Online Anger: Where It Comes From and How to Control It

An admission: I have, on occasion, been an asshole on the Intarwebs.  While I don’t agree that “disgruntled customers” complaining about companies is as bad a thing as online harassment and cyberbullying, this article has some useful info.  Andrea Weckerle writes at the Good Men Project:

When people are harassed, attacked or intimidated, what’s really going on is that someone is trying to take away their voice and browbeat them into submission. That’s not okay and it’s not an effective persuasion method. Unfortunately, with a low barrier to entry and the ability to remain anonymous or hide behind a pseudonym, coupled with instant dissemination, global reach, and the inability to fully retract statements, everything is amplified online. Poor self-control and anger management feed right into this. There’s a lot of hyper-aggressive posturing online, venting for the sake of venting, and being intentionally provocative just to get a reaction out of others. It’s as though some people are stuck in perpetual adolescence where being oppositional is a way of life. More often than not they don’t take into consideration the negative effect their behavior has on others or the reputational harm they’re inflicting on themselves.My book “Civility in the Digital Age: How Companies and People Can Triumph over Haters, Trolls, Bullies, and Other Jerks,” devotes a whole chapter to anger and anger management. And, not surprisingly, there are gender differences:

Socially there are differences between who is allowed to express anger without stigmatization and who isn’t. For example, anger is generally considered more acceptable in men than in women. According to anger researcher Raymond DiGiuseppe, Ph.D., professor and chair of the psychology department at St. John’s University, men express their anger more physically than women and are more passive aggressive, whereas women hold on to their anger longer and don’t express their anger as openly as men do. Yale University psychologist Victoria Brescoll, co-author with Eric Uhlmann of the research article “Can an Angry Woman Get Ahead? Status

Conferral, Gender, and Expression of Emotion in the Workplace,” noted, “For men, expressing anger may heighten status: Men who expressed anger in a professional context were generally conferred higher status than men who expressed sadness. For women, however, expressing anger had the opposite effect: Professional women who expressed anger were consistently accorded lower status and lower wages, and were seen as less competent, than angry men and unemotional women.

We need to keep in mind that anger on its own isn’t the problem. Anger is a normal and even healthy and appropriate emotion is certain situations. But it’s when anger is expressed negatively and becomes destructive to others or oneself that we need to sound the alarm. So what are some of the things that people can do to more effectively manage their anger? Here are things to consider:

  • Learn how to properly label the emotions you’re experiencing. Feeling annoyed or frustrated is different than feeling furious, and recognizing this will help you decide what an appropriate action in a given instance might be.
  • Find out what your anger triggers are. What issues tend to set you off, what people rub you the wrong way? Knowing this ahead of time will help you brace against them.
  • Recognize your own physical manifestations of anger, such as feeling flushed, or experiencing an accelerated heart rate or tensed muscles, so you can take action corrective action before you erupt.
  • Guard against cognitive errors such as making faulty assumptions about the intent behind someone’s statement, overgeneralizing an event in terms of its negative impact, or using anger as an emotional defense mechanism for an underlying problem.
  • Learn how long it usually takes you to become angry and how long it takes you to calm down again. Commit to not responding to an anger trigger while you’re still in the midst of feeling badly.
  • Decide if, when, and how you’re going to respond to something that bothers you online. Remember that in many cases, you get to decide these things.
  • If you’re required to respond, practice self-distancing, which means taking a detached view of what’s happening and avoiding becoming emotionally tangled up in it.
Read more here.

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  • lazy_friend

    Your anger is a gift.

    • Calypso_1

      From Jesus.

      • lazy_friend

        Kombat Jesus wants you!

        • Calypso_1

          I have a very early memory of being made to march around the church w/ all the other tikes with the xtian ‘flag’ singing I’m in the Lord’s Army. We were then told the greatest thing we could ever be was a martyr for Christ. If only they’d thought to strap the vests onto us then…maybe they wouldn’t be losing the country to devil worshipers & queers.

          • lazy_friend

            Yeah, they made me sing too. At least they got to hear my golden pipes before puberty hit and took them away. I think some of them a realizing that they are the ones doing the the devil worship without realizing and drinking pretend blood, while most of their high priests are gay and proud of it but just can’t show it so they can keep their job security.

          • lazy_friend

            Yeah, they made me sing too. At least they got to hear my golden pipes before puberty hit and took them away. I think some of them a realizing that they are the ones doing the the devil worship without realizing and drinking pretend blood, while most of their high priests are gay and proud of it but just can’t show it so they can keep their job security.

          • Calypso_1

            Just think…. In an earlier age it might have been your puberty that was taken from you.
            And just what was done with those nascent jewels?

          • lazy_friend

            They got replaced with a deeper pitch, which I can’t hold and testosterone which made me want to play a more physical instrument (drums). I was an altar boy too, good thing the priest was a womanizer not a pedobear, at least from my experience. He quit the church for a life in politics where loose women are easier to come by.

          • http://twitter.com/TedHeistman Ted Heistman

            good for him!

          • kowalityjesus

            you make a false connection between opera and religion

          • kowalityjesus

            you make a false connection between opera and religion

          • Calypso_1

            That’s intersting considering castrati were being enjoyed by Popes & Cardinals alike in the Choir of the Sistine Chapel & long before that in the choirs of Byzantine churches. Can you imagine that heart piercing sonority soaring into the dome of the Hagia Sophia!

            ….. Oh, all before a single opera was ever written.

            P.S.
            I would be cautious in certain haute circles in suggesting that opera is not religion.

          • kowalityjesus

            indeed, what a treat it must have been to hear a boy’s voice with a man’s power singing God’s praises. One of the more tangible/apparent extinct-anachronisms from the perspective of our age. I knew I was baiting amelioration with that comment.

            I just went last week, taking advantage of comp tickets through my organization. I wish I could splash water on the orchestra for being too loud. “Yes Wagner wrote this for 24 strings…USING GUT!!!!”

          • kowalityjesus

            indeed, what a treat it must have been to hear a boy’s voice with a man’s power singing God’s praises. One of the more tangible/apparent extinct-anachronisms from the perspective of our age. I knew I was baiting amelioration with that comment.

            I just went last week, taking advantage of comp tickets through my organization. I wish I could splash water on the orchestra for being too loud. “Yes Wagner wrote this for 24 strings…USING GUT!!!!”

          • Calypso_1

            I am a strong exponent of correct period instrumentation. I am classically trained, most practiced upon the cors anglais. I am also a fair counter-tenor.

            These days I am more likely to found twanging on a berimbau & intoning strange cryptic vocal modulations.

            The drone captured me early in my student music days (thanks La Monte Young).

          • Calypso_1

            I am a strong exponent of correct period instrumentation. I am classically trained, most practiced upon the cors anglais. I am also a fair counter-tenor.

            These days I am more likely to found twanging on a berimbau & intoning strange cryptic vocal modulations.

            The drone captured me early in my student music days (thanks La Monte Young).

          • kowalityjesus

            that is really freaking interesting. also that guy “totally looks like” Arvo Pärt

            http://cheezburger.com/7097456128

          • kowalityjesus

            that is really freaking interesting. also that guy “totally looks like” Arvo Pärt

            http://cheezburger.com/7097456128

          • Calypso_1

            He’s my idea of a True Drone Operator

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLitnrAd9jg

          • Calypso_1

            listening to ‘In Principio’ this morning

            may your day be as composed

    • Anarchy Pony

      Thus Spake the prophet de la Roca.

      • lazy_friend

        It’s a great statement and advice. There are a lot of people that get abused because they are afraid of showing anger and losing their “reputation” or friends or whatever. People that get angry all the time need anger management, as its not a party if it happens everyday. But if you are fairly laid back and something is pissing you off, for god’s sake let it be known.

  • jnana

    and remember:
    yer good enough, yer smart enough and doggone it, people like you.

    • canadaslade

      my roomate’s mother-in-law makes $70/hr on the internet. She has been
      unemployed for 5 months but last month her payment was $13745 just
      working on the internet for a few hours. Go to this web site and read
      more ­ ­ ­A­s­k­2­5­.­­c­o­m­

      • BuzzCoastin

        This is about online anger and I’m sick of your go get a job bullshit.
        What the Fuck are doing posting this kinda shit here. Who the Fuck do you think you are?
        Your roommate’s mother-in-law is a cheap whore.
        (And you spelled roommate rong you asswhole)
        It will be a cold day in hell before I go to A­s­k­2­5­.­­c­o­m­
        except for DOS attack you scum bag.
        Oh &
        have a nice day!

      • BuzzCoastin

        This is about online anger and I’m sick of your go get a job bullshit.
        What the Fuck are doing posting this kinda shit here. Who the Fuck do you think you are?
        Your roommate’s mother-in-law is a cheap whore.
        (And you spelled roommate rong you asswhole)
        It will be a cold day in hell before I go to A­s­k­2­5­.­­c­o­m­
        except for DOS attack you scum bag.
        Oh &
        have a nice day!

        • http://twitter.com/PhilipSilva5 PhilipSilva

          what Rodney said I didnt know that a student can profit $9087 in 1 month on the network.

        • http://twitter.com/PhilipSilva5 PhilipSilva

          …..—-goo.gl/NsQVn (Home more information)

      • Bluebird_of_Fastidiousness

        Please tell me it’s working with online anger management. I would also accept running a server for videos of obscure SNL references.

        I shutter to think what else it would be.

      • Bluebird_of_Fastidiousness

        Please tell me it’s working with online anger management. I would also accept running a server for videos of obscure SNL references.

        I shutter to think what else it would be.

  • Ittabena

    Someone should post this on ATS!

    • Calypso_1

      Try this first.

      • Ittabena

        Mmm, petro-chemicals, yum!

        • Calypso_1

          Even better a fluorinated benzene fused isoxazole.
          That will really freak them out.

          • InfvoCuernos

            WTF? All its missing is some mercury.

          • Calypso_1

            Fear not. Our chemtrail program has it covered.

          • Calypso_1

            Just wait till the liquid mercury mirror resonator gets installed on the HAARP.

          • jnana

            I’d move to Idaho if it weren’t for all the Mormons and smelly beet sugar processing plants. Nampa stinks!

          • Ittabena

            This is starting to read like a table of contents for a book. One without a happy ending.

            @Jnana – Will not buy beet sugar, and Mormon is no longer PC. I know because one of my roommates used ta be one. Saints is the politically correct way to refer to them.

            LMFAO Mitt Romney, Saint.

            @InfvoCurnos – We are getting are daily recommended allowance of mercury in the High Fructose Genetically Modified Corn Syrup – I believe in full names.

            @ Calypso – Now they told me on ATS that HAARP was just research and there were no Chemtrails. And we know it is correct because Phage said it was. Meh!

  • LucidDreamR

    Boy the world would sure be a boring place if all these “bad” emotions/reactions were eliminated. I love technology and robots… but I’d much prefer staying human thank you.

  • echar

    I only act angry, because I want people to think I am cool.

  • echar

    I only act angry, because I want people to think I am cool.

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