Pat Robertson Says You May Have Demons In Your Wardrobe

Are you a constant thrift-shopper? Always looking for a bargain? Find yourself often at Anton LaVey’s family yard sales? Well then watch out! There could be demons in them clothes! Now don’t worry, he tenderly quips that “not everything’ has a demon in it. I mean THAT would be ridiculous, right?
It would be entirely funny except for the fact that I as a child hung on every word Pat Robertson said and millions of Americans still do.

This calls for a whole new detergent line, ‘Tide Spirit: Now with blessed Holy Water drops from Jerusalem!

Gabriel D. Roberts is the author of the book, Born Again To Rebirth, available now for free download on iTunes till Easter Sunday.

Gabriel Roberts

Gabriel D. Roberts is a theological scholar, researcher and public speaker that specializes in discussions about the nature of perception and belief. After 27 years of passionate searching and study, Gabriel stepped away from his long held Christian faith into a more expansive and fluid worldview.The details and reasons are catalogued in his book, Born Again To Rebirth.Like many others who have had an earnest thirst for the answers to the big questions of life, Gabriel was not satisfied to settle for not knowing more.His latest book, The Quest For Gnosis explores the roots of belief, the power of the ecstatic state in one’s spiritual life and the means by which a deeply satisfying spiritual life may be achieved outside of the bonds of dogma.Within The Quest For Gnosis, Gabriel interviews 20 of the brightest minds in this field of study, including Dr. Rupert Sheldrake, Graham Hancock, Daniele Bolelli, Peter J. Carroll, Hamilton Morris, Dr. Aaron Cheak, David Metcalfe, Dr. Rick Strassman and many more.

Gabriel writes for VICE Magazine, Disinfo.com and Realitysandwich.com and is the author of three books. He is continuing his research at the University of Washington in his hometown of Tacoma, WA.

19 Comments on "Pat Robertson Says You May Have Demons In Your Wardrobe"

  1. BuzzCoastin | Mar 1, 2013 at 6:39 pm |

    let’s face it
    if you’re a serious fan of Pat
    you have demons

  2. BuzzCoastin | Mar 1, 2013 at 6:39 pm |

    let’s face it
    if you’re a serious fan of Pat
    you have demons

  3. Sir Legendhead | Mar 1, 2013 at 7:42 pm |

    It’s true! I have seen them! There are video games like Skyrim which teach people these things! Listen to Roky Erickson! HE KNOWS!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxfFcMoDtg0

  4. “I have a zero tolerance for sanctimonious morons who try to scare people”.
    Pat Robertson

  5. In firey southern preacher voice, “OUT DEMON!”

  6. In firey southern preacher voice, “OUT DEMON!”

  7. How long do you have to keep your head up your ass to ferment these sorts of ideas?

  8. How long do you have to keep your head up your ass to ferment these sorts of ideas?

    • Calypso_1 | Mar 2, 2013 at 12:23 am |

      There are a number of factors.

      1) Fermentation by in vivo organisms will be an anaerobic process

      2) Colonic gases normally contain a significant amount of O2 derived from swallowed air. In the presence of cranial insertion in the anus this process is interrupted. Remaining gas production will largely result from the presence of bacteria.

      3) The brain itself cannot maintain thought processes of any kind under sustained hypoxia resulting from O2 deprivation. In the normal situation of cranioanal juncture this induces the first stages of brain death well within norms expected for hypoxic events. Usually after 10min.

      4) Many things may affect the rate of fermentation (conversion of glucose to ethanol) but we must consider: primarily the amount of ethanol output required to produce the required thought states and the ratio of time for production of said output with the introduction of aeration enough to sustain the brain in a sub-hypoxic state.

      5) The rate of auto-fermentation can be accelerated with the introduction of yeast. So we must ask. Does the subject have a butt fungus?

      6) Oxygenation requires a physiological solution. The most common would be an anal fistula.

      In conclusion, after consultation with several medical specialists, a brew master and a plentitude of high-gravity IPA’s it is our opinion that this mental state could be achieved within 14 hours. Ten if the subject were a diabetic hermaphrodite with fistulated rectovaginal candidiasis.

  9. VaudeVillain | Mar 2, 2013 at 12:22 am |

    That’s very pagan of him.

  10. David Howe | Mar 2, 2013 at 9:28 am |

    Is that like having a monster in your pants?

    http://youtu.be/Jm6yEe439lw

  11. I’ve done a number of healthy book finds and sells where I’ve found occult volumes on the cheap and sold them at auction for ten times what I paid. I’ve been warned of similar possibilities, but none of these used grimoires seemed seething with malicious spirits. However, I have become addicted to the Polanski film The Ninth Gate, so there is that…

  12. I’ve done a number of healthy book finds and sells where I’ve found occult volumes on the cheap and sold them at auction for ten times what I paid. I’ve been warned of similar possibilities, but none of these used grimoires seemed seething with malicious spirits. However, I have become addicted to the Polanski film The Ninth Gate, so there is that…

  13. lifobryan | Mar 3, 2013 at 2:32 pm |

    From PJ O’Rourke, years ago: “‘Funny Republican’ is an oxymoron in the public mind. Sense of humor and Conservatism are not meant to go together. There are some well-known exceptions – William F Buckly Jr, R Emmett Tyrrell Jr, and Pat Robertson (though there’s always the possibility that Robertson isn’t kidding).”

    I’m not often a fan of O’Rourke’s opinions, but I found this one funny …..

  14. Pat Robertson better burn his clothes quick!

  15. Pat Robertson better burn his clothes quick!

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