There was a kid in my high school named Chris or John, but we all called him “Dick.” He wore a trench coat and combat boots, and he started telling people he was an honest-to-goodness vampire. He would cower in the shadows and play out an uninspired pantomime of retreating from the sun in pain. I remember him telling us that he had woken up on the ceiling above his bed one morning. He was clearly a resident of the highest social tier.
I haven’t thought about Dick in years, but last night I came across a grown-up version of him on YouTube, “Anthony, the living vampire,” being interviewed by a woman named DeeDee, who runs the Haunted Curiosities and Haunted Collector websites.
On the Haunted Curiosities YouTube channel, there are interviews with other “real” vampires, a djinn-possessed man, some witches, a dimension-hopping demon-slayer, and a half-breed (half vampire, half werewolf). There is also a Haunted Curiosities Blogtalk radio show, discussing subjects ranging from ghosts and vampires to Icke-style conspiracy theories.
Here’s a video featuring the transformation process of the “half-breed,” Fury:
The poor quality of the special effects involved in this video made me cringe with embarrassment, and after viewing, I began looking for some sort of disclaimer. Surely they wouldn’t expect anyone to actually believe these claims after such a clumsy example.
However, I found the complete opposite. Not only were these videos held up as authentic, they were, in fact, expanded upon within numerous episodes of the Haunted Curiosities Blogtalk radio show, which include straight-faced interviews of supposed supernatural creatures posing as humans, such as the dimensional traveler, Raviniska and her vampire friend, Tomer, who have known each other for “eons” according to one episode.
Normally, this kind of adolescent attention-seeking would only hold my interest long enough for me to share it with my friends and wait for their squirming laughter, but after five minutes of research, and considering the gross nature of my findings, I felt the need to report to you, dear reader.
Unlike my school chum, Dee Dee and her cohorts aren’t just trying to get some social attention from their misaligned peers. I expected to find a blog at the Haunted Curiosities website, detailing more of their paranormal fantasies, and maybe even some poorly doctored photos. What I found instead was a fairly sizable online shop.
Here’s the description found on the home page:
“Haunted Curiosities is not your normal paranormal website. We seek out and hunt the abnormal and the curious. You won’t find rocks or Chinese wholesale junk jewelry sold here. You will find the most unusual from civil war coffin babies to the presidential phone that allowed communication between aliens and we don’t mean the ones they are fighting in Arizona either!”
All for sale, and at a hefty price. Selections include a ring that will give its wearer, “Ezekiel’s prophesying power and teh (sic) ability to walk with angels to receive their visions, knowledge, and powers,” for a mere $2,150. How about a leg bone whose origin “is not animal, nor is it human, but it is actually the bone of an ancient vampire from Egyptian times. He originally existed in spiritual form befor (sic) entering a physical vessel.” This one only costs $850.
Looking for any kind of user feedback, I joined the members only forums. There, I found posts discussing the purchases of “transformations.” Here is a screenshot:
While I couldn’t find the vampire transformations mentioned on either of the websites, I did find an “Angelic Transformation.” For $25,000, you can fly to New Orleans where you will undergo a ceremony that will “give you the power of certain angels.” They’ll even pick you up from the airport. What a deal!
And other than the legally required “These items are for entertainment only,” on the home page, the only other comment even close to a disclaimer (more properly, a “cover-our-asses” line) was this moderator’s post:
Taking advantage of the weak-minded and easily fooled is icky. I consider this kind of obvious snake oil marketing absolutely foul, especially after reading these entries found on the home page:
“Doing it right and keeping it real is so much different then throwing junk or crap up on a website and praying it sells. The old saying is throw enough crap and something will stick is not practiced here. It would be so much easier to throw up a quanity (sic) of 1,000 and place a price of 30.00 on it and make a ton of money. But we have integrity and we can’t do that.”
“I won’t tell you lies as in a spirit can be broken up so that everyone and their granny can get a piece. These things are just not possible. If I tell you I have a Highgate Vampire you know your really getting one.”
I think we can all tell who the real vampire of this story is.