he did author the parables he’s credited for, he is much wiser than the morons that are running the place now.

  • Stephen

    Would electing Jesus to the Oval Office get him back to earth any sooner? Inquiring minds want to know…
    Leave it to the evangelicals to sink the political party that they themselves have ruined so many times before. They make me sick.

  • Yazi

    As far as my Jewish upbringing, Jesus was never mentioned. You’d think he never existed. But if these votes keep the republicans out of the white house, fine with me.

    I’m looking forward to this “rapture.” No more evangelicals!

  • Anahata

    Jesus has issued a press release, via his campaign team: “Dear fundamentalist Christians. Thank you for your vote. If elected, I will:

    * Drive the money-changers from the US
    * Turn the other cheek with regard to foreign policy
    * Love and bless America’s enemies
    * Establish a Department of Peacemaking
    * Surround myself (my Cabinet, my administration) with prostitutes, lepers, the poor, adulteresses, and simple laborers
    * Abolish the death penalty
    * Give government money to all poor who ask for it (Matthew 5:42)
    * Take all the money from the rich and give it to the poor (Luke 12:33)

    I look forward to doing my Father’s will on Earth. Vote Jesus!”

    • Cosmichic

      This is brilliant & I’m totally sharing it! Well done! I know quite a few ppl that claim to be Christians without showing any kind of “Christ” like behavior. That’s why I always say Jesus was the ultimate hippie liberal/progressive. WWJD indeed! Most non religious ppl I know are actually more moral, kind, generous & forgiving individuals than some of the uber religious ppl ive known throughout my life when I used to attend church regularly.

    • Cosmichic

      This is brilliant & I’m totally sharing it! Well done! I know quite a few ppl that claim to be Christians without showing any kind of “Christ” like behavior. That’s why I always say Jesus was the ultimate hippie liberal/progressive. WWJD indeed! Most non religious ppl I know are actually more moral, kind, generous & forgiving individuals than some of the uber religious ppl ive known throughout my life when I used to attend church regularly.

  • Guest

    Mitt Romney thinks he can bombard me with commercials because I live in a
    swing state. There are far better candidates the GOP leadership could
    have chosen as their nominee. I am writing in Ron Paul because I refuse
    to compromise my Integrity in the name of the “greater good,” and
    because I believe that as a True Christian I am prohibited by my God
    from choosing “The lesser of two evils.” No vote is wasted when you Do
    the right thing, and let God do the rest.

  • Guest

    Blessed be God Forever