Pat Robertson Says You May Have Demons In Your Wardrobe

Are you a constant thrift-shopper? Always looking for a bargain? Find yourself often at Anton LaVey’s family yard sales? Well then watch out! There could be demons in them clothes! Now don’t worry, he tenderly quips that “not everything’ has a demon in it. I mean THAT would be ridiculous, right?
It would be entirely funny except for the fact that I as a child hung on every word Pat Robertson said and millions of Americans still do.

This calls for a whole new detergent line, ‘Tide Spirit: Now with blessed Holy Water drops from Jerusalem!

Gabriel D. Roberts is the author of the book, Born Again To Rebirth, available now for free download on iTunes till Easter Sunday.

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  • BuzzCoastin

    let’s face it
    if you’re a serious fan of Pat
    you have demons

  • BuzzCoastin

    let’s face it
    if you’re a serious fan of Pat
    you have demons

  • Sir Legendhead

    It’s true! I have seen them! There are video games like Skyrim which teach people these things! Listen to Roky Erickson! HE KNOWS!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxfFcMoDtg0

    • http://hormeticminds.blogspot.com/ Chaorder Gradient

      everyone knows you master enchanting as soon as possible.

  • echar

    “I have a zero tolerance for sanctimonious morons who try to scare people”.
    Pat Robertson

  • Juan

    In firey southern preacher voice, “OUT DEMON!”

  • Juan

    In firey southern preacher voice, “OUT DEMON!”

    • Calypso_1

      I’d rather a smokey, southern seductress say, “Come in you Devil”

    • Calypso_1

      I’d rather a smokey, southern seductress say, “Come in you Devil”

  • http://twitter.com/BozoDeathGod BozoDeathGod

    How long do you have to keep your head up your ass to ferment these sorts of ideas?

  • http://twitter.com/BozoDeathGod BozoDeathGod

    How long do you have to keep your head up your ass to ferment these sorts of ideas?

    • Calypso_1

      There are a number of factors.

      1) Fermentation by in vivo organisms will be an anaerobic process

      2) Colonic gases normally contain a significant amount of O2 derived from swallowed air. In the presence of cranial insertion in the anus this process is interrupted. Remaining gas production will largely result from the presence of bacteria.

      3) The brain itself cannot maintain thought processes of any kind under sustained hypoxia resulting from O2 deprivation. In the normal situation of cranioanal juncture this induces the first stages of brain death well within norms expected for hypoxic events. Usually after 10min.

      4) Many things may affect the rate of fermentation (conversion of glucose to ethanol) but we must consider: primarily the amount of ethanol output required to produce the required thought states and the ratio of time for production of said output with the introduction of aeration enough to sustain the brain in a sub-hypoxic state.

      5) The rate of auto-fermentation can be accelerated with the introduction of yeast. So we must ask. Does the subject have a butt fungus?

      6) Oxygenation requires a physiological solution. The most common would be an anal fistula.

      In conclusion, after consultation with several medical specialists, a brew master and a plentitude of high-gravity IPA’s it is our opinion that this mental state could be achieved within 14 hours. Ten if the subject were a diabetic hermaphrodite with fistulated rectovaginal candidiasis.

  • VaudeVillain

    That’s very pagan of him.

  • David Howe

    Is that like having a monster in your pants?

    http://youtu.be/Jm6yEe439lw

  • http://profiles.google.com/joe.e.nolan Joe Nolan

    I’ve done a number of healthy book finds and sells where I’ve found occult volumes on the cheap and sold them at auction for ten times what I paid. I’ve been warned of similar possibilities, but none of these used grimoires seemed seething with malicious spirits. However, I have become addicted to the Polanski film The Ninth Gate, so there is that…

  • http://profiles.google.com/joe.e.nolan Joe Nolan

    I’ve done a number of healthy book finds and sells where I’ve found occult volumes on the cheap and sold them at auction for ten times what I paid. I’ve been warned of similar possibilities, but none of these used grimoires seemed seething with malicious spirits. However, I have become addicted to the Polanski film The Ninth Gate, so there is that…

  • lifobryan

    From PJ O’Rourke, years ago: “‘Funny Republican’ is an oxymoron in the public mind. Sense of humor and Conservatism are not meant to go together. There are some well-known exceptions – William F Buckly Jr, R Emmett Tyrrell Jr, and Pat Robertson (though there’s always the possibility that Robertson isn’t kidding).”

    I’m not often a fan of O’Rourke’s opinions, but I found this one funny …..

  • http://www.zoboprepublic.wordpress.com/ zobop republic

    Pat Robertson better burn his clothes quick!

  • http://www.zoboprepublic.wordpress.com/ zobop republic

    Pat Robertson better burn his clothes quick!

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