Lord Steven Christ: Heaven is Only a Tattoo Away

Lord Steven Christ 01There’s nothing novel about someone claiming to be the returned Messiah.  In fact, with the dissemination of information being what it is these days, it’s hard to throw a palm branch without hitting one.  But few of them have been arrested for threatening to assassinate the President like Steven Joseph Christopher (aka Lord Steven Christ).

Steven’s arrest came in January 2009 after the following post was made on the alien-earth.org forum on January 11:

ok we have 6 days until my Presidential Assasination.
Yes, I have decided I will assasinate Barack Obama. It’s really nothing personal about the man. He speaks well, has a loving although controlling wife and two cute daughters. But I know it’s for the country’s own good that I do this. And I’m not racist either, my family is a little, but isn’t all Italian and European families? I mean how many times have you heard the word (racial slur) in the comforts of your home? I have a lot, and it really bothered me and I would confront them about it. No, it’s not because I’m racist that I will kill Barack, it’s because I can no longer allow the Jewish parasites to bully their way into making the American people submit to their evil ways. How many of you Obama supporters are now disappointed after some of his arm-twisted Jewish appointee decisions??? Make’s you think he’s not really in charge(which he isn’t). No it’s the same old, same old filthy (expletive) (racial slur) who are poisoning America, who have murdered thousands of innocent lives on 9-11-01, and are thinking that they are going to get away with it again.”

He later said the whole thing was a publicity stunt, and that he never really planned on doing the deed.  “I’m trying to get people’s attention, they were only bluffs.  I’m trying to get everyone to listen to me because I have an important message from God.  Everyone needs to move to Florida by December 31st,” he was reported to say as he left the federal courthouse where his hearing was held.  What he expected to happen on December 31st was never revealed, but it was definitely not all he had to share with the world.

Steven is not what I would imagine when hearing the words, “Returned Christ.”  Tall, well-built, with a shaved head (a recent change from the long mane he has sported in the past), he looks more like a member of a Bad Company cover band than a messiah.  Visiting his website, you will also find his artwork, which is reminiscent of the type of airbrush work found on the side of cars in the barrio or tattooed on the backs of gangstas.  His YouTube videos carry titles like, “Hey Fuckers,” “More Crazy Talk from God,” and, “Looking for that Special Girl(s).”

Cyrus Teeds Inverted EarthHis beliefs and cosmogony are also pretty unique in comparison to other Second Coming claimants.  One of his major beliefs is that our earth is inverted, with the entire universe at the center.  The surface is concave, and when we look at the sky, we are looking toward the center of the earth.  The planets and stars are actually very small, and the sun is a kind of battery, rotating around the inner layer of our universe, while the earth itself remains motionless. These ideas are not his creation, but were appropriated from the theories laid out by Cyrus Teed, who led the Koreshans, a cult based in America during the late 19th century.  Steven has added to these theories, claiming that there is a sheet of glass separating the earth’s surface from outer space (or “inner space,” I suppose).  This sheet of glass is said to be coated in ice, a fact which will play a large part in his apocalyptic catastrophe scenario.  He points to the great sand sea glass, an ancient substance found in the Libyan desert with dubious origins, as proof of his glass ceiling theory, saying that it is the debris left from a meteor crashing through the sheet.

The Apocalypse will occur when the sun stops rotating, causing the ice sheet to melt.  Large chunks of this ice will fall to the earth, causing irreparable damage.  Large portions will also be burned up as a result of the stationary sun.  According to Steven, this has happened once before, as told in the Bible (Joshua chapter 10).

seal of the living godSteven also believes that once he is recognized as the Messiah, he will build a temple in a new Jerusalem on Uluru (Ayers Rock) in Australia.  The centerpiece of the temple will be an elevator shaft that will reach up and pierce the glass ceiling, giving his followers access to Heaven, which is a physical location at the center of the universe (the earth).  To gain access to this temple, one must be marked with the “seal of the living god,” (pictured at right) which will take the place of currency.

What I find most fascinating, though, is that in the few interviews that he has appeared in, Steven seems quite rational and usually calm, even as he explains his solipsistic view that all of the earth’s inhabitants are mindless automatons, created specifically for the purpose of keeping him company and playing different roles in what he describes as a “game.”  After reading about his arrest and spending some time on his site, I expected to find a raving lunatic.  Instead, I found a clear-spoken and even likable character who seems to recognize exactly how crazy he sounds.  He admits to understanding why people don’t believe he is the returned Christ, a sentiment rarely found when dealing with other messiah pretenders.

And strangest of all: he’s not asking for any money. Talk about crazy.

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  • DrDavidKelly

    Oh yeah he seems totally rational … Do you think some folk just make all this shit up because they are bored and want a bit of attention? The strange thing is people actually give these nutbags oxygen. I bet he has followers. Either that or he actually believes all this in which case he is just plain garden variety crazy.

    • atlanticus

      I always wonder why they can’t just write a sci-fi story or conceptual album or something? I’d buy it. Maybe. I’d at least page through it at a resale shop…

      • InfvoCuernos

        They do all the time. Just look at LRon.

        • ÿksel Rövgöc

          Only problem is that Rons nonscientological scifi storys suck. :)

    • Frater Isla

      From what I’ve gathered, not too many followers. I’ve seen maybe one or two true believers. lolz

  • atlanticus

    I had a prophecy that his space elevator is actually the Neo Tower of Babylon and will throw off the rotation of the earth, causing a new Ice Age. This, incidentally, was the cause of the last one…

    Also, I am the true Messiah.

    • atlanticus

      I’m so disappointed that no one wants to follow my cult! It makes more sense than this dude’s cosmology…or should it make less sense? I’m new at this.

  • InfvoCuernos

    Hmmm, let’s see- “I’m no racist but…”-actually, if you use a phrase like “jewish parasites” there is a pretty good chance that you are indeed a racist, and that’s if we pretend we don’t recognize those nazi eagle wings on the header of your website.

  • trompe l’oiel

    a rehashed Koreshan philosophy with a twist. The Koreshans were a good example of how a common belief, no matter how
    ridiculous, can bring people together! To plant invasive species in
    Florida to soak up enough water to build on the land and make a self
    sustaining cult commune work for a few decades but fade away because no one makes children….

    This Steve guy has an interesting case of messianic mania. Everybody knows what happened to Mr. Teed, Trying to build his new Jerusalem. he promised ressurection and ascension through celibacy, he died without ever getting laid.

    A dead virgin he remained. Then a hurricane stole the boat he was supposed to… use when…. he had transcended death(?) using the power of his V card….. He’s still dead last I heard.

    Lord Steve’s offering tattoos and a mountain top utopia…

    so, if Steve is running with what Teed concocted…..

    He’s definitely the second coming…. of another dweller on the threshold.

    He’s trying to provoke the Maitreya mind, trying to be an instigator for depolarization or something.

    I call shenanigans.

  • Steven Joseph Christopher

    well written, Frater, and fairly accurate as well. Blessings.

  • BuzzCoastin

    Jesus!
    You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
    Eight-year-olds, Dude.

  • Calypso_1

    I find it rather telling that the only ‘real life’ reference on his home page is a photo of him as a soccer coach at a xtian school. His son is noted in the photo along w/ two boys killed in an auto accident.

  • BrianApocalypse

    Self proclaimed messiahs usually have some conspiracy-theory influence to them these days. I’m reminded somewhat of Leo Zagami and his Head of the Illuminati/Alien Christ from Sirius delusions. This guy seems to have plenty too.

    I found the attempted discouragement from downvoting his videos by warning people the NSA could see them do it amusing. Those of us ‘in the know’ always knew that a thumbs down on youtube was going to be the returned Christ’s ultimate weakness.

  • Rob Lai

    Neo-Koreshian messiah. Not bad. Not bad. Hell, reviving obscure nuttery and declaring yourself the Outback Tattoo Messiah sounds more productive and a lot more fun than what I had planned for the afternoon…

  • DrNo

    He don’t claim to be Jesus’ second coming, he admits to be the antichrist

    “To
    gain access to this temple, one must be marked with the “seal of the
    living god,” (pictured at right) which will take the place of currency.”

  • Diana Davis Rumbold

    Once again, further proof that I should be happy that the Bible is not my book not my problem. But looking over his site, I wanted to slap him around a bit! All these reborn Jesuses and not one of them know he was really name Yeshua. Not a single bottle of wine generated from Evian. He also din’t know that Pope Francis is not Jesuit but Fransican – totally different order with totally different vows and so on. Can you get a stroke from reading the ramblings of idiots?

  • Paul Hannah

    He’s not the messiah, he is a very naughty boy!

  • Frank Provasek

    This guy know a lot. A lot more theologically sound than the TV prosperity preachers. Dis-Disinfo?

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