British Politician Claims He’s Having Affair With An Alien

simon parkes

He says nonetheless he remains focused on fixing the potholes in Whitby. Via the Mirror:

A Labour politician has sensationally claimed that an extra terrestrial affair is ruining his marriage. Simon Parkes, town councillor for Stakesby in Whitby, says he has sex with the alien, who he refers to as the Cat Queen, around four times a year.

He even claims to have fathered an extraterrestrial lovechild called Zarka and says having sex with the alien has caused tension in his marriage: “My wife found out about it and was very unhappy, clearly. But it is not on a human level, so I don’t see it as wrong.”

“What will happen is that we will hold hands and I say ‘I’m ready’ and then the technology I don’t understand will take us up to a craft orbiting the earth.”

He says his work is unaffected: “It’s a personal matter. I’m more interested in fixing someone’s leaking roof or potholes.”

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  • rafiah77

    oh well

  • Adamas Macalz

    Some please tell this guy that cats are not extraterrestrials…

    • echar

      Are you absolutely 100% money back guaranteed that they are not indeed extraterrestrials?

      • Adamas Macalz

        About as sure as I am that you are not a wolf in a suit

        • echar

          Crap, I’ve been made! *pushes the red ejection seat button*

  • Jonas Planck

    This would explain why they closed the UFO office… Obviously, The Doctor has it all under control.

  • echar

    Zarka praise you all

  • echar

    Zarka praise you all

  • Rhoid Rager

    I wonder how he’d feel if his wife came home one day all sweaty and smelling like sex carrying a space helmet. “It’s OK dear, it wasn’t a human matter.”

  • Juan

    Yesterday, upon the stair,
    I met a man [sexy cat alien] who wasn’t there
    [S]He wasn’t there again today
    I wish, I wish [s]he’d go away…

    When I came home last night at three
    The man [sexy cat alien] was waiting there for me
    But when I looked around the hall
    I couldn’t see h[er]there at all!
    Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
    Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door… (slam!)

    Last night I saw upon the stair
    A little man [sexy cat lady] who wasn’t there
    [S]He wasn’t there again today
    Oh, how I wish [s]he’d go away

    –Harold Adamson 1939

  • Bruce Fenton

    Though it is not my place to say whether this man is honest or not, I did not even watch the show, I will make a comment in passing. If he was born into a community of shamanistic native Indians in South America (or other such tribes around the world) his account would mark him as a potential shaman rather than as a nutter. Shaman all over the planet claim to have spirit families, non-human wives and children or even other parents from beyond the veil. We have a cultural bias to assume such accounts mean people are just insane.

    Actually reports of sexual interaction with non-humans (not including animals) have cropped up frequently all over the planet for millennia. Whether in alien abductions, altered states of consciousness or related to sleep paralysis type events – such as the infamous Succubus & Incubus.

    Anyway as I say I am not sure if this guy is honest, I suspect he is as he won´t gain much from going public with all of this, and if he is not then the fallout in his life will be punishment enough for lying. I can say that myself and my partner have experienced far stranger things than anything he claimed.

  • Bluebird_of_Fastidiousness

    If this was in the US, people would be demanding his resignation. Not for the alien part though…

  • Microhero

    Hey that alien is my wife!!! You bastard!!!!

    I think he shoul fix his own leaking roof and potholes..