From Security Checkpoints to Predator Drones – Teaching Our Kids To Love Authority

If you’re intent on bringing about a police state marked by an increasing level of authoritarianism while carrying out crimes against humanity in faraway lands, it’s important that you have the support of your citizens. After all, as Aldous Huxley once said, “A really efficient totalitarian state would be one in which the all-powerful executive of political bosses and their army of managers control a population of slaves who do not have to be coerced, because they love their servitude.”

Of course, if you leave it until it’s too late the citizens might develop unsavoury traits such as questioning authority and employing critical thinking, so it’s vital that the State ideology is drilled into them while they’re young. What better way to do this than with a series of exciting toys?

As Barack Obama continues his killing spree via Predator drones in the Middle East, killing innocent children in Pakistan, Yemen and elsewhere even as the UN launches a major investigation into civilian deaths, American kids can get in on the action as well, with Maisto’s UAV Predator drone toy. Now they too can play at bombing weddings with precision strikes, returning two days later for the mass funeral then back for one last strike on rescue workers as they clear up the body parts. Authentic-looking toy Afghan villages complete with toy locals with detachable limbs have yet to be released, although enterprising toy manufacturers are sure to fill this gap in the market any time soon.

Chances are American kids will soon be seeing plenty of real life Predator drones flying over their back yards – the US Department of Homeland Security has been busy increasing lending of drones to local police. While the release of the toy seems to point to the increasing obsolescence of satire, at least Amazon customers reviewing the product clearly demonstrate that the American public are not without a sense of humour.

When freedom-loving parents grow bored of indoctrinating their children in the nuances of imperialistic aggression abroad, what better way to introduce them to the ins and outs of domestic servility than Playmobil’s checkpoint toys. For travel closer to home there’s the police checkpoint, ideal for preparing them for the inevitable encounter with a random DUI checkpoint, where officers are likely to plant drugs in their car or taze them without provocation. For more adventurous Americans interested in teaching their kids about the joys of travelling further afield, there’s the TSA-style security checkpoint, although many customers have reservations that the toy lacks some crucial features to make it a truly authentic experience. Clothes and shoes cannot be removed and some consumers are eagerly awaiting the Playmobile Body Cavity Search and Full Body Image Scanner expansion sets. Just three hours of play a day is guaranteed to prevent your child from developing an unhealthy attitude of questioning authority.

Eventually your child will grow up, no longer interested in playing with toys as they begin to prepare themselves for the wider world. But with a collapsing economy and declining job market to face their options are limited, and they may find themselves despairing at the prospect of living in penury. The forward-thinking parent, however, can help to prepare them for a career in one of the few remaining growth sectors – the sex industry. These handy costumes for pimps and prostitutes are perfect for introducing little Jimmy and Jenny to the world’s oldest profession.

Toy collectors and parents alike eagerly anticipate the new line of products for 2013, although rumours of a Playmobiil FEMA camp and remote controlled miniature LS3 military robot have yet to be confirmed.

2 Comments on "From Security Checkpoints to Predator Drones – Teaching Our Kids To Love Authority"

  1. specialtasks | Jan 30, 2013 at 5:46 pm |

    Not to mention “smart,” “thoughtful” news sources like PBS and NPR that have been pushing drone PR hard. Recently, NPR (National Public Relations?) had a piece about drones (drone pilot BS degrees) and their soon-to-be, ubiquitous presence in the civilian world. Of course, there was little, if any criticism – mostly about the awesomeness of invasive technology and how everything is now connected. I’m sure Thomas Friedman, in all his Marshall McLuhan-wannabe posturing, heard it and is furiously crafting new buzzwords for his next redundant column on our wonderful global panopticon.

  2. BuzzCoastin | Jan 30, 2013 at 7:24 pm |

    safety is the excuses for all this
    no one should milk the herd except Uncle Homeland
    and he’ll do what it takes to insure that
    and so will the herd

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