TSA: Pay Us $85 To Avoid Full-On Airport Molestation

imagesIf you give the civil servants at your local airport $85 then they may not touch your n0-no square. At least as much as they might otherwise.

“Freedom” is available at no charge, but perhaps you’d like to upgrade to our new “Freedom Plus” package!

Via Raw Story:

You’ve likely heard the phrase “freedom isn’t free” before, probably in the context of honoring our service men and women, paying taxes, voting, or paying for audio clips of the movie Braveheart. It’s one of those phrases that’s been used so often that it’s probably no longer worthwhile. My main complaint about the phrase, other than the generally mouth-breathing blowhards who use it, is it leaves the obvious follow up question unanswered: fine, then how much will freedom cost me? It’s an important question we’ve never really had an answer to…until now.

And that answer is? 85 whole American dollars. No, I didn’t get that out of some Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy fan-fiction. I got it from the TSA, who announced an expanded program to touch your ugly bits less if you pay up.

Keep reading.


11 Comments on "TSA: Pay Us $85 To Avoid Full-On Airport Molestation"

  1. jasonpaulhayes | Sep 8, 2013 at 8:35 pm |

    Freedom isn’t Free, no there’s a hefty fuckin fee, if don’t throw in your Buck O Five who will?


  2. Rhoid Rager | Sep 8, 2013 at 9:19 pm |

    I don’t know what the big deal is. They’re offering a rub down for free. Who the hell would pay NOT to get their balls massaged?

    • BeachBaggins | Sep 8, 2013 at 9:40 pm |

      People who don’t care for molestation by someone to whom they have no attraction or connection tend to not want their privates massaged by said total strangers, regardless of payment. (Most people don’t need to spend money to get laid).

      Also called people with a healthy sense of boundaries.

      See also: rape survivors.
      See also: children, and parents who give a shit about them.
      See also: transgender people.
      See also: most people.

      This amounts to a shakedown to avoid a sexual assault, and people who like to treat it like an upside are creepy. Yes, even if it’s a joke, trolling, whatev.

  3. Haystack | Sep 8, 2013 at 9:59 pm |

    Another example of law enforcement devolving into an organized form of highway robbery.

  4. Johnny Utah | Sep 8, 2013 at 10:26 pm |

    They are gonna touch my junk and they are gonna like it.

  5. BuzzCoastin | Sep 9, 2013 at 12:58 am |

    for $100 one can obtain a hand-job of one’s choice behind closed doors
    they’ll wear gloves too

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