Mexican Drug Lord Assassinated By Killer Clowns

Arellano FelixYour paralyzing fears of clowns are justified. Al Jazeera reports:

The eldest brother of Mexico’s once powerful Arellano Felix drug cartel family was killed by gunmen dressed as clowns at a children’s party.

Francisco Rafael Arellano Felix, 63, was shot dead on Friday during a family event in Cabo San Lucas, a tourist resort in the Baja California peninsula, state special investigations prosecutor Isai Arias told the AP news agency. “He was hit by two bullets, one in the thorax and one in the head,” Arias said.

The gunmen were disguised as clowns when they shot Arellano Felix at the party in the luxurious Casa Oceano tourist residence. An official told the AP that the costumes included a wig and a round red nose.

The Arellano Felix brothers once dominated drug trafficking between Mexico and California through their brutal Tijuana cartel. Most brothers have been either killed or arrested, leaving the cartel in tatters while rivals rose in prominence.

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  • Rhoid Rager

    Send in the clowns….mothafucka!

  • Rhoid Rager

    I think this one-ups Gus Fring’s poisoning of the Colombians.

    • Anarchy Pony

      I dunno, that was pretty brilliant.

      • Rhoid Rager

        Upon careful consideration, I think you’re right. I shoulda said “almost as good as”.

  • Calypso_1

    Perhaps the UK clown creepers were an operational feint.

  • Ted Heistman

    Gangsters always look like they have more vitality than most other people. I like flipping trough these cheap books at Barnes and Noble and that’s what always strikes me. They seem more alive.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Constant vigilance and narrow escapes can do that to a person.

      • InfvoCuernos

        Also most of those shots were taken by the cops right after the arrest so they’re all jacked up on adrenaline, wondering how they’re going to get out of this mess.

  • Ted Heistman

    With that face, what would he be if he wasn’t a Gangster?

    • Rhoid Rager

      high school custodian

    • PrimateZero

      Auto mechanic, gas station attendant, a roadie for a rock band, postal worker…. you name it.

      • Ted Heistman

        I guess I am not seeing what you are seeing. Which I guess is good so I can avoid Gangsters and not postal workers, you know, in case I need a stamp.

  • InfvoCuernos

    “After the shooting, the assailants climbing into a tiny Volkswagen bug with ten other clowns and made a speedy, if erratic gettaway.”

  • DeepCough

    When it comes to business, this guy never clowns around.

  • I_abide

    ICP is really hurting for work these days.

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