Brazilian Man to Marry Goat in Satanic Ceremony

man-marries-goat-550x357Feeling horny?

Via Oddity Central:

74-year old Aparecido Castaldo, a widower and father-of-seven, apparently wanted to be united with his goat Carmela in a church, by an evangelical minister. Unfortunately, none of the churches he contacted with his unusual request wanted to perform the ceremony, so Aparecido eventually contacted Toninho do Diabo (Tom the Devil), an old friend who just happens to be one of the most famous satanists in Brazil. The wedding is scheduled to take place at midnight, on October 13, at the Devil’s Church, in Sao Paolo. ”Only our church accepted this love between man and animal because we have no prejudice,” Toninho said.

Keep reading.

I’m sure “Kinky Kelly” would approve. Let your discussions about why this is – or isn’t – “real” Satanism begin. (Baah-gin?)

  • Liam_McGonagle

    I can’t tell whether this is stronger support for the ‘slippery slope’ argument against letting people live to 70 or against evangelical protestantism.

    Homosexuals, you’re cool here, though. The goat is female.

  • Hermesacat

    This reminds me, didn’t Aleister Crowley dabble in goat bestiality too? Not that he was into screwing goats himself like this Brazilian apparently is, but Crowley’s diaries apparently recount him at his Abbey of Thelema in Italy in the 1920s enlisting a hapless he-goat for a ritual (a “temporary wedding” ritual?) where the goat was to copulate with Uncle Al’s oh-so-lucky Scarlet Woman Leah Hirsig. The billy goat failed to perform but was sacrificed anyway by having its throat slashed, cascading blood all over Leah’s back. Leah then asked what she should do next. Crowley’s other mistress, I believe Ninette Shumway was her name, said something like “If I were you, I’d have a bath.” Crowley also killed a cat in a blood ritual at his Abbey after it had scratched him, as well as murdering a family cat when he was but a boy, claiming it was strictly in the interests of science (not sadism) to discover if cats have nine lives! Sure. Crowley also recounts a river trip in Asia where he sat in the back of a boat with his long gun, potting at any animal he saw.

    As a cat person, animal persecuting cat killers like Crowley are on my blacklist forever. He deserved to be eaten by a tiger.

  • Jules Baylor

    Satanist do not condone bestiality, as they condemn any sex act that does not include consent. An animal cannot give consent and may also be harmed. Harming animals is only condoned if you are attacked or for your food, neither of which apply to some horny old man who wants to fuck a goat.

    • jasonpaulhayes

      The article doesn’t say he plans to have sex with the goat, I don’t see where you’re getting that from. Clearly he has an emotional attachment to the goat and so do his children. I think its an act of protest against the christian church and good for them I hope they are happy together and that he doesn’t fuck his goat/wife.

      • Matt Staggs

        Phrases like “I hope they are happy together and that he doesn’t fuck his goat/wife” are among the reasons I love this website and the people who comment on it.

        • jasonpaulhayes

          Yeah, were all a little retarded here. I consider it a redeeming value we can laugh at ourselves and each other.

  • InfvoCuernos

    So this guy that has a relationship with his goat and has an “old friend” that happens to be a well known satanist first tried to get married in a catholic church? This story sounds like goatshit to me.

  • HoundsOArtemiss

    Times like this two facts converge in my head:
    1) Goats, along with sheep, are believed to be the first domesticated animal after dogs.
    2) Goats and sheep also have the most human-like vaginas in the animal kingdom.

    • atlanticus

      “Goats and sheep also have the most human-like vaginas in the animal kingdom.”

      :O …And you know this from…personal experience? Why wouldn’t it be like, a bonobo or something?

      • HoundsOArtemiss

        Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s like, comparative anatomy and physiology or something.
        You may be surprised to learn among the great apes, only humans evolved to be size queens, with even male gorillas only having an erect penis around two inches. As a consequence, lady apes as a whole have a much shallower configuration than humans.

        • atlanticus

          Ah, no, I did know that about human dicks vs. primates…makes sense.

          So goats have huge dicks? No wonder people think they’re Satanic…that, and the weird pupils…

          • Calypso_1

            You should smell the musk that drips off the bucks beard when the doe is in estrus.

          • The Well Dressed Man

            Stanky beasts. Obviously clever, but total assholes. Back on the ranch I made a point of eating goat vindaloo in front of them for tearing up my car.

          • Calypso_1

            You should try shrooming with goats.

          • sonicbphuct

            i can’t tell if you’re offering a miracle cure to humanity, or a one way trip to hell. Now really have to google that.

          • The Well Dressed Man

            So if I make friends with Shub-Niggurath, the mushroom people might be nice to me again? I got really tired of being dragged down to their bioluminescent catacombs and listening to endless lectures about neoshamanist cultural appropriation.

          • sonicbphuct

            you didn’t give details, leaving much up to the imagination, but … damn, that’s a pretty harsh punishment; especially for a simple property crime. Which curry do you use with graffiti artists?

          • The Well Dressed Man

            :) The little bastards would jump up on my car every time I got through the gate, kicking the hood to deliberately dent it. While I often contemplated their demise, I took no direct action, beyond eating their commercially grown relatives in front of them, prepared by Indian restaurant in town.

          • atlanticus

            If it’s anything comparable to pig shit, I’m just going to have to give up on my dreams of retiring to my own organic farm…maybe Florida isn’t so bad…

          • Calypso_1

            It depends what you feed the piggies. The goats…demon skunk love.

  • Joeybombstyle

    I agree with the statement of anti bestiality. But that is with the assumption that Mr. Castaldo has a sexual relationship with Carmela.

  • BuzzCoastin

    I’ve been married to that goat
    that dude’s in for a rude awakening
    she kick’s & bites and has an insatiable appetite for randy goats
    I wouldn’t wish her on a Christian

  • sonicbphuct

    que santorum’s, “i told you so.” However, as a true satanist, [i’ll be your huckelbery], the goat thing is clearly acceptable. Proof:

    • The Well Dressed Man

      People Against Goodness And Normalcy!