Your State Sucks: Here’s Why

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Citizens and residents of the United States, you might find this map from Policy Mic that summarizes the worst of every state kind of interesting. Maybe we can come up with new state nicknames based their worst qualities. I’ll go first:

“Mississippi: The ‘We’ll have eaten another helping of fried chicken by the time you finish spelling our state’s name’ State”

Via Policy Mic:

The below map lays out some of the statistically worst things about each state. It covers everything from health to crime to travel to drug use. Some states don’t have it so bad (Ohio, the “nerdiest”) but others really kind of suck (Mississippi has the highest rate of obesity at 35.3% of total population … and ranks poorly in the most number of categories. These include highest rate of child poverty at 31.9%, highest rate of infant mortality at 10.3% lowest median household income at $35,078, highest teen birth rate at 71.9 per 1,000 women aged 15 to 19 and highest overall rate of STDs. Phew.)

It’s not 100% science proof … some of the metrics are taken from purely qualitative rankings (i.e. North Dakota).

It’s supposed to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, but some of the stats will really shock you.

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  • Liam_McGonagle

    When I saw “Binge Drinking” for Wisconsin, I assumed that this was put out by our board of tourism.

    My bad.

    • Anarchy Pony

      What else is there to do in the midwest in winter?

      • Liam_McGonagle

        I see no special cause to wait for winter. Procrastination would be a sin.

      • InfvoCuernos

        that’s the same excuse I always hear about meth use-maybe Walter White needs a franchise in Wisconsin?

        • echar

          Plenty of that there already.

      • echar

        Ice fish while binge drinking?

    • echar

      Can you blame them with all the breweries? New Glarus, I miss you.

  • BuzzCoastin

    the predilections of LA, MS, AL & GA
    explain a lot about the stories cuming outa there

  • emperorreagan

    Maryland wins for AIDS!

    Not surprising at all, as I’ve been in multiple men’s rooms in Baltimore that have leaflets for HIV medication or posters hanging over urinals with ads for HIV meds.

  • Thad McKraken

    You would think that having the most corrupt tax code in the country would be slightly worse that 4 cases of beastiality in one year. But that one dude did get fucked to death by a horse. Go Washington!

    • Adam’s Shadow

      That was in Washington? That little piece of weird world news always stuck with me, but I could never remember where it actually occurred.

  • jnana

    I don’t think its coincidental that Alaska has the most suicides, AZ has the most alcoholism, and NM the worse social health policies considering these are 3 states w/ large native populations. Continuing genocide?
    As for CO high coke use, they gotta lotta yuppies and maybe MJ really is a gateway drug.
    OR treats the hobo very well, particularly in Portland. The Pacific NW is the Hobo Mecca, and that isn’t a bad thing

  • ishmael2009

    I’m not American so i’m a bit mystified as to why California has the worst air quality. I thought it had the strictest pollution standards. It is to do with a combination of big cities where everyone drives along with warm air or something?

    • atlanticus

      Yes. Both.

    • Reasor

      The strict air pollution standards came as a treatment after the fact, rather than an early preventative.

  • cosmicrocosm

    My home state of Iowa has it real bad. We’re the oldest state and it’s a real nightmare. Jes’ the other day I was out in my potato field farming, like every Iowan does, when I was mercilessly attacked by a gang of geriatrics brandishing their canes and walkers in a very threatening fashion. Now I’m 62, and I can hold my own in a donnybrook, but these folks couldn’t have been a day under 75 yet one of them looked to be as spry as old Sugar Ray Robinson himself. This fella came hustling up toward me with a demoniac look in his eye, and used his cane to launch himself at me feet first, but wouldn’t you know it, the poor guy flew right past me when I stepped aside and he landed on his hip, shattering it. Well he starts hooting and hollering, getting the chickens all discombobulated, while the rest of his buddies jes’ up and take off hobbling away, or in one unfortunate lady’s case, rolling. So here I am, left with some hotheaded old maniac in my potato patch, screaming to high heaven because he done got hisself a boo-boo! Well, boo-hoo! Don’t you know it, I jes’ went back to the house and called old Sheriff Jenkins and told him what happened. He sent out an ambulance for ol’ looney tunes and they carted him away still yelling and cussing up a storm. I tell you them oldsters are a downright menace to society and I’ve got half a mind to get out of this old state before they’re the death of me.

  • Sean

    Utah….Mormon Capital, USA……highest porn usage.
    Anyone remotely surprised?
    Sexual repression is like putting a lid on a boiling pot of water. Steam comes out…
    Ask the Catholic Church…..

    • echar

      You should see how they drive in that state, or just how rude they are in general in public. Grocery shopping takes planning and elbows, damn near.

      • Cortacespedes

        TRUE!!!! Rudest drivers/shoppers EVER! And I thought I was the only one to notice.

        But what does one expect surrounded by Libertarian Republicans?

        • moremisinformation

          Libertarian Republicans? Cognitive dissonance?

          • Cortacespedes

            Mormons have no cognitive grasp of their own dissonant belief systems. So, it would seem that what would appear contradictory to you or I, appears quite harmonious to them.

  • echar

    I am a bit disapointmed with what sucks about Minnesota. Tornadoes? Hardly! I would think the cold, or mosquitoes or something.

  • gustave courbet

    I would not have guess that Matt hailed from Mississippi.