Fed up with the two-party system? Via Cracked, five potential presidents who promise to shake up business as usual. Included is sword-welding Prohibition Party candidate Lowell Jackson “Jack” Fellure of Hurricane, West Virginia:
Jack’s been running for president since 1988. Ever the optimist, he knows that one day America will be ready for his sword-wielding, 17th-century-Bible-based form of governance.
Turn-Ons: Capital punishment, King James Bible.
Turn-Offs: “The Liquor Industry,” homos, lollygagging prisoners, people who dare mess with the King James Bible.
Why You Should Consider Jack: “My Presidential Campaign Platform is the Authorized 1611 King James Bible. God Almighty wrote that Book as the supreme constitution and absolute authority in the affairs of all men for all time and eternity. Quality leather bound copies of this Bible have been sent to the Presidential Office, the Supreme Court, the Senate, the House of Representatives, the National Republican Party, the National Democratic Party, and the Federal Election Commission.”
Latest posts by JacobSloan (see all)
- For Sale: Poveglia, The Haunted Italian Island With A Chilling History - Apr 20, 2014
- Lab Is Missing 2,000 Vials Of The Deadly SARS Virus - Apr 19, 2014
- Essential Vitamin B3 May Have Arrived From Space On Meteorites - Apr 18, 2014