Vatican’s Exorcist Claims He Has Dispatched 160,000 Demons To Hell

AmorthPraysFather Gabriele Amorth, profiled in the new documentary The Exorcist in the 21st Century, has been a busy man per this report in CP World:

The Catholic Church’s top exorcist, who claims to have sent 160,000 demons back to hell, says he wants Pope Francis to allow all priests to start performing the ritual to deal with a rising demand for exorcisms from the faithful.

Father Gabriele Amorth, 88, who also heads the International Association of Exorcists, told The Sunday Times that he will ask Pope Francis to allow all priests the right to do exorcisms without the church’s approval. According to the report, priests currently need special approval from their bishop to perform the rite and it is rarely granted.

“I will ask the pope to give all priests the power to carry out exorcisms, and to ensure priests are properly trained for these starting with the seminary. There’s a huge demand for them,” said Father Amorth.

He explained that he was inspired to make the request after watching Pope Francis perform what he insists was an exorcism on a man “possessed by four demons” in St. Peter’s Square.

“The pope is also the Bishop of Rome, and like any bishop he is also an exorcist,” Amorth reportedly told La Repubblica newspaper. “It was a real exorcism. If the Vatican has denied this, it shows that they understand nothing.”…

[continues at CP World]

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  • Brian C Nielsen

    This is horseshit. I did the math. Assuming he started when he was 25 and ended when he was 88, he performed 6.9 exorcisms per day for 63 years. When did he sleep? When did he eat? When did he have time to endorse pedophilia? C’mon… you saw that coming…

    • Matt Staggs

      This is a perfect example of why I love this site so much.

    • Juan

      LOL:)

      • DrDavidKelly

        Yeah! Right on. I guess we weren’t suppose to actually THINK about this in any realistic way. You know what else is horseshit? Catholicism, angels, demons, priests – the whole fucking thing is made up from the get go.

    • DeepCough

      When you’re on a mission from God, you don’t need logic.

    • Allison nesdoly

      there could have been more than one demon in each person too

  • Calypso_1

    ‘Back to hell’ eh?
    Are we talking Tartarus or the Abyss? How did they come to be confined in the first place & how were they loosed? Are we now in the Millinium & if so how is it that these unbound hellions recieved not their full measure of terror upon the New Earth – contract w/ the Lord of Hosts & all that. Bad form really….
    Silly Priesty, stick to magic crackers, canabalizm is sooo back in style.

  • BuzzCoastin

    > claims to have sent 160,000 demons back to hell

    are there that many Catholic priests?

  • DrDavidKelly

    I hate it when they round. The actual figure is 161,344 demons.

    • Brian C Nielsen

      Then I guess it’s more than 6.9 per day for 63 years.

      • Calypso_1

        Well, if someone were possessed by a Legion then a single banishment could net 6666 in one fell swoop.

        • Brian C Nielsen

          Perhaps. But this priest has a better likelihood of telling the truth than Legion actually existing.

          • Brian C Nielsen

            Then again, if the priest was telling the truth, then Legion would exist. Sometimes I’m so smart I’m stupid.

  • Aram Jahn

    I took up exorcism as a hobby around 15 years ago, after taking a class in comparative religions. And I’m not even Catholic…or religious. I’m some sort of mystical agnostic. Anyway:

    After lots of practice, I’m up to 187,235 exorcisms, so Father Amorth can suck my cock. I fucking RULE! (I even exorcise via a host of various electromagnetic spectrum wavelengths: Ask me how!)

    Someone will inevitably ask me if I’ve had any failures. I have. The most notable being Dick Cheney. I hope I don’t need to admonish anyone reading this: If you’re anywheres near Dick Cheney, get out of there ASAP! A lot may be riding on this. He’s very infectious, too.

    • Brian C Nielsen

      You couldn’t get rid of Cheney? Don’t worry. A cheesesteak should do the trick.

  • echar

    I can send people to make believe places too.

    • Brian C Nielsen

      Really? No foolsies? Can you send me to Krynn? I hear Kitiara is hot. If you get my reference I’ll be impressed.

      • echar

        I wish I got your reference. I could cheat and google it, but that’s not as cool. As for sending people to make believe places… read books. :)

        • Brian C Nielsen

          Kitiara Uth-Matar is a character in the Dragonlance Chronicles written by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman. D&D books from the 90’s. Great stuff if you’re into it. I don’t know if anyone still reads those.

      • echar

        I read Dragonlance back in the day. Good Series, then I found

        The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant.

  • Hoarfraust

    Unimpressed. Pretty simple to banish a demon to hell. If this joker was good at what he did he would have saved them and sent them to the light.

    • Calypso_1

      It’s even more fun to ‘save’ them in acts of sweet rapturous demon love. Then you can command your very own race of giants.

  • d4l3d

    Must have a hella bulk rate.

  • Matt Staggs

    I still have trouble turning skeletons, zombies and ghouls. How many natural twenties is this joker rolling? Check his dice when he gets up to grab another slice of pizza.

    • Brian C Nielsen

      The padre is the kind of asshole who would bless the dice for a better AD&D game. But the sink?

  • DeepCough

    This guy is the Costco of exorcisms: he clearly does everything in bulk.

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