Well let’s see, we’ve got Korn, Megadeth, Steel Panther, Papa Roach, Shinedown, BuckCherry, P.O.D., Avenged Sevenfold, HIM, Five Finger Death Punch, The new band featuring the idiot bro from Disturbed, and much much more…absolute crap. Basically every band I fucking hated from 10 years ago all in the same place. It’s like they’re trying to go for a shit sandwich world record. Sort of unfortunate that they couldn’t achieve their dream, which I’m sure would have included Linkin Park, Godsmack, Limp Bizkit, and Creed as headliners. Fortunately for us, they couldn’t secure those bloated abominations as doing so probably would have created a karmic douche-nado which could potentially tear a rift through all that doesn’t suck in loud music.
For those kids who don’t remember, back in the early 90’s, for a brief period there were angry bands marketed by huge corporations who actually possessed an inkling of critical thinking skills and artistry. They sang about things like women’s rights and the hypocrisy of religion, while becoming multi-millionaires in the process. Hell, some even wrote hit songs about how stupid their fans were.
Then near the end of the decade (I’m sure partially due to media deregulation) record execs suddenly realized, wait, why would we intentionally market bands who question our corporate overlords? Kids will buy anything we spend enough money schilling to them. And so we got rape rock. Ladies, I’m sure if you come to this festival you’ll get in free and be handed complimentary roofies so you’ll forget both the music and the rape. Trust me, it’s better this way.
To be fair, I’ve always found the rape rock handle a bit misleading. I’ve always called it impotent rage metal. With a bloated military industrial complex, religious fanaticism, the increased corporatization of our government, and wealth inequality getting worse by the day, these guys are angry about…anger. Absolutely no bite to any of it. Brain dead mooks, completely beholden to a profit margin and nothing else. I suppose the problem with this lies in the fact that this style of music rightfully went way the fuck out of style years ago. But just like they did with 80’s hair metal in the early 2000’s, it’s 2013 and of course, a perfectly calculated time for a comeback. I wish it would just die, but all the special hotel packages (which cost nearly a grand) are sold out.
Now, I caught a bit of shit on Facebook (friend me) from a fan who thought me dissing bands like this was sort of like blindly making fun of poor white people with limited educational opportunities, which begs the question: who is the target demographic for Aftershock 2013? Some brave Sacramento tripster should go and get “ironic” photo documentation to fill us in. I honestly have no idea. Most of the nu metal tools I’ve encountered in my life were fairly privileged pseudo-jocks from the suburbs who said things like “faded”. You had to pay Sharon Osbourne something like 10 grand for the “opportunity” to play on the second stage at Ozzfest back in the day. Who still digs on this shit in 2013? I have exactly no idea, but I’ll keep covering it until the answer is no one.