World’s Biggest Heavy Metal Band to Sell Sweaters this Christmas

metallicasweater-300x234Metallica, the world’s biggest and most successful heavy metal band of all time announced this week that for the upcoming holiday season they would be selling…ugly Christmas sweaters. Although they are not the first heavy metal band to market their own Christmas sweaters (Slayer was first, if you can imagine that) Metallica is offering two unique versions, the “Scary Sweater” as well as a “Master Sweater” both of which are designed with the Load era logo design. Santa has refused to comment on Metallica’s announcement.


We cannot even begin to count the number of puns worthy of the news that Metallica will let you purchase their very own Christmas sweater come holiday season 2013. Mind you, we’ll still usher in our top three in the following lines.

Metallica, or their marketing team, announced via the band’s Facebook page that this holiday season, metalheads far and wide will have one more metal-worthy gift to add to their wish list: a Metallica-themed Christmas sweater! There will be two versions of the cozy christmas clothing – a “Scary Sweater” as well as a “Master Sweater” – and both will be available via the official Metallica store shortly. Whichever way you decide, in about three months, nothing else sweaters. No official word is out yet on what sizes the sweaters will be available in, but we should strongly assume that there will be one to fit Hetfield as well as one to fit Ulrich, whom we recently crowned one of our Top 5 shortest rock stars.

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J Thorn

J. Thorn is a Top 100 Most Popular Author in Horror, Science Fiction, and Fantasy (Amazon Author Rank). In March of 2014 Thorn held the #5 position in Horror with his childhood idols Dean Koontz and Stephen King at #4 and #2 respectively. He is an official, active member of the Horror Writers Association and a member of the Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers. J. is a contributor to and a staff writer for

Thorn earned a B.A. in American History from the University of Pittsburgh and a M.A. from Duquesne University. He has spent the last twenty years researching mysticism and the occult in colonial American history.

5 Comments on "World’s Biggest Heavy Metal Band to Sell Sweaters this Christmas"

  1. Thank guys, but I think I’ll stick with my Napster T-shirt.

  2. Damn, I was hoping it would be Twisted Sister. I already have their Twisted Christmas CD. I could have made a gift basket for someone.

  3. Metallica jumped the shark a long ago.

  4. Earthstar | Sep 21, 2013 at 3:25 pm |

    I thought Iron Maiden was the biggest and most successful metal band in the world?

  5. Dan Muench | Sep 22, 2013 at 2:43 pm |

    Tellingly, it’s designed with their ‘Load-era logo’ – who else is going to buy this? I’ve actually seen latter-day Metallica fans bitching about – get this – MOSHING at a METALLICA show! Sad times we live in.

    Saw them back when I was 18 at the Meadowlands, we had floor seats, and sometime during Jerry Cantrell’s set we started using lighters to melt the zip-ties that they had the steel chairs lashed together with. Security guards had little choice but to pile up the possible later projectiles/weapons/liabilities, and suffice to say, after vainly waiting for an encore, I watched the people pile out of the half empty stadium from far up the stairs, and there was little doubt as to which section was ours…it was a nice scar on an otherwise shockingly ordered post-metal-stadium-show floor 😀

    Long time ago, and apparently, not just to me…

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