British Horsemeat Scandal Now An ‘International Conspiracy’

Scandalized British carnivores conned into eating horses rather than cows are now being told by their government that there is an “international conspiracy” and “the horsemeat contamination in Beef Lasagne was not accidental,” reports Sky News:

Environment Secretary Owen Paterson has told Sky News an “international conspiracy” could be at the centre of the horsemeat scandal, and police might begin an investigation.

He made the comments following an emergency meeting with food producers, leading supermarkets and the Food Standards Agency (FSA) in central London.

Mr Paterson said it had been agreed that there would be “a very rapid analysis of current products”, with results by the end of next week, to understand “the extent of this problem which is either caused by gross incompetence or what I suspect is actually an international criminal conspiracy”.

“If there’s a criminal act we will work with the authorities wherever they are to ensure the appropriate measures are taken,” he said.

The talks came as frozen food company Findus UK said it is considering legal action against its suppliers after tests found up to 100% horsemeat in some of its beef lasagnes.

“Findus is taking legal advice about the grounds for pursuing a case against its suppliers, regarding what they believe is their suppliers’ failure to meet contractual obligations about product integrity,” the statement said.

“The early results from Findus UK’s internal investigation strongly suggests that the horsemeat contamination in Beef Lasagne was not accidental.”…

[continues at Sky News]


Majestic is gadfly emeritus.

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17 Comments on "British Horsemeat Scandal Now An ‘International Conspiracy’"

  1. One person’s “contaminated with horsemeat” is another person’s “enhanced…with horsemeat!” I’m imagining. Maybe Findus just needs to learn the art of spinning news.

    • Only problem with all this, is horses are not bred in anywhere near the same numbers as cattle, basically a tiny percentage. Where the hell are they getting all the horse meat, normally it’s a die of old age thing for horses or when they are put down for injuries or euthanasia when they are no longer of use.
      Still all in all truly a limited number of horses. The whole thing makes no sense unless it was targeted to harm Findus in preference to competing products.

  2. Well we know it’s not unicorn meat, because that would be fabulous‽

  3. BuzzCoastin | Feb 9, 2013 at 10:30 pm |

    I’m willing to bet that horse meat
    was the only healthy thing in that horse shit

    • From the article, the equine content was discovered via DNA analysis of meat. I don’t know how they would differentiate horse shit from horse meat via that procedure, anyone around here know?

      In other words, your guess might be the literal truth. I think that “meat” should be examined a lot more closely.

      • BuzzCoastin | Feb 10, 2013 at 8:35 pm |

        right on
        I’d take that a step further and say
        that even horse shit is probably safer & healthier

        than most of the petrochemical ingredients that lasagne contained

  4. Well we know it’s not unicorn meat, because that would be fabulous‽

    • Well obviously its a Unicorn conspiracy, where the unicorns are trying to wipe out all the horses in favor of their superior magical selves. Hell the business is called “Findus” — Find Us! them unicorns are hiding somewhere, and when the horses are gone, they will find you.

  5. Soylent green, horse flavor.

  6. since this was announced by a senior UK bureaucrat to the media, it’s an “official” conspiracy and it’s OK to believe in it.

  7. Monkey See Monkey Do | Feb 10, 2013 at 4:17 am |

    What do you think happens to all those aborted fetuses, lipo-suction fat and homeless & neglected people that suddenly vanish?, dont forget the under-handed ways of dealing with plagues (like rats etc). Eat up that hot dog and dim sim, mmmmmm yummy ;).

    • Jin The Ninja | Feb 10, 2013 at 12:24 pm |

      dim sum is hardly cheap and hardly low end. i live in a city with the second highest concentration of chinese (after vancouver) in n. america, and 99.99% of overseas chinese / abcs/cbcs find the very idea of canine meat repulsive.

      and in fact, what began as a famine food is consumed in far greater proportion in korea and vietnam. i bet most people in beijing would find it equally repellent. i can really only see a small cantonese population in some backwater village really eating it on the reg. and regardless cantonese cuisine is characterised by the quality of ingredients (which is why they make foie gras siu mai topped with sturgeon roe in the nice places), which in canada would mean no real sources of dog meat would be seen as viable nor would there be an audience to consume it.

    • You know that liposuction fat can and has been turned into biodiesel, right?

      Other than that… “SOYLENT GREEN IS [fill in the blank]”

      On a more serious note, look into the rendering business and the market for restaurant grease.

  8. B b b b but conspiracy is impossible rite guyz? I mean, never attribute to malice that which could be explained by stupidity!! It’s true!! It can’t be real – wait for the official account from the food company. If you’re dumb enough not to believe them, you’re not a true patriot!

  9. crookedstick | Jun 4, 2013 at 6:26 pm |

    I live in NM where they are trying to revive a dilapidated, dirty ,(shut-down for health violations,) beef slaughter-house as a horse slaughter plant. It is near a few race courses. This meat contains dangerous drugs that are not permitted for livestock use, causing aplastic anemia and cancers in humans. Your meat will come from there, as well as,auction houses where people send their horses, thinking they will be bought by a loving family. Others are Premarin foals. These are the off-spring of mares who spend their whole life tied and pregnant to produce Premarin from their urine. It a birth control pill produced by Pfizer. The foals are now killed but Pfizer wants to develop a “preferred breed”of horse for slaughter from the poor foals. They are half-Quarter Horse and Half Draft, hence, “meaty.”

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