Ten weirdest Right-Wing Christian Conspiracy Theories

Pat Robertson Paparazzo PhotographyIt must have been so hard to choose! From Alternet via Salon:

For the Christian right, having a “faith-based” worldview extends far beyond claims about demons and angels. Unsurprisingly, the world of fundamentalist Christians is absolutely crawling with conspiracy theories, urban legends, and just plain bizarre beliefs about how the world works. Here’s a list of 10 of the weirder ones are currently in circulation.

1) Same-sex marriage is an elaborate scheme concocted by lesbians to entrap men. David Usher of the Center for Marriage Policy managed to cough up a theory that is an outstanding blend of homophobia, misogynist myths about the mendacity of women, and paranoia about the supposed gravy train that is child support. He argues that women will marry each other and conscript men into supporting them by “pretending they are using birth control when they are not.” The men will then “become economically conscripted third parties to these marriages, but get nothing in return,” presumably because the only reason a man would want to care for his own children would be in exchange for sex and housework. He also assumes that the only sources of income women have access to are child support and welfare; the possibility that women hold jobs doesn’t seem to occur to him.

Usher is trying to find a way to justify the increasingly ridiculous right-wing claim that same-sex marriage is somehow undermining “traditional” heterosexual marriage. He has zero-evidence for his claim outside of his belief that women are generally sleazy liars, and will “cheat” men out of the straight marriages they’re entitled to by sneaking off with women.

2) Planned Parenthood is trying to get kids “hooked” on sex. The anti-choice organization American Life League has been peddling the idea for a long time now that Planned Parenthood works like a mythical drug dealer, but with sex. The theory, summarized in this amazing video, goes like this: Planned Parenthood lures otherwise asexual young people into thinking sex is fun (something they are dead certain that you would never, ever think if not for Planned Parenthood). They then trick them into having sex by telling them contraception works, but (evil laugh), the contraception doesn’t work and the young people get pregnant and have to have abortions. Which means profit for Planned Parenthood! This neat little theory requires ignoring both the fact that Planned Parenthood is a non-profit and that the overwhelming scientific evidence shows that contraception does work, but ignoring facts and evidence is what the Christian right does best…

[continues at Alternet via Salon]

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  • Liam_McGonagle

    Quote: “Same-sex marriage is an elaborate scheme concocted by lesbians to entrap men. ”

    Silly me. All this time I thought that the definition of ‘lesbian’ was a woman who wasn’t interested in men. Now I know it means just the opposite.

    Thanks, Pat.

    • Matt Staggs

      That explains why men watch so much lesbian porn: It’s to familiarize themselves with they enemy’s tactics!

      • Liam_McGonagle

        We’re cunning that way.

      • Hadrian999

        i just watch it because it’s awesome

  • BuzzCoastin

    to lump rash judgements & Christian fantasy with conspiracy theories
    is an insult to conspiracy theories

    • Calypso_1

      Many modern conspiracies had their origins within the realm of xtian fantasy.

      • BuzzCoastin

        could be
        but the JFK, MKL, RFK, assinations
        CIA Drug smuggling, Bush family nefarious dealings
        911, Iraq misinfo invasion
        and a host of other “conspiracy theories”
        all have a basis in fact & a lot of supporting evidence
        whereas
        the christian conspiracy theories are based on faith
        just like the rest of their “beliefs”

        • Calypso_1

          Even these are often intertwined w/ apocalyptic NWO, trilateral commission, anti-commie elements which are rampant in post-war xtian mythos. In many ways the pulpit was used as a vector for such programming strategies. Have you ever looked into the connections between CIA ops & missions orgs?

          • BuzzCoastin

            I’m not suggesting that “Christians”
            are not part of the larger “conspiracy” machinations
            Christian missionaries have long been Homeland gov tools

            they were central to the overthrow of the Hawaiian government
            and the subsequent military takeover of Hawaii
            Hawaii now has the largest concentration
            of the operatives of the Homeland Spy/Military Cabal
            as well as home for Monsanto GMO research
            and not surprisingly, home of Obummer

            if you look at the christian conspiracy theories
            they’re about sex, gay sex & beliefs about sex
            with a couple of psyop conspiracies thrown in
            most with not even a shred of evidence
            except the word of someone in the know

          • Calypso_1

            The xtian environment I grew up in was rife with conspiracy & little of it was related to sex. It was much closer to Alex Jones.

          • BuzzCoastin

            when I was part of a fundy christian whirled
            most of the conspiracy theories were about
            the gov taking away the rights to believe & worship
            mark of the beast, the anti-christ & Satan in general

            that was my take until I dropped it in the 80’s
            today I notice there’s a lot more about sex
            could be your group was more radicalized
            most christian groups I knew
            were ardent supporters of the gov
            and Ronny Raygun was Jesus 2

          • Calypso_1

            No quibble w/ the increased radicalization quotient. Apocalyptonuts & Bombshelter Birchers.

        • Hadrian999

          don’t forget the Tuskegee syphilis experiment or operation northwoods

          • BuzzCoastin

            exactly
            real events with traceable evidence
            whereas the christian conspiracies listed
            lack any evidence other than dubious hearsay

          • Anarchy Pony

            Or all of the various MKs and PKs and such conducted by CIA.

      • jasonpaulhayes

        First they created sin so they could win. Then they built the cages they could put us in. Then they took away our tribes and gave us jail. Then they took away the Earth and gave us hell … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6CNNWT4yFc

  • Ethan Celery

    2. I remember watchingJuno.

  • InfvoCuernos

    Kind of surprised that I didn’t see zionists mentioned in there anywhere.

    • DeepCough

      Well, Christian Fundamentalism very much lends itself to Zionism, since Jesus can’t come back until the Jews have a place for their stuff.

      • Bruteloop

        One sentence reveals the idiocy of it all and made me laugh out loud. Still is. It’s the phrase ‘a place for their stuff’.

        • DeepCough

          Praise be to the Great Carlin, for yea, he has brought lulz!

  • DeepCough

    Ten Weirdest Right-Wing Christian Conspiracy Theories [This Week].

  • Hadrian999

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPMS6tGOACo most insidious conspiracy of them all

  • lifobryan

    I love whack-job Christian conspiracy theories because they make me feel all sepia & nostalgic. I grew up in that world, immersed in a thick sauce of self-righteous evangelical paranoia. Each conspiracy theory involved some threat or other to the ever-tarnishing ‘golden age’ where the proper order of things that was once solid & given, had become unstable … because of some scheming, unseen but all-seeing “phantom menace.”

    It occurs to me that this Original Conspiracy can be traced back to the Judeo-Christian deity Him/It-self, in the Tower of Babel story. Just WHO is this “Us”? And with whom is God in consort?? And if He were indeed all powerful, why this paranoid action in concert with such nameless & shadowy Others? Quickly Col. North! Order Fawn Hall to shred the parchment before anyone reads THIS!

    (Genesis 11:7) The LORD said, “Behold, they are one people, and they all have the same language. And this is what they began to do, and now nothing which they purpose to do will be impossible for them. Come, let Us go down and there confuse their language, so that they will not understand one another’s speech. So the LORD scattered them abroad from there over the face of the whole earth; and they stopped building the city.…”

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