Disembodied Erotomania

Inspired by Matt’s The Incubus Made Me Do It post from last week, it occurred to me that I’d actually written an entire chapter on the rarely explored topic of astral molestation in my first book. It’s out of print and I’m quite sure none of you have read it, so we’ll just mine it a bit at this point as I finish the final edits for my next book on occult weirdness (out spring 2013). Maybe I’ll do a re-release some day, but truthfully, I basically did nothing to promote the thing because I didn’t like it much. Parts are great but overall, way too dark. As was the nature of my life at the time. The thing is, despite me not liking it much, it was in fact a quite intentional work of magick, intended to destroy the alcoholic jerk off side of my personality (the death impulse) and re-align myself with the sacred feminine current of the multiverse. In that regard, it worked spectacularly well. Details soon.

For now, let’s talk about sex with the spirits. It’s certainly one of those things that never, ever would have occurred to me as anything other than total batshit crazy-ville until it fucking happened, which is a theme you’ll find a lot in any kind of occult or paranormal circles. If you’re into this sort of thing, it’s probably because something went down in your inner life that you couldn’t explain. This would be one of those cases. To give a bit of lead up here, because of the bizarro art invasion experiences I had on mushrooms and acid in my late teens, I started playing around with Robert Monroe’s techniques of astral projection at the suggestion of my mother. She went to Berkeley during the sixties and never tried drugs (lame), but had caught a bit of the new age bug that was so trendy at the time. I read the books, meditated with the hemi-sync tapes, and this is the sort of thing that started going down. I might point out that Monroe never actually mentioned that this type of shit might start happening in his books or tapes. Through me for a loop for quite a while. No drugs needed for these kind of kicks kiddies, just some free time and an Ipod.

 “Less than a week after the first time I had sex, something completely unexpected and incontrovertibly unnerving occurred. I was taking a nap on my couch and suddenly the dream I was having went lucid, but in a different manner than usual. I realized that I was in an altered state but, was powerless to control the events that were unfolding before me. I was receiving a transmission from my inner sanctum and I felt compelled to seek a deeper meaning in it.

 

I floated above a world that appeared to be made out of living, breathing claymation. For a long time I sped above this anime world fascinated by the stunning details and surreal intricacies of the environment. Eventually, I began to hover over what seemed to be the equivalent of its Serengeti. I saw a clay lion and zebra frolicking, as I assume clay zebras and lions are prone to. Just as I began to think about how amazing this alternate universe was, the lion bit into the zebra’s neck and began to devour it with a quick ferocity.

In that instant I woke up disgusted. I lay on my couch for a bit pondering the significance of this particular transient vision. And then it hit me. I was being shown the nature of the physical universe. In our present state we are focused on violence and predation for amusement. I realized I had unconsciously made the lion eat the zebra because when presented with the parameters of the situation I was unable to come up with any kind of alternative plotline. The dream was illuminating the very limitations of our current mental paradigm as reflected in me. Did humanity’s seemingly infantile obsession with tribal warfare and exploitation actually come from our own lack of creativity and foresight?

Before I could reflect any further I fell into a deeper dreamless slumber. I then awoke suddenly, to the unquestionable sensation of a woman sucking on my neck seductively. I released a reflexive moan of pleasure as I felt hands sliding up and down my torso caressing me aggressively. Then, at once, the pleasure turned to utter dread as I began to remember that I had been sleeping on my couch alone. I was maybe at this point more intensely terrified than I had ever been before. Somebody or something was there with me. I tried to look at it only to realize that I wasn’t fully awake at all and I couldn’t see anything or anyone. This didn’t change the fact that some kind of astral creature was right there next to me, molesting me for reasons unknown. I could feel its hands and mouth having their way with me and it felt as real as any worldly sexual encounter I have ever experienced. The difference being of course that in this scenario I was consumed by a blinding sense of frozen consternation.

Eventually I got the impression that the being, or whatever the hell it was, sensed my fear and was turned off. I felt it float away from me in a hurry as I lay motionless. I then regained full waking consciousness.”

 

So that was the first foray into this sort of madness. Unquestionably terrifying yet also intellectually compelling. I still contemplate the necessity of hyper-violence in our art to this day and strive to keep my writing as devoid of violence as possible. It’s actually quite funny that I’m posting these stories here. I have a friend in a local metal band who read part of that chapter and never picked up my book ever again. He told me that. Hilarious. Supremely strange Disinfonauts? It gets stranger. How about the time they seemingly invaded the dreamspace of the girl I was seeing:

 

“The only thing I honestly recall of the experience is that I was sleeping in the same bed as this girl, not fucking mind you, just sleeping. I had a dream that she was calling out for me to help her and I tried but was sucked away by some unknown force. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, but her screams faded to the background as I fell back into the realms of amnesic slumber.
An hour or so later, I woke up to go to the bathroom. As I approached the door to my room, I heard her voice chime out to me in the night and it sent chills down my spine. “Where are you going?” was all she asked and yet, right then I knew that something was off. When I returned she was observably shaken up and demanded that we talk about the dream she just endured.
In it, she said that she was in a crappy room with me and there were inexplicable ghost-like beings surrounding her. I seemed to be familiar with them, but she wasn’t. They were talking to her and telling her how they had been fornicating with me for a while in my sleep among other things. Apparently, I was a willing participating in this supernatural experiment they were conducting. They let her know that now they needed her to move on to the next stage and I was whisked off to another room. As I left she became overwhelmingly aghast and begged me to stay and help her, screaming at the top of her lungs. I turned around and tried to offer assistance but was vacated from the area by the mysterious spirits.

The next thing she recalled was that these things were raping her. She described in great detail how she actually felt them writhing on top of her like they were completely physical in nature. After the discarnate gang rape, they began to illuminate arcane aspects of our relationship for her. She was led to an incredibly scummy bar where she felt very comfortable. They let her know that this was her place. They then brought her to another much more upscale club where I was hanging out. She told me that she wasn’t even allowed to enter, but was kind of floating above it, watching me interact with the other patrons. She got the feeling that this was my territory, not hers. She didn’t belong there and I did. That was the problem. They asked her if she understood what they were trying to tell her and she did.

Now at this point, I was in complete and utter shock. I hadn’t once mentioned the fact that I had been having strange sexual encounters to her. Obviously, in our society that’s one of those things you just don’t mention to someone you’ve been dating for fear of their immediate rejection. And yet now here it was coming out of her mouth rather than mine.”

 

Now we have psychic dream terrain shared between two lovers. Not only that but a level of precognition, we broke up because I found out she cheated on me like 4 months later. I moved to Seattle, she stayed in Columbus. Occult enough for you? Well, let’s run through one more encounter. This one was by far the most extravagant and horrifying. I just watched most of season five of Californication. Nothing remotely this freaky going on there.

 

“The first thing I remember is having a dream where I was making love to some kind of shape shifting space creature. My wish was its command. I would ask it to turn into a specific person and it would morph into whomever I telepathically requested instantaneously. I wanted it to be a hot Asian woman and it would turn into such. I wanted it to be the spitting image of Christina Ricci and just like that, my thoughts mutated into reality. This charade was really quite extravagant in retrospect. I often find myself wishing I could replicate the scenario at will. Well, that is, until it got weird.
From out of nowhere I got the unconscious idea that I wanted this female being, whatever it was, to mimic the essence of one of my current lover’s best friends. It wasn’t like I could keep this thought from entering my head. A few months prior she had shown me some naked pictures of said friend that she took at a party. What can I say, that kind of sparked the attraction. Regardless of the reasons, once the request had been processed the being became infuriated. Suddenly, I found myself lying in bed lost in a familiar state of deranged paralysis.

This thing was now sucking on my nipples vigorously and it felt incredible. Despite the enticing nature of the predicament, after a short period I started to get scared. There was something a little too out there about what was going down and it began to freak me out. I started to ask it questions. It answered in an eerie, distorted telepathy. “I’m trying to buy you.” It explained matter of factly.
That was it. For some reason, her introducing the concept of ownership sent me into a profound state of histrionic dread. I tried to scream but that prospect proved impossible. Upon sensing my deep-rooted fear, the ghost-like creature became disgusted. It got up to walk across the room away from me and, for the first time ever, I caught a glimpse of one of these things. It appeared as a perfect female form that was thoroughly translucent. As it sauntered away from me, I continued to scream at the top of my lungs in horror. It paused in my bedroom doorway peering back at me and I pleaded with it to flip on the light switch. It looked at my quivering shell for another couple of seconds and in a calmly irritated manner replied: “turn them on yourself, fucker!” With that, it left the room and I almost instantly snapped back into waking consciousness–quivering with fear.”

 

Should be noted that things didn’t end up working out with that girl as well. Maybe that’s why the spirit was pissed? Interpret it however the fuck you want. I don’t know what to make of it myself, but I have my ideas or moreover, I’ve been given ideas. Sex on this plane is a metaphor for the merging of spiritual energies. It’s the primary creative force in the universe. We all come from fucking after all. As above, so below.

(oh, friend me on facebook for live magick feeds and support occult exploration by buying my trippy ass records).

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  • kowalityjesus

    ahem this is enlightening and bizarre and entertaining and well written, thanks

    • Matt Staggs

      THIS. This is what we’re aiming for here.

      • Thad McKraken

        Rad, there is a never ending supply of this kind of thing from my camp. More soon.

      • kowalityjesus

        yo matt, would you be a dear and throw me your email address. I may have materials worth submitting.

    • flipdog

      seconded.

      btw, and @Thad – I’m not the facebook type. is there any alternative way of hitting me up on dem feeds you mentioned?

      • Thad McKraken

        Unfortunately, I’m only up on facebook now, but will hopefully have an separate site that links to that feed soon. Will keep you updated. It’s just funny though, part of the reason I’m doing that on facebook is because I’ve never seen anyone do anything remotely like that on facebook before. So far, I think one person has commented on my magick diary/dream journal stuff and it’s gotten 3 likes. I don’t think anyone I know knows what to make of it.

  • Ted Heistman

    I’ve never really had anything this scary happen. But I am familiar with this type of thing. I’ve had out of body experiences. I’ve had entities come and communicate with me and I could feel their presence. I also can sense sexual energy emanating from people in waking consciousness. Sexual chi, is like a battery probably in a lot of ways to these entities.A lot of human activity is powered by the sacral chakra also. People do merge their energies together during sex and you seemed to have brought your girlfriend into your nightmare, because you had previously had sexual relations with these entities and then had sex with your girlfriend and thus brought her into it. That makes logical sense to me.

    I’m actually not sexually promiscuous at all because of this knowledge.. I’ve only had two sexual partners in the last twenty years. I sense peoples auras and I don’t want to merge with most of them. I don’t think its necessarily a dumb idea to be sexually abstinent or at least very conservative sexually, for psychic protection and psychological health. Everybody likes to blame the Christians for causing sexual repression, but all the other religious traditions are sexually conservative too, in the countries where thy are practiced. Hinduism in India, Buddhism in Asia, etc. Might be some Perennial wisdom there.

    As far as nasty entities go, For some reason, I seem to have the ability to use weapons in the astral realms. I don’t know if everybody can or not. Seems like maybe they can’t. But its worth a try. But I can say to entities “if you try to hurt me I will kill you.” and for some reason I mean it and they believe me. Might have to do with my past lives and guides that are helping me.

    There is probably a “grooming period” that I don’t allow them to initiate with me. They don’t necessarily come at you with a bum’s rush, but rather take you in and establish trust and then create a bond, then abuse you. They seem to need some type of consent on your part.

    I think some people approach hyperspace like a gay bathhouse or something. They just kind of put themselves out there for any entity at all to basically have their way with them. Not saying that is what you did, but I get that impression sometimes from reading posts in various DMT related forums. There seems to be this absolute trust, that I feel is misplaced. Maybe it comes from sheltered middle class sub-urbanites, taking DMT and thinking its all just in their head anyway and nothing bad will happen.

    I tend to think not everyone has pure motives, here in ordinary reality and also in non ordinary reality.

    • Thad McKraken

      Great response. It’s fascinating because this stuff was all going on before I started dabbling in sex magick, which just sort of reeks with predestination. Why did this stuff start happening to me exactly? I honestly hadn’t looked at a lot of those accounts in like 5 years so it was sort of fascinating to revisit it. Anywho, my further experiences with this realm have honestly made me less promiscuous rather than moreso (I’m married). Always been more of serial monogamist, that used to have to do with me liking to know where my pussy is coming from at the end of the day rather than having to go out and hunting for it, but now there’s certainly a different dimension.

      Since sex is the merging of spiritual energies, you probably don’t want to merge with bad energies, or say, have a kid with bad genetics. You know what I’m saying? We just rarely think about calculated genetics as a species which as far as I can tell is big fucking problem and maybe what the “Aliens” have been trying to point out to us. If my wife and I ever get divorced or something happens to one of us, I will be super fucking cautious about who I’m banging.

      • Ted Heistman

        I think a possible explanation is that people can attract negative entities as a result of “soul loss” from trauma they experienced in the past. People have a tendency to dissociate due to trauma. In a Shamanistic way of looking at things, this leaves a soul fragment in that area of space time. In a Shamanic journey, by yourself or a healer, you can go back in time and reclaim that bit of your soul and restore wholeness.

        So until this is done, you can have a vulnerability. It like your immune system is compromised. Have you ever done that type of thing? You seem you are a stronger person now than when you were experiencing these attacks.

        • Thad McKraken

          Yeah, compelling theory. It’s odd because those experiences were with girls I didn’t end up with and it seemed to be a way of the universe saying – this ain’t the right fit kiddo. The girl in the “psychic rape” sequence pretty much tore the heart out of my chest and handed it to me, but in retrospect, there is no way we would have ever worked out. Nice girl, not super bright. I might point out that not all these experiences have been negative or terrifying. Some have been quite enjoyable. Even when they are terrifying, still talking about them aren’t we.

          A big part of my next book is about how one of the first aspects of me practicing chaos magick was it seemingly directly drawing me to my wife.

          On the creepy front and maybe something I’ll discuss later. I’ve been given visions in the last year indicating to me that people are a lot more interconnected by sex though life cycles than we like to think. Very hard to accept. Like, your mom was your lover in a past life and that’s why she’s your mom in this life. Your brother was also your lover in a past life which is why he’s your brother now. It’s what they’ve been trying to tell me a bit, and of course the reaction of my rational westernized mind to this is the obvious – “wow, that’s completely fucking disgusting.” But is it? We were completely different people then.

          • Ted Heistman

            Sounds as plausible as anything regarding reincarnation.

    • kowalityjesus

      you are a paladin of the spirit world.

  • BuzzCoastin

    I’m pretty sure Monroe mentions his sexual experiences in at least one of his books, but they’re not lurid or detailed, and I remember seeing reports in other Hemi Sync related works by others.

    In the early days these experiences would startle me and creep me out; though none came upon me with out my conscious desire. Nor do I consider these experiences an important aspect of inner exploration. You can even view it as an impediment, should you get to wrapped up in the experiences, it becomes the end all, be all, and the end of development.

    • Matt Staggs

      Although I like my free-form Moments of Buzz, I’m very pleased to see you break form now and again.

      • BuzzCoastin

        have to use a change-up on some pitches
        keeps the batters guessing
        but I’m mainly a knuckleball pitcher

  • lazy_friend

    The writing is super, no doubt. But the author is afraid of himself, its his own dreams, everything that happens in the internal hollodeck are part of ourselves, created by ourselves, its his shadow. I wonder what the reaction would have been if he “willed” the shape shifting astral manifestation to become a carbon copy of himself. Nothing more scary than fucking yourself over. Careful with spiritual arrogance, there will be a time when it will come and seriously byte you. Now give me a real ghost story, not some technicolor nightmare, everyone with emotional, spiritual blockages have from time to time.

    • Ted Heistman

      So by that token, you are the only one who exists and the writer of this article is just part of YOUR internal hollodeck.

      • lazy_friend

        I have long suspected this, my godliness , but I am specifically talking about this separate internal hollodeck. Our universes are superimposed and when we come together we create this rendering we are experiencing now, ultimate creation. But at the core, as we all know, we are all one. Each piece of a hologram has enough information to recreate the whole.

        • Ted Heistman

          Most Shamans seem to think that Spirits have an independent existence. This idea of “its all in your head” is a Western Idea. I think some things might be in our head but many types of visitations don’t lend themselves to that as the most parsimonious explanation.

          • lazy_friend

            Nope, its all one. Its not that its just “in” my head. Its all from my “godhead”. People can spin whatever they want, but the core truth is quite simple (0). I am skeptical of shamans that talk about their wonderful dream world, but make no change in the physical plane. Any fool can light a fire fresh, make that sucker burn for days and ill be impressed. I am also skeptical of people trying to sell spiritual aids, that help people reach a deep inner world without much discipline. I’ll spend my last dollar on me. Any time I post here, a lot of people act like they know it all, and you from what ive seen always gravitate to anyone that agrees with your preconceived ideas, instead of discussing with people that would challenge them, nice little crutch. I have not seen anything that has not been regurgitated from occult books, nothing original, nothing novel. Nick at least is showing information he read, trying to put in simple language the layman can understand and sources is material, besides that its all derivative. I am more into chaos, discordian. Its nice to honor great creative ones that
            came before, but ripping them off is not my style. A true shaman would never be boasting about his powers and would remain occult. Unless he is a charlatan trying to intimidate. But anyways, that my cue to withdraw into the void, there is always a time when inferior aspects rule any domain, and the only way to combat such elements is to withdraw into contemplation. Ill be watching. Post something worthy of everyones times.

          • Ted Heistman

            I guess I torqued you off at me some how. That wasn’t my point. I thought We were just having a friendly debate about the independent existence of Spirit entities. I don’t claim to be a Shaman btw.

          • Thad McKraken

            Go listen to my records and tell me if you think the suck. That’s my high magick as is my writing. This all falls into the low magick category. Thanks for the critique though. I like people that fuck with me. The spirits do it all the time. It’s how you grow.

            http://dmioccult.bandcamp.com/album/an-echo-through-the-eyes-of-forever

      • lazy_friend

        Change your internal world, and the external mirror is sure to follow. Its easier said than done. This is something that has been preached by the I-ching for thousands of years since its creation. Surprisingly, while the I-ching is a very old text, it continues to be very cutting edge.

  • gelikeasics

    A few months later, my dreaming practices took a strange turn. I

    begun to get, in my dreams, replies to questions I was planning to

    ask Don Juan. The most Impressive part of this oddity was that he

    quickly lapsed into my waking hours. And one day, while I was

    sitting at my desk, I got a reply to an unvoiced question about the

    realness of inorganic beings. I had seen inorganic beings in dreams

    so many times I had begun to think of them as real. I reminded

    myself I had even touched one, in a state of semi normal

    consciousness into the Sonoran Desert. And my dreams had been

    periodically deviated two views the worlds I seriously doubted could

    have been products of my mentality. I wished to give Don Juan my

    best shot, in terms of a concise query, so I molded a question In my

    mind: if one is to accept that inorganic beings are as real as

    people, where, in the physicality of the universe, is the realm in

    which they exist?

    After formulating the question to myself, I heard a strange laughter,

    just as I had the day I wrestled with the inorganic being. Then a

    man’s voice answered me. That realm exists in a particular position

    of the assemblage point, it said. Just like your world exists in the

    habitual position of the assemblage point.

    The last thing I wanted was to enter into dialogue with a disembodied

    voice, so I stood up and ran out of my house. The thought occurred

    to me that I was losing my mind. Another war he to add to my

    collection of worries.

    The voice had been so clear and authoritative that it not only

    intrigue me but terrified me. I waited with great trepidation for

    oncoming barrages of that voice, but the event was never repeated.

    At the first opportunity I had, I consulted with Don Juan.

    He was not impressed in the least. You must understand, once and for

    all, that things like this are very normal in the life of a sorcerer,

    he said. You’re not going mad; you are simply hearing the voice of

    the dreaming emissary. Upon crossing the first or second gate of

    dreaming, dreamers reach a threshold energy and begin to see things

    or to hear voices. Not really plural voices, but a singular voice.

    Sorcerers call it the voice of the dreaming emissary.

    What is the dreaming emissary?

    Alien energy that has conciseness. Alien energy that purports to aid

    dreamers by telling them things. The problem with the dreaming

    emissary is that It can tell only what the sorcerers already know or

    should know, were they worth their salt.

    To say that it’s alien energy that has conciseness doesn’t help me at

    all, Don Juan. What kind of energy — benign, malignant, right,

    wrong, what?

    It’s just what I said, alien energy. An impersonal force that we

    turn into a very personal one because It has a voice. Some sorcerers

    swear by it. They even see it. Or, as you yourself have done, they

    seem to be here it is a man’s or woman’s voice. And the voice and

    tell them about the state of things, which most of the time they take

    as sacred advice.

    Why do some of us hear it as a voice?

    We see it or hear it because we maintain our assemblage points fixed

    on a specific new position; the more intense this fixation, the more

    intense our experience of the emissary. Watch out! You may see it

    and feel it was a naked woman.

    Don Juan laughed at his own remark, but I was too scared for levity.

    Is this force capable of materializing Itself? I asked.

    Certainly, he replied. And it all depends on how fixed the

    assemblage point is. But, rest assured, if you are capable of

    maintaining a degree of detachment, nothing happens. The emissary

    remains what it Is: impersonal force that acts on us because of the

    fixation of the assemblage points.

    Is its advice safe and sound?

    It cannot be advice. It only tells us what’s what, and then we draw

    the inferences ourselves.

    -The Art of Dreaming

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