Fox News Guest Claims She Smelled God During Near-Death Experience

“Ever wonder what heaven’s actually like?” Fox News journalists have the answer, from the mouth of Crystal McVea, whose heart briefly stopped while she was undergoing treatment for an inflamed pancreas. McVea claims she ascended to heaven, where she felt like she “had 500 senses” and smelled God. She is selling an e-book titled “Waking Up in Heaven: A True Story of Brokenness, Heaven, and Life Again” describing the experience:

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  • Calypso_1
    • http://hormeticminds.blogspot.com/ Chaorder Gradient

      your MOM smells like teen spirit

      • Calypso_1

        That would be an improvement. She does, however reek of jesus sanctofication.

  • eric82

    If your e-book is too shitty to land a spot on Oprah, there’s probably a good chance Fox & Friends or CNN’s “Anderson Live” will take you.

    • VaudeVillain

      This might be proof positive that there really is a god.

  • Aipeed Teaitchse

    smells like some bullshit to me.

  • Greenleaf Stickybud

    Her pineal gland released DMT into her brain, and she tripped out.

  • Andrew

    There where it smells of shit
    it smells of being.
    Man could just as well not have shat,
    not have opened the anal pouch,
    but he chose to shit
    as he would have chosen to live
    instead of consenting to live dead.

    Because in order not to make caca,
    he would have had to consent
    not to be,
    but he could not make up his mind to lose
    being,
    that is, to die alive.

    There is in being
    something particularly tempting for man
    and this something is none other than
    CACA.
    (Roaring here.)

    To exist one need only let oneself be,
    but to live,
    one must be someone,
    to be someone,
    one must have a BONE,
    not be afraid to show the bone,
    and to lose the meat in the process.

    Man has always preferred meat
    to the earth of bones.
    Because there was only earth and wood of bone,
    and he had to earn his meat,
    there was only iron and fire
    and no shit,
    and man was afraid of losing shit
    or rather he desired shit
    and, for this, sacrificed blood.

    In order to have shit,
    that is, meat,
    where there was only blood
    and a junkyard of bones
    and where there was no being to win
    but where there was only life to lose.

    o reche modo
    to edire
    di za
    tau dari
    do padera coco

    At this point, man withdrew and fled.

    Then the animals ate him.

    It was not a rape,
    he lent himself to the obscene meal.

    He relished it,
    he learned himself
    to act like an animal
    and to eat rat
    daintily.

    And where does this foul debasement come from?

    The fact that the world is not yet formed,
    or that man has only a small idea of the world
    and wants to hold on to it forever?

    This comes from the fact that man,
    one fine day,
    stopped
    the idea of the world.

    Two paths were open to him:
    that of the infinite without,
    that of the infinitesimal within.

    And he chose the infinitesimal within.
    Where one need only squeeze
    the spleen,
    the tongue,
    the anus
    or the glans.

    And god, god himself squeezed the movement.

    Is God a being?
    If he is one, he is shit.
    If he is not one
    he does not exist.

    – Antonin Artaud

    • gemjunior

      Poet Laureate for sure. He should also have included the words “steaming load of horse dung” or he could have used “garbage reeking in the humidity” or “used toilet paper polluting the world” or even “bile colored foamy cowpie” or in French “la trachee garbagge weeth sheettee odour”.

  • The Well Dressed Man

    So was it whatever smell is next to the smell of cleanliness?

    • Calypso_1

      Ethylene oxide

  • oli42@hotmail.com
  • Trevor Smith

    Sounds a lot like my last DMT experience XD

    Did you notice she also described synesthesia? Blending of the senses. Some are actually born with it. I usually only experience it on psychedelics and in dreams

    Countless people describe these unbelievable experiences they have while flatlined…But depending on their ideological orientation prior to the experience they all interpret it in different ways; and many make the mistake of projecting their ideologies onto it.

    Its just another way in which we are all constantly engaged in confusing what we *think* of reality as actually being reality itself

    • Andrei Serde

      Good points there, sir :)

  • theatheistpig

    Maybe god cut one.

  • Raz

    In my view god have a funky smell, and anyone who disagrees with me is a stinky heretic!!!

  • BuzzCoastin

    God is suing her for plagiarism

    and for stinking up Her place during her brief visit.

  • echar

    It doesn’t take a book to say God smells like marijauna or bacon or both simultaneously.

  • bozodeathgod

    So is she saying that God does not have a nose?

  • jasonpaulhayes

    The Transcendental Odor at the end of Time?

  • Monkey See Monkey Do

    She who smelt it, dealt it.

  • Calypso_1

    You have to burn all three together.