North Korea Declares War on the United States

Golf Clap

To quote Futurama, “War were declared.”

Hopefully this is more posturing. Things could get messy quick, regionally speaking.

Snip:

It is the resolute answer of the DPRK and its steadfast stand to counter the nuclear blackmail of the U.S. imperialists with merciless nuclear attack and their war of aggression with just all-out war.

They should clearly know that in the era of Marshal Kim Jong Un, the greatest-ever commander, all things are different from what they used to be in the past.

The hostile forces will clearly realize the iron will, matchless grit and extraordinary mettle of the brilliant commander of Mt. Paektu that the earth cannot exist without Songun Korea.

Time has come to stage a do-or-die final battle.

Keep reading.

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  • Tchoutoye

    According to Russian media, it’s most likely a (deliberate?) mistranslation from Korean to English.

  • ParanoidCoast

    When I read the word “madcap” in the press release, it brought to mind those screwball comedies made in the sixties and seventies.

    • MoralDrift

      yeah this truly is a hilarious gem…..that is unless of course its a prelude to global war

  • Anarchy Pony

    “We have seen too many body bags and ball sacks…”
    The article begins with a futurama quote, I make a futurama quote, nobody cares.

  • Andrew

    Somebody call Dennis Rodman.

  • echar

    Things just got serious!

  • ReverendCecilBDeReel

    Send in Team America.

  • Hadrian999

    I think China will attack N. Korea before the U.S. does

    • Matt Staggs

      In my admittedly limited knowledge of the situation, I get the impression that North Korea is more their problem than ours. I don’t think they want millions of starving Koreans seeking asylum at their border.

      • Hadrian999

        that and they don’t want more of a U.S. presence in Asia.

      • MoralDrift

        north korea has been apart of the Chinese sphere of influence since the middle ages

        correction: han dynasty so even BCE

    • MoralDrift

      yes I think it would be, a definite mark of Chinese statesmanship style…..declare the leadership in Pyongyang deposed and assert control of the north….

  • urza9814

    How are they declaring war when we’re already at war? Officially, the Korean War is still ongoing…

  • Juan

    The rhetoric is . . . interesting. It reads like a caricature of a pronouncement from a demented police state. Self parody much? This can’t be real, right? It’s like something from a cheese ball James Bond film or perhaps Dr. Strangelove. It’s absurd in the extreme. Is it a case of life imitating art?
    Any ideas about WTF may be actually happening?

    • Daniel Gill

      listen to Laibach (band -prominent in the Iron Sky movie too). Art imitating fascist art .

    • MoralDrift

      Well…it’s anyone’s guess at this point. Most media outlets and experts are sticking to the “its more of the same game” line while a few are pointing out that at this point it is hard to say.

      The US has raised the odds by overtly raising the possibility of nuking the north, and by announcing the agreement on counter force measures with South Korea outlining specific actions to be taken in the event of a provocation.

      As for the North Koreans, new leader…..unclear what the military thinks of him…..unpredictable

      Perhaps the most important piece of the puzzle…what is China thinking? If the north strikes without China’s blessing…they could be left to the dogs or….perhaps China would take unprecedented measures to intervene like invade the north themselves….probably the most intriguing wildcard option…if things got that far…which…….they probably wont

  • http://twitter.com/RayButlers Ray Butlers

    that’s so cute

  • Juan

    Out, demon!

  • VaudeVillain

    I put the over/under for a coup at one month. The North Korean military has already experienced mass desertions due to the “end” of the armistice, at this rate it is only a matter of time before the troops do something to keep from getting butchered.

  • BuzzCoastin

    taking any of this seriously
    is to be an American
    the most easily beguiled people on Earth

  • geminihigh

    If we dealt with states such as North Korea and Cuba the “right” way from the beginning there would be no need to worry about such threats, empty or otherwise. I always argued that if capitalism is truly a superior form of an economic system to what passes for communism, then instead of empowering their leaders by placing tough sanctions and embargoes on their nations, instead just send flotillas full of Western goods to their shores, and drop desired merchandise via unmanned, high altitude aircraft, free of charge. These would come with leaflets of both positive messages and ones asking the question of why their country sucks balls so badly. Hey North Korea, want to see what a Mercedes Benz looks like? Doesn’t look like any piece of shit car you or any other commy national ever designed. You won’t believe it, but it starts up properly nearly every time you put they key in! You say you don’t know what Hi-Def TV is, let alone one in color? Now you do, plus it comes with a Blu Ray player, courtesy of the people of the free world! Sure, this could easily be a provocation for war. But once the people get can’t wait to for the next season of the Walking Dead to come via parachute, its over. The governments would just dissolve. Even the military would say fuck it when they learn that even Lunchables taste better than the dirt they and their families have to eat

    • http://www.facebook.com/jacob.garrison.31 Jacob Garrison

      While you are correct, all they would need to drop in North Korea would be food. The Middle East is where we should be dropping consumer electronics and such. We could’ve already straightened things out with Iran if we’d just given them all Ipod nanos. Hell, they’d have even settled for a Zune.

  • http://www.zoboprepublic.wordpress.com/ zobop republic

    You know, people call the Korean War the Forgotten war. IF North Korea actually starts a war maybe this one won’t be forgotten.

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