God Shocks Creationist Museum Staffer With Lightning

creation museumIn an effort to boost severely disappointing attendance figures, Kentucky’s controversial Creation Museum recently added an outdoor zip line attraction, which has been criticized as not really have anything to do with the Bible. Local WLWT reports that the Lord himself has weighed in:

A staff member was injured Wednesday while clearing guests from a zip line at the Creation Museum.

Staffers had cleared the lines before 1:20 p.m. as storms moved into Boone County. Museum officials said a male staffer touched an object that had been energized by lightning and was injured. He was taken to an area hospital as a precaution, but his injuries were not considered to be serious.

The zip line attraction opened this spring to help the religion-themed museum attract a wider audience.

  • cosmicrocosm

    Exodus 32:24 “After receiving God’s Nine Commandments, Moses and Aaron looked down from atop Mt. Sinai and noticed it was a long way down. ‘Lord, show us the way,” asked Moses, and lo, from on high, the Lord bestowed upon them a harness and length of rope, which they used to zip-line all the way down to the bottom. There the children of Israel were each like, ‘Dude! Can I go next?’ but Moses’ anger waxed hot after he noticed someone was totally bogarting all the manna, so he quickly chiseled in a rule about coveting his stuff. And thus the Nine Commandments became Ten.”

    • lifobryan

      I like your Exodus 32:34 way better than the canonical one. But that one’s pretty entertaining too … and in fact pretty much describes what happens to me whenever I bogart manna. Or if I inhale too much Burning Bush …..

  • TennesseeCyberian

    This might be the funniest thing I’ve seen all day!

  • Ubelsteiner

    “If you go setting up a zipline outside of a “museum” run by religious nutters who clearly have no grasp of real, actual science.. you’re not gonna have a good time”

    • PrimateZero

      Don’t forget to take in the nar.

  • InfvoCuernos

    Between this and the measles outbreak in TX, its really not looking good for the Xtians. Maybe allah is upset.

    • Anarchy Pony

      I think the Great Mother is beginning to align her forces.

    • DeepCough

      Maybe Zeus is making a comeback.


    • kowalityjesus

      This story is jokey, but need I recall that lightning struck the Vatican the day the pope announced his resignation, and lightning struck Jim Caviezel as he was reenacting the sermon on the mount during the filming of ‘the Passion’?

  • VaudeVillain

    Even worse, it was built by Creationists so several parts just don’t work at all due to a failure of rudimentary science.

    Other parts don’t work at all because they hurt their back in the ninth grade playing JV football, and ever since those dastardly Mexicans stole their jobs it’s all they can manage to take their Medicaid-provided Oxycontin and bitch on the internet about how the government is being taken over by socialists who want to tax their SSI benefits so gay minorities can bulldoze churches while receiving food stamps. Erm, or something like that.

  • GraveOf FreeSpeech

    haha, this is like when touchdown jesus was struck by lightning

  • lifobryan

    I think I know how a zipline attraction is relevant to the creationist museum. It’s a clear repudiation of that nasty evolutionary law of gravity. The creationist cable ride functions because of “Intelligent Zipping”

  • Calypso_1

    I’d like to see them add an attraction where you could zip line off a cross onto the back of an animatronic raptor.

  • HCE

    I’m perplexed by by the fact that this god character gets blamed for various things happening, or not happening. Why does God take the rap for things that are just as likely random chance?

    • Ubelsteiner

      for the same reason this “god” character was created in the first place – ignorant superstitions to explain what ppl cannot fathom. even when its something as basic as lightning.